# I Pit My Sperm **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310 "2004-06-20T16:27:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/23 "2004-06-21T20:03:38Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > A vasectomy? Go back and reread – he was scheduled to talk to the doc about a vasectomy in a couple of weeks. I’ve known more than one surprise baby, but while I’ve heard bitching and moaning when the test came back positive, I’ve also seen parents who were very happy about the baby later. The initial surprise is not fun, though. That being said, good luck to you guys. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/24 "2004-06-21T20:24:50Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Well apparently the “other birth control options” were less appealing than the thought of another child. Birth control pills? The birth control patch? Norplant? Depo-Provera? An IUD? A diaphragm? A tubal ligation? A vasectomy? If you were really serious about not wanting another kid, any or all of the above would have been advisable. But of course hindsight is 20-20. A condom alone certainly isn’t going to be enough if you are really serious about not wanting more kids. Yop. I was thinking that myself. If they didn’t want more, why didn’t mom get her tubes tied when she had the last one? Or, why procrastinate on that vasectomy? Not judging, just saying… I’d be nervous as hell if I relied on condoms alone. I don’t want more kids, and there’s no way I’m getting pregnant. If I do I’m suing Trojan _and_ the pharmaceutical company. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/25 "2004-06-21T21:25:34Z")
> [@Snooooopy](#): > > I think comparing your sperm to the Submariner would be much more appropriate. Aquaman is such a wuss. I’d probably put the sperm up there with Neptune. As a father of three boys (16, 8 and 2), we have been surprised by the last 2 because of my wife’s multiple miscarriages, tubal pregnancies, etc…since our first child. Our youngest child is really active and demands more attention than the other 2 combined when they were his age. But I now can’t imagine what it would be like without him. No doubt when you get over the shock (like we did), you’ll be glad it happened, but of course you’re gonna put up the ultimate barrier so it doesn’t happen again. If that one little seaman can beat all the obstacles that the two of you put up, then I think you’ve got a winner for life, IMHO, or (s)he’s gonna drive you to your graves! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/26 "2004-06-21T22:52:01Z")
If it’s a boy, I suggest you name him Stewie. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/27 "2004-06-22T00:38:43Z")
Oh this is bad… I am so evil… My pregnancy last year was quite unexpected as well and uh turned out I was carrying twins (good luck getting to sleep tonight) ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/28 "2004-06-22T01:18:48Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > Fuck you sperm! Fuck you and your Aquaman-like swimming ability! > > My wife and I just found out that we are “expecting”…again! This will be our third child. We didn’t want any more children. Wow. Let me tell you, if I were facing that news, I wouldn’t just shrug it off like “Guess we’re having another child, ha ha, we’ll be outnumbered.” Maybe it’s different when you’ve already got two kids, but if you’re already resigning yourself to this, it seems to me that neither of you are really serious about not wanting any more children. ---
**Author:** ![Kings\_Gambit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kings\_Gambit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kings_Gambit1)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/29 "2004-06-22T01:25:25Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > If that one little seaman can beat all the obstacles that the two of you put up, then I think you’ve got a winner for life, IMHO, or (s)he’s gonna drive you to your graves! Thanks for the words of encouragement everybody. We are starting to settle down a little bit now. Breathing is a little easier. We can digest small amounts of solid food. I shaved this morning. 😉 I ran the numbers last night…0.0024% chance! Well, not really, but it’s gotta be close to that! My wife has perusing the boards at [babycenter.com](http://babycenter.com). Whoa, there are a boat load of unexpected pregancies out there due to contraception “malfunctions”! All types of contraceptions. Everyone seems to be going through the same stages as we have: Shock, Denial, Fear, Anger, Resentment, Calm, then, Joy! 3-2 soft zone…We can handle this!! 🙂 > [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > If that one little seaman can beat all the obstacles that the two of you put up, then I think you’ve got a winner for life, IMHO, or (s)he’s gonna drive you to your graves! Hehe!! ---
**Author:** ![Kings\_Gambit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kings\_Gambit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kings_Gambit1)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/30 "2004-06-22T01:33:20Z")
> [@Mr2001](#): > > Maybe it’s different when you’ve already got two kids, but if you’re already resigning yourself to this, it seems to me that neither of you are really serious about not wanting any more children. Err a, I’m not sure what you mean by this. We are taking this very seriously. If you mean the “Big A”, no, that’s not an option. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/31 "2004-06-22T02:22:59Z")
Kings Gambit, I am five months pregnant with a two-forms-of-failed-contraceptive baby as well. I know, I think, what you and your wife are going through. I wish you luck, and happiness with the new addition. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/32 "2004-06-22T02:26:28Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > If you mean the “Big A”, no, that’s not an option. Sorry. Does that mean you’re NOT going to name your child Apple? Good call! ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/33 "2004-06-22T02:29:19Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > Err a, I’m not sure what you mean by this. We are taking this very seriously. > > If you mean the “Big A”, no, that’s not an option. Sorry. Hey, you don’t have to apologize to me. I don’t want to give you a hard time about your personal decisions, but you did bring it up. What about the “little A”, you know, adoption? When my girlfriend and I say we don’t want to have kids, it means something because we actually use contraception (other than condoms, which are unreliable as has been pointed out), and we don’t hesitate to consider and exercise all of the options if conception should occur. If we did not consider the pill, IUD, Norplant, Depo, etc., if we dismissed abortion and adoption, and if we kept on having sex with nothing but a bit of latex keeping us safe, then it would be silly to say we were serious about not having kids. The phrase “We don’t want to have kids”, coming from our mouths, would have no more meaning than “We don’t want it to rain tomorrow.” ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/34 "2004-06-22T06:56:01Z")
> [@Mr2001](#): > > When my girlfriend and I say we don’t want to have kids, it means something because we actually use contraception (other than condoms, which are unreliable as has been pointed out), and we don’t hesitate to consider and exercise all of the options if conception should occur. Not to be a pisser or anything, but unintended pregnancy can be a huge mind-fuck. You can plan and consider all you want now, but should it happen, you may find to your surprise that what you had planned to do is actually the last thing you want to do. It sure did surprise me. Just saying is all. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2004, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/35 "2004-06-22T10:44:34Z")
> [@Cinnamon Girl](#): > > Not to be a pisser or anything, but unintended pregnancy can be a huge mind-fuck. You can plan and consider all you want now, but should it happen, you may find to your surprise that what you had planned to do is actually the last thing you want to do. It sure did surprise me. Well, it did happen a couple years ago, and let me just say there were no surprises. ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/36 "2004-06-23T05:47:40Z")
> [@](#): > > The verdict? [Dead sexy!](http://jasonkill.com/hermione/images/18yroldherm.jpg) He must also have a thing for Nearly Headless Nick. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/37 "2004-06-23T06:06:52Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > Thanks for the words of encouragement everybody. We are starting to settle down a little bit now. Breathing is a little easier. We can digest small amounts of solid food. I shaved this morning. 😉 > > I ran the numbers last night…0.0024% chance! Well, not really, but it’s gotta be close to that! > > My wife has perusing the boards at [babycenter.com](http://babycenter.com). Whoa, there are a boat load of unexpected pregancies out there due to contraception “malfunctions”! All types of contraceptions. Everyone seems to be going through the same stages as we have: Shock, Denial, Fear, Anger, Resentment, Calm, then, Joy! > > 3-2 soft zone…We can handle this!! 🙂 > > Hehe!! Heh. While you’re running numbers, I got pregnant 3 times in two years. Once on the Pill (and this was before the Mini Pill), once using contraceptive foam and condoms TOGETHER, and once with an IUD. The first and third pregnancies ended in miscarriages, which is how I managed to get pregnant 3 times in that time period. The middle pregnancy is now in the adjoining room, reading manga online. Anyway, I think I beat the odds even more than you two did. For those who want to know why I didn’t get fixed, it’s because most doctors had a rule that they wouldn’t perform a tubal ligation on a woman who had fewer than three kids, or who was under 30, and I was in my early 20s at the time. I thought it was a stupid rule then, I think it’s a stupid rule now. My husband does not deal well with human blood\*, especially his own\*\*, so HIM getting snipped was totally out of the question. \*He’s just fine with shooting and butchering game animals, though. \*\*I torment him by injecting myself with insulin in front of him. It gives him the heebie-jeebies every time. ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/38 "2004-06-23T06:20:45Z")
> [@Jpeg Jones](#): > > He must also have a thing for Nearly Headless Nick. Well _that_ was an odd mis-posting. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/39 "2004-06-23T11:31:29Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > > [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > > > Don’t wear two condoms. It can cause ripping. > > I’m not necessarily doubting you, but do you happen to have a cite? Am I the only one who found it slightly humorous that he’s asking a guy from “Latex Division” for a cite about condoms? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/40 "2004-06-23T12:30:22Z")
Wow. The people in here castigating the OP for not using ENOUGH contraception and/or for not having already had SURGERY to prevent pregnancy are killin’ me. When you find out you or your partner is unexpectedly pregnant, it’s not unusual for your first reaction to be something other than “RAPTURE!” > [@](#): > > If you were really serious about not wanting another kid, any or all of the above would have been advisable. But of course hindsight is 20-20. A condom alone certainly isn’t going to be enough if you are really serious about not wanting more kids. Yup, that’s right. If you don’t use birth control pills, the patch, Norplant, Depo-Provera, An IUD, a diaphragm, tubal ligation, vasectomy. a contraceptive sponge, spermicide, AND make sure your wife douches with battery acid, then you have no right to be at all irritated at this new development, because it’s all your fault. > [@](#): > > Wow. Let me tell you, if I were facing that news, I wouldn’t just shrug it off like “Guess we’re having another child, ha ha, we’ll be outnumbered.” > Maybe it’s different when you’ve already got two kids, but if you’re already resigning yourself to this, it seems to me that neither of you are really serious about not wanting any more children. Or they already know that for them abortion and adoption are not options, so they’re accepting it all as quickly as they can, which will also help their distress to turn more quickly to joy. > [@](#): > > If we did not consider the pill, IUD, Norplant, Depo, etc., if we dismissed abortion and adoption, and if we kept on having sex with nothing but a bit of latex keeping us safe, then it would be silly to say we were serious about not having kids. You know…I’m serious about not getting hurt, but I don’t wrap myself in bubble wrap every time I leave the house. Does this mean I’m not serious about it? If I break a leg, is it my own damned fault for not wearing enough padding? If my car’s brakes fail, is it my own damned fault for not checking the pads and rotors every time I get ready to drive? And if I don’t, is it silly to say I’m serious about auto safety? Sheesh. And people say _I’m_ unsympathetic. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/41 "2004-06-23T12:43:54Z")
Congratulations. Both Ivyboy and Ivygirl were “oops” babies…diaphragm with Ivyboy, condom with Ivygirl. A vascectomy can be a bit dauting, because it’s so permanent. So I had Norplant put in after Ivygirl was born, and five years later, when it was “empty”, Ivylad got snipped. I know a woman who got pregnant with #4 because they could only do a half-vascectomy on her husband. They could only find one tube (?). After #4 he went back and made sure they clipped the other side. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/42 "2004-06-23T13:26:49Z")
Shut it - For all of the men trying desperately to find a place for their sperm and you’ve got one, shut it. You go pitting your sperm while other men are forced to palm it, or even worse, sock it, shut it. Won’t you _please_ think of the horney? And by the way, congratulations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310.md?page=3)