# I Pit My Sperm **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310 "2004-06-20T16:27:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/83 "2004-06-25T07:17:20Z")
> [@Mr2001](#): > > Well, I assumed you had a reason for bringing it up. > > I’m astounded that such a highly regarded poster would confuse “grasping these concepts” with “agreeing with this position”. The reason I brought it up because among the many things one must consider in those situations is “how will it affect the rest of the family, especially our current kids” and the complication of that process is yet another factor in deciding how to procede. I haven’t seen evidence of you understanding the situation at all… and I’m not sure what opinion it is that you’re disagreeing with. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/84 "2004-06-25T13:48:37Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > The reason I brought it up because among the many things one must consider in those situations is “how will it affect the rest of the family, especially our current kids” and the complication of that process is yet another factor in deciding how to procede. I’m not sure that this is even something I would discuss with my other children. My husband, yes, but not my children. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/85 "2004-06-25T13:50:47Z")
It would depend on how old the children were at the time, and a lot of other things, for me. It seems likely they’d eventually find out, in any case. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/86 "2004-06-25T15:56:48Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > I never made a judgement call on whether that is the right or wrong thing to do, only that it is a difficult decision to make, and a difficult one to explain to your existing kids. I’m having a hard time understanding why a parent should have to justify their decisions to their children. “It was what was right for us at the time” should be sufficient explanation for anyone, child or not. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/87 "2004-06-25T16:08:09Z")
The issue isn’t justifying your actions to your kids. That’s not the point. The point is that it is a difficult concept for children to grasp _emotionally_ and therefore a difficult thing to discuss with them so that they understand. I mean obviously if someone doesn’t give a rat’s ass about their kids’ feelings they can just bluntly say “we did it because we wanted to now shut up and go eat your Spaghettios” 😉 but for most families I think there would be a lot more to it than that, and a lot of questions, etc. Similar to the questions and explanations that go along with a divorce… you don’t need to _justify_ that decision to your kids, but you probably need to discuss it with them and explain it and answer their questions and reassure them, etc. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/88 "2004-06-25T16:16:30Z")
I’m with Opal on this one. An abortion you could probably keep a secret, as long as it was one you were willing to keep always. But putting a baby brother or sister up for adoption would involve a LOT of discussion with the existing kids, IMO. Depending on the kid’s age, there are likely to be all kinds of fears about Mom and Dad deciding to give \*them \* away too, and I’d think you’d have to be a pretty irresponsible parent not to try and alleviate those fears. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/89 "2004-06-25T16:19:59Z")
If I were to have aborted this baby, odds are nobody outside of my husband and the doctor would know about it. It’s nobody’s business but my own. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/90 "2004-06-25T16:20:50Z")
Oh, absolutely it should be discussed with the kids, but the way Opal was presenting it was as though having to explain it should be a factor in the decision-making, which I don’t agree with at all. Yes, that’s one of the possible consequences, but it really shouldn’t affect what decision you make, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/91 "2004-06-25T16:51:17Z")
I initially simply said “and how are you going to explain it to the kids you currently have”–didn’t make a big deal about it or imply that it was the be-all end-all rationale or anything… simply that it was yet another of the many considerations that must be weighed in making that decision. Mr2001 and his incapability of comprehending the written word took it out of context, misconstrued it, and made me have to re-explain myself fifty thousand times, blowing it all out of proportion. I have never meant to imply that explaining it to your kids should be a major factor in your decision–simply that it is a factor, or at least would be for some people. Wondering how my kids would feel if I got rid of a potential sibling of theirs would play a small but valid part in _my_ decision making process. ---
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/92 "2004-06-25T21:38:52Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > I don’t even know why people are still discussing this as a viable method. If you haven’t learned that this is not effective by the OP and a few other posts, then you should be paying better attention! The viscosity of your mucus and the level of your horniess seem like very unreliable clues if you’re really serious about not getting pregnant. It’s really going to be hard to know “what’s going on inside the woman’s body” unless you’re a doctor. This seems like a very antiquated method. Done properly, FAM Fertility Awareness Method - which is different from the rhythm method or NFP - is 90% effective. Not as effective as condoms or abstinence or hormonal birth control, but not completely foolhardy either. Anecdotally I know several people who have managed to both completely avoid unwanted pregnancies and quickly achieve wanted pregnancies using FAM. And I’m no doctor but I’m a damn sight better prepared to know what is going on inside my own body than some guy I see twice a year for 20 minutes at best. The FAM bible is [[http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060950536/104-9439619-4778355?v=glance](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060950536/104-9439619-4778355?v=glance)](” [url) “]Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I highly recommend it. Twiddle ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/93 "2004-06-25T22:14:27Z")
> [@Twiddle](#): > > Done properly, FAM Fertility Awareness Method - which is different from the rhythm method or NFP - is 90% effective. Not as effective as condoms or abstinence or hormonal birth control, but not completely foolhardy either. Anecdotally I know several people who have managed to both completely avoid unwanted pregnancies and quickly achieve wanted pregnancies using FAM. > > And I’m no doctor but I’m a damn sight better prepared to know what is going on inside my own body than some guy I see twice a year for 20 minutes at best. > > The FAM bible is Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I highly recommend it. I read through the book’s site, [http://www.tcoyf.com/](http://www.tcoyf.com/) , and thanks, but no thanks. I think I will stick with more reliable methods. It involves monitoring of your cervical fluid and the position of your cervix. Hmm, how exactly are you supposed to do that? Get a speculum for home use? :dubious: And taking your temperature every morning and looking for a variation of like .2 to .4 degrees. I’ll pop the pill and use a condom, thank you very much! 😉 I ain’t fucking around with something as serious as _bringing another human life into the world!_ ---
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/94 "2004-06-25T23:22:43Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > I read through the book’s site, [http://www.tcoyf.com/](http://www.tcoyf.com/) , and thanks, but no thanks. I think I will stick with more reliable methods. > > It involves monitoring of your cervical fluid and the position of your cervix. Hmm, how exactly are you supposed to do that? Get a speculum for home use? :dubious: And taking your temperature every morning and looking for a variation of like .2 to .4 degrees. > > I’ll pop the pill and use a condom, thank you very much! 😉 I ain’t fucking around with something as serious as _bringing another human life into the world!_ You use your fingers to feel your cervix; if you can insert an OB you can learn to check your cervix. And temping really isn’t that onerous, it is about 30 seconds out of the day. But I’m not trying to convince you. I’ll be the first to agree it isn’t for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/95 "2004-06-25T23:44:31Z")
Shyeah, it’s all about your sperm. Women who sit near you on a bus probably end up pregnant from your mighty sperm, too, huh? Or maybe it’s your wife who is the particularly fertile one? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/96 "2004-06-26T02:17:59Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Mr2001 and his incapability of comprehending the written word What the hell do umbrellas have to do with this? ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/97 "2004-06-26T03:20:08Z")
> [@Geobabe](#): > > Oh, absolutely it should be discussed with the kids, but the way Opal was presenting it was as though having to explain it should be a factor in the decision-making, which I don’t agree with at all. Yes, that’s one of the possible consequences, but it really shouldn’t affect what decision you make, IMO. Are you talking about adoption, abortion, or both? I can certainly understand that the kids must know about the former (although certainly not have any signifigant, decision changing input), but I am having a hard time imagining parents discussing aborting an unwanted child with their existing kids (Assuming an early term abortion, not a late term one for birth defects or somethng, after the child had already been informed of the expected baby-IOW, aborting an unwanted pregnancy, not being forced to abort a wanted one for medical reasons) ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/98 "2004-06-27T03:47:46Z")
Getting back to the OP, I’m curious as to why the choice was made to use the morning after pill. Did the condom break? Are you routinely using Emergency contraception after each incident of intercourse? Why not just be on the Pill and use a condom too? Why? Why? Why? ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/99 "2004-06-27T04:52:11Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > Getting back to the OP, I’m curious as to why the choice was made to use the morning after pill. Did the condom break? Are you routinely using Emergency contraception after each incident of intercourse? Why not just be on the Pill and use a condom too? Why? Why? Why? There are a lot of reasons for someone not using the birth control pill. I will tell you that in our case, the pill completely killed my libido. There was one point where there was no sex for over three months, and I felt so bad about it that I didn’t even want to kiss my husband for fear that he’d want more. I thought that for the sake of my marriage, I would discontinue condom use. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310.md?page=4)