# I Pit Myself **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 29, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214 "2005-01-29T01:13:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/21 "2005-01-29T18:41:49Z")
> [@Rebekkah](#): > > \Featherlou, this is a question I’ve been wrestling with since I left. I think my only answer is that his family was unwilling to take responsibility for him, and I thought that if I left he would wind up on the streets. I couldn’t live with the guilt of that. I fell out of love with him long before I left, but I stayed out of some sort of misplaced sense of obligation. That, and I was scared to be alone. Moving to Calgary was a really scary move for me. I find myself in a new city, and recently out a relationship, I have no idea how to meet people. It’s profoundly lonely being on your own all of a sudden. > > I’d love to know I’m not alone in this. I feel like a complete idiot for being so naïve. I forgot to mention in my earlier post that I had a similar relationship about a hundred years ago (I left him to come to Calgary too, as a matter of fact). We’ve pretty much all been there, one time or another. I would like to point out, and you probably know this already, that as an adult, nobody needs to take responsibility for him. Nobody ever paid my bills for me, or most other adults’. And being alone is when you learn about yourself, and makes you someone who can be half of a healthy couple. If I could teach young women two things, it would be don’t sell yourself short, and don’t expect other people to change. Come to think of it, young men could use that knowledge too. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/22 "2005-01-29T18:49:42Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I forgot to mention in my earlier post that I had a similar relationship about a hundred years ago (I left him to come to Calgary too, as a matter of fact). We’ve pretty much all been there, one time or another. I’m beginning to think we should all get together for coffee or something. Hey, we’d have something to discuss! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/23 "2005-01-30T02:37:28Z")
> [@Rebekkah](#): > > It would be HIGHLY inappropriate to e-maiool the woman he is currently courting, warning her of his assholeness, right? Merely seeking a reality cheque here, DO NOT e-mail her. That is not moving on. She’ll find out that he’s a prick all on her own, and would you really deprive her of such a valuable life lesson? I mean, after all, you did learn a lot yourself. You learned about trust and not being a doormat and how to hook up with a guy who can support himself all by his lonesome without relying on Mommy or Daddy or Current Girlfriend. Pay your bills, and concentrate on moving past this. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/24 "2005-01-30T07:52:36Z")
If you were around, I’d give you a big hug, and then tell you that men are no good. It’s not true in a lot of cases, but it seems to be part of the human condition to not be able to see bad things about our partners when we’re in love - even when others around us can. I guess that’s how we’re wired. Don’t beat yourself up, dear, because a lot of people have put up with a lot more and for a lot longer. You got out with a bit of financial damage and a little over a year of time - that’s not too bad, considering what it takes to convince some folks to leave. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/25 "2005-01-30T15:32:30Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > That’s not too bad, considering what it takes to convince some folks to leave. And some who never do, despite piles of evidence staring them right in the face. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/26 "2005-01-30T16:52:40Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Should you ever chance to come this way **Rebekkah** , you’re invited to meet and commiserate over tales of undeserved trust. The first round is on me. 😉 I’d say the second is on me, but others have chimed in ahead of me. I think we’ve all been there, Rebekkah, whether it’s an SO or a friend or some other person in our lives. It’s easy to trust those you care about, and hard to see fault even when it’s pointed out by others. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/27 "2005-01-30T17:27:28Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > If you were around, I’d give you a big hug, and then tell you that men are no good. It’s not true in a lot of cases, \ Then why would you say it? ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/28 "2005-01-31T05:13:30Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Then why would you say it? Because it _is_ true in a lot of cases. Being gay, I’ve somehow been decided upon as _the_ shoulder to cry on for female friends with relationship troubles (and I have no idea why it is that we’ve gotten stuck with that role.) And frankly, I’ve heard enough stories to make me realize just how awful guys can be, even if my own experiences weren’t enough to tell me that. I’m sure girls are just the same, but I’ve spent a lot less time consoling straight guys or lesbians, so I just don’t have the personal experience to tell me it’s true. Sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt the thread with by starting another skirmish in the gender wars. I just meant to offer a few kind words. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/29 "2005-01-31T15:18:53Z")
My point is, why say “men are no good” instead of saying something more accurate, like “Some men are no good”, or “That particular man is no good.” I don’t mean to start another skirmish either. It just bothers me when I see people using stereotypes. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/30 "2005-01-31T15:29:14Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I’m sure girls are just the same, but I’ve spent a lot less time consoling straight guys or lesbians, so I just don’t have the personal experience to tell me it’s true. Dude, it’s because when shit happens to us, we go out, get drunk, and tear shit up. I’ve been through some soul-wrenching stuff, but it’s never occured to me to cry on anyone’s shoulder. As for the OP…don’t beat yourself up. Everyone gets taken for a ride sometime. At least you know that you were, and have moved on. I know people that were totally ripped off, and somehow still make excuses for their ex, and will wax nostalgic about them. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/31 "2005-02-01T00:51:00Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > My point is, why say “men are no good” instead of saying something more accurate, like “Some men are no good”, or “That particular man is no good.” Yeah, I got your point. And I’m sorry if I offended you, but this isn’t the appropriate thread to discuss it. If you want to start something in GD, let me know, or email or IM me. I don’t want to take up someone else’s personal thread with a side conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/32 "2005-02-01T04:22:10Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Yeah, I got your point. And I’m sorry if I offended you, but this isn’t the appropriate thread to discuss it. If you want to start something in GD, let me know, or email or IM me. I don’t want to take up someone else’s personal thread with a side conversation. Nope, not offended. Just wanted to point something out - did that, and more than willing to drop it now. ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214/33 "2005-02-01T06:48:36Z")
Rebekkah–there is a good chance that he will try to come back into your life, after his current victim kicks him out. Be kind and understanding and invite him up. Then kick his ass downstairs. Run down to him and apologize, saying you just had to get it out of your system, and help him back up the stairs again. Then kick him back down again, saying, “I learned to tell when someone is lying to me, assmaggot. Too bad you couldn’t do the same!” Then spray your stairs with Lysol. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-myself/287214.md?page=1)