# I Pit NotOkay for convincing the entire board umkay had died! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 23, 2012, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044 "2012-06-23T07:01:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/281 "2012-06-24T19:13:55Z")
[QUOTE=needscoffee] And there are also a number of people who enjoyed and appreciated the threads, but still had questions and concerns nonetheless, which the whole NotOkay incident served to galvanize, and would just like a little factual reassurance. [/QUOTE] So basically you want to know whether or not to be angry that you were delighted under false pretenses? I’m with **RT**. What kind of fucked-up trolling is that? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/282 "2012-06-24T19:15:53Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Why do people keep saying this as if it is a sensible option? The mods are just random people on the internet with a few extra buttons in their user CP, why exactly would we be any happier giving them personal info as opposed to me or you? I have no idea and it’s annoying me too. Yes, it would be easy for her to prove it. I see no reason why she should and she has said that she has no interest in doing so. No one is saying that providing proof would be difficult. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/283 "2012-06-24T19:17:47Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Speaking as someone who is enthralled by behavioral psychology O/T but can you recommend any books? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/284 "2012-06-24T19:18:07Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > Perhaps YOUR chair, which I’m imagining is some sporty lightweight thing, that you can propel with your own two hands, is no big deal. You also have full sensation and no catheter. On top of all that, you’re apparently some kind of gym rat. In your case, the only thing “disabled” about you is that you can’t move your legs. I agree that YOUR chair is not a big deal if some girl really loves you. But your situation is light years from my own, so your comment is complete bullsh\*t. Ok, so let me get this straight: You think the _model of chair_ I have, as well as the fact that I can feel my legs, I don’t have to catheterize myself in order to urinate and that I like to exercise are mitigating factors in love? You think these are reasons for a girl to stay with me, when if they weren’t present she’d leave me? That is UTTER crazy talk. It just solidifies my opinion that you’ve never been in love. TRUST me, I have my own set of extremely unpretty, embarrassing, ‘I wish this wasn’t my body’ issues. And they are fairly unique to my body (given the unusual circumstances of my SCI). I’m far from a “normal guy” who’s just ‘permanently seated’. You don’t KNOW my situation, so you can’t say how far or how close it is to your situation. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/285 "2012-06-24T19:18:23Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Is it necessary that the skeptical snarkiness continue while she builds the longer track record? Snark or no, the new track record seems unlikely. She would have to post about something _other than herself._ ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/286 "2012-06-24T19:21:09Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > So basically you want to know whether or not to be angry that you were delighted under false pretenses? I’m with **RT**. What kind of fucked-up trolling is that? Huh? No, I’m sort of on the fence - no anger or delight involved, just had reasonable doubts. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/287 "2012-06-24T19:24:01Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > I have privately rolled my eyes at the over the top fawning Well, the asslicking was pretty funny. > [@umkay](#): > > And if you really wanna know, I thought YOU could be a dev for the first week or two I interacted with you: immediately PMing me and asking for my Facebook, pressing me for photos and more info on my job, and just seeming to know an awful lot about the “DPW” spectrum, even for a gimp. Poor form to air PM’s in public like **Bob Ducca** said, but I would bet a weeks pay that Jamie simply thought he found someone he could be friends with and is not a devotee of any sort. Jamie really really loves himself. A lot. And isn’t Facebooking each other what most twenty somethings do? We have all seen loads of photos of Jamie as he isn’t camera shy. Of course you have every right to refuse to share your photo, but it was just Jamie being Jamie, not Jamie being a devotee. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/288 "2012-06-24T19:27:35Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Why do people keep saying this as if it is a sensible option? The mods are just random people on the internet with a few extra buttons in their user CP, why exactly would we be any happier giving them personal info as opposed to me or you? They are established presences here. I’ve met one in person and worked with two extensively on articles for the _teemings_ newsletter. Simply that - many of us know more about them vs others and entrust them here on the Dope… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/289 "2012-06-24T19:30:33Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Jamie really really loves himself. A lot. Awww, thanks. I love _you_ too sweetie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/290 "2012-06-24T19:42:09Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Huh? No, I’m sort of on the fence - no anger or delight involved, just had reasonable doubts. Yeah, that’s fair enough. Sorry. I don’t agree with the “how hard would it be,” but I understand where you’re coming from. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/291 "2012-06-24T19:47:53Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > To be clear, it’s her call. Simply a practical way to cut to the chase. If she would prefer to deal with a stream of skeptical snarkiness while she builds a longer track record on the Dope - like **Rand** did for instance, that’s her call, too. Well, you can be as skeptical as you like within the rules, this is true of everything posted here. I don’t believe that gives you the right to hound someone, though. Which this is getting awfully close to being. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/292 "2012-06-24T19:50:31Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I’ve never believed that you play the tuba.🆒 Some would like to forget. _I’ve suffered for my art, now it’s your turn._ ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/293 "2012-06-24T19:54:40Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Well, you can be as skeptical as you like within the rules, this is true of everything posted here. > > I don’t believe that gives you the right to hound someone, though. Which this is getting awfully close to being. Wow, really? Okay, sorry - certainly _not_ my intent. She expresses frustration at the situation, so I suggested - _suggested_ - a practical way to address it. I think **umkay** is legit; I am not trying to hound her. EtA: nothing on a message board is worth _hounding_… ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/294 "2012-06-24T20:03:54Z")
> [@choie](#): > > Why? My post was probably too long, but I’ll _precis_ it for you: > > - Never posted before; first post about sexual fetishists devoted to quads, eye-catching to be sure > > - Next and basically only post: thread all about herself, only posts a couple of times anywhere else without referencing her condition despite apparently loving the SDMB for years > > - DEAD! > > - NOT DEAD! > > I’m sorry, **Tuba** , but… _how long_ have you been on the SDMB again? How long have you been the admin here and seen hundreds of trolls? You don’t deal with **Ed** , who writes skeptically about being skeptical and ferreting out something you may have heard about, called “The Straight Dope”? > > Jesus. You… you don’t still believe in **Wally** , do you? We’re not talking about someone with years or even months of posting activity. And not an obvious troll or they wouldn’t still have posting privileges. ’ People who post only on one subject exclusively and nothing else usually get counseled as it becomes obvious they’re from “one-trick pony” territory. But it’s not an automatic ban right off the bat. No facts in evidence (yet) for your suspicions. If you have any please bring them to our attention, the staff always wants to know about such things. As for Wally … geez, if I ever actually met that plagiarizing lying sack of shit in person I’d probably punch him right in the nose for being such a manipulative scumbag. He fooled a lot of people and caused much pain and distress for his own selfish ends. He’s the root cause of a lot of this agita today, people who were taken in and thoroughly fooled by Wally want to make sure that never happens again. That means that everybody else pays for Wally’s sins. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/295 "2012-06-24T20:08:35Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > _I’m a troll because **Ambivalid** , with his unimpeachable knowledge of all things quad, says I’ve clearly never been in love: **Ambivalid** , you dipshit. What you said about me and my experience was such a f_cking jack@ss para thing to say: “If she was really in love, a chair is no big deal.” Perhaps YOUR chair, which I’m imagining is some sporty lightweight thing, that you can propel with your own two hands, is no big deal. You also have full sensation and no catheter. On top of all that, you’re apparently some kind of gym rat. In your case, the only thing “disabled” about you is that you can’t move your legs. I agree that YOUR chair is not a big deal if some girl really loves you. But your situation is light years from my own, so your comment is complete bullsh\*t. Yeah, I agree with you here. I think a whole lot more people (myself included) would be able/willing to have a relationship with a paraplegic than a quadriplegic. > [@](#): > > \*I’m a troll because of my “perfect” life: Because disabilities only happen to poor, sad, ugly, dumb, inarticulate people, right? Hm… Well it does seem a little extreme to have a perfect life except for one of the worst things that could happen to a person. > [@](#): > > \*I’m a troll because people react kindly to me: Most have, but not all. I can’t control how people react to me. I like nice people (who doesn’t?), but I have privately rolled my eyes at the over the top fawning along with all of you. I don’t “get off” on it, particularly because I know (as has been suggested) that much of it is due solely to my disability. This plays out in my RL all the time, and I find it just as grating there. So, we agree that it’s annoying. We disagree that it is evidence of trollery. If you are real, I believe this. And I don’t think anyone thinks you’re a troll \*because \*of the over the top adulation. They’re two separate issues. People are acting crazy, AND your story strikes a lot of people as unlikely to be true. > [@](#): > > \*I’m a troll because I’m middle-of-the-road on controversial topics: Seriously? That’s further proof I’m a troll? In reality, I’m just uninformed about a lot of controversial subjects, and haven’t yet formed an opinion. Also, I don’t like debating hot-button issues on Internet forums, where people quickly turn vicious. No, it’s not \*proof \*that you are a troll, it just adds one more tick to the “trying to be everything to everyone” side. You wouldn’t outright refuse to talk about everything other than your life, if asked, but you seem to shy away from anything that is likely to alienate anyone and bring the topic right back to your inspirational life. Some people are like that, but you generally seem like the opinionated, curious, interested type. That type of person isn’t usually interested only in discussing their own life. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/296 "2012-06-24T20:10:22Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Wow, really? Okay, sorry - certainly _not_ my intent. She expresses frustration at the situation, so I suggested - _suggested_ - a practical way to address it. I think **umkay** is legit; I am not trying to hound her. > > EtA: nothing on a message board is worth _hounding_… Not you personally, so much, but … geez, there’s been a lot of people posting all kinds of shit on the board and the greater majority of it goes unquestioned by anyone. Because of that I have to question when laser focus to brought to bear on one person and they’re beaten like a rented mule, which is what I think is happening here. If they’re legit this will be borne out. If it’s all a shuck, that will come out too, eventually. This ain’t no ivory tower bastion of truth anyway. Most people wouldn’t be able to post here if it was and to act as if it is, that’s silly. It’s just … people. Writing posts and saying stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/297 "2012-06-24T20:16:39Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I’ve never believed that you [TubaDiva] play the tuba. 🆒 I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again. Not only does she play the tuba, when she plays, she wins. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/298 "2012-06-24T20:17:31Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It just solidifies my opinion that you’ve never been in love. I’m sorry, can you explain how this makes any sense at all? Seems to me that **umkay** ’s two stories about being in love - falling in love with the guy, having a short relationship, and then having the guy cut it short because of the chair - seem totally plausible. But you’re saying because the guys freaked out over the chair, _ **umkay** _ wasn’t in love? I’d get your point if you were claiming they weren’t really in love with her, but this just don’t make no sense.. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/299 "2012-06-24T20:18:12Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > . > It’s just … people. Writing posts and saying stuff. I _know_ - don’t you _hate_ that?! Pesky people. 😉 I hear you; some folks are crushing way too hard and other folks are breaking out the digital tar and feathers. Perspective is a wonderful thing. ---
**Author:** ![choie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/choie/32/7829_2.png) [@choie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choie)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044/300 "2012-06-24T20:40:01Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > We’re not talking about someone with years or even months of posting activity. Right, that was one of my reasons. Too much, too soon. That’s always a warning sign. > [@](#): > > And not an obvious troll or they wouldn’t still have posting privileges. ’ > > People who post only on one subject exclusively and nothing else usually get counseled as it becomes obvious they’re from “one-trick pony” territory. But it’s not an automatic ban right off the bat. > > No facts in evidence (yet) for your suspicions. If you have any please bring them to our attention, the staff always wants to know about such things. Well wait – my point was to answer your question, “Why are people asking for some sort of verification on THIS poster rather than any other “Ask the…” poster?” I wasn’t offering you evidence, I was explaining why THIS poster is different from all the other [del]nights[/del] ones. (Oh God. I was about to make an “on all other nights, we recline” crack, but realized that would be… not a good idea.) > [@](#): > > As for Wally … geez, if I ever actually met that plagiarizing lying sack of shit in person I’d probably punch him right in the nose for being such a manipulative scumbag. He fooled a lot of people and caused much pain and distress for his own selfish ends. He’s the root cause of a lot of this agita today, people who were taken in and thoroughly fooled by Wally want to make sure that never happens again. That means that everybody else pays for Wally’s sins. Other than _that_, Mrs. Lincoln… 😉 And thank you for giving a very good summation of why some people are so disinclined to trust, especially someone who becomes the focus of attention _so_ fast and _so_ furiously. We’ve been burned before. And as far as these just being words on a page… they’re words on a page on a forum allegedly devoted to dispelling ignorance. If someone _is_ pulling a shtick off and bullshitting people, it _does_ kinda matter. At least it does to me. Not enough to hound her personally, but I really don’t think showing dubiousness at extraordinary claims and asking for her to share some info with an admin is _hounding_. If she starts getting vicious PMs (or a schoolbus of kids start poking her), then yeah, that’s hounding. And try though I might **billfishNumbersIcanNeverRemember** , I don’t see anything pervy in what **Ambivalid** seems to have written to **umkay** or was worth her divulging personal material (especially considering, y’know… _boundaries_, dammit! She’s bustin’ the boundaries!\*). - A hug to anyone who recognizes that without Googling. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-notokay-for-convincing-the-entire-board-umkay-had-died/626044.md?page=16)