# I pit our Xmas tree **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 21, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922 "2004-12-21T03:59:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/21 "2004-12-22T05:12:13Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > You know. Wolverines. Mink. Grunions. Like I said, vermin. Wolverines? Oh, yeah. Got it. They’re in the Rose Bowl and not the Badgers. On second thought, it’s not the genuine Rose Bowl this year. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WeRSauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f19dbf/32.png) [@WeRSauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WeRSauron)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/22 "2004-12-22T05:21:45Z")
It’s post like these - and declaring the tree’s star the Star of Earendil - that make me wish I knew you personally. I’ve asked for further clarification from the Dark Vala. His PR office is a bit busy right now, what with trying to blanket out Christmas and all. But in retrospect, any soul is good for Him. Hail, um, Him! WRS/Thû ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/23 "2004-12-22T06:20:01Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Grunions I didn’t realize that it was high tide. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/24 "2004-12-22T13:52:54Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Why are you just putting your Christmas tree up now? You are supposed to be ready to go first thing on the day after Thanksgiving. Not only is that the patriotic, Christian, and proper thing to do, but it also gives you 3 weeks or so to dilligently diagnose and treat whatever ailments the poor tree has developed over the course of the year. Sometimes it takes weeks of toil to fix these things but you simply do not have the time so your Christmas is going to be a little less bright than it could have been. Christian? Noone’s accused me of be Christian in a while. The tree goes up at Winter solstice. Hail the unconquered Sun! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/25 "2004-12-22T13:54:02Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > I didn’t realize that it was high tide. The lake’s been rough. “Does any man know where the love of God goes when the waves turn the minutes to hours?” ---
**Author:** ![GraphicsGal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@GraphicsGal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraphicsGal)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/26 "2004-12-22T16:36:37Z")
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan] The lake’s been rough. QUOTE] Ahhhhhh, you have those rare mutant fresh water lake grunions. I understand they glow in the dark… Now THERE’s an idea…tie the glow-in-the-dark mutant grunions on you tree (or use duct tape in a festive color). Light problem solved. I realize you have placed grunions in the vermin category, however, under the circumstances perhaps you can relent and bring them in out of the cold. This would be a very benevolent winter-solstice-y thing to to. The grunions would be toast, but your tree would be lit! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/27 "2004-12-22T20:19:13Z")
[QUOTE=GraphicsGal] > [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > The lake’s been rough. QUOTE]Ahhhhhh, you have those rare mutant fresh water lake grunions. I understand they glow in the dark… Damn invasive species! First Lamprey, then Alewives, then Zebra Mussels, and now Grunions! They glow, but they give off true black light, or anti-photons. So it’s of little benefit. Sturgeons, on the other hand, make lovely tree decorations. ---
**Author:** ![GraphicsGal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@GraphicsGal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraphicsGal)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/28 "2004-12-22T20:26:38Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Sturgeons, on the other hand, make lovely tree decorations. And the really big ones, the 30+ footers really go a long way. I mean, in your case, all you would need is one. You would not, of course, even consider dwarf sturgeon as they are devout Christians and would rot at top speed to be associated with your solstice flora. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/29 "2004-12-23T22:55:15Z")
Well, we managed to get the tree up and fully lit today! **Qadgop** is quite pleased. And, as no pagan ceremony is quite complete without the spilling of blood, the tree obliged and went for my boyfriend’s wrist during one phase of assembly. No grunions made an appearance, though. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/30 "2004-12-24T02:57:21Z")
Good thing there was a doctor in the house. 😃😛 Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/31 "2004-12-24T03:06:37Z")
Unfortunately, there wasn’t. He was still on his way home from work when the tree made the attack. He was, however, home a few minutes ago when it stabbed my boyfriend in the eye… ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/32 "2004-12-24T03:31:10Z")
I love our Xmas tree! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/33 "2004-12-24T04:59:45Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > I love our Xmas tree! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/34 "2004-12-24T16:36:00Z")
Well, since the Xmas tree savaged him twice, but didn’t kill him, it appears he’s been accepted by the household spirits. Can’t argue with them. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/35 "2004-12-24T16:53:37Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Sturgeons, on the other hand, make lovely tree decorations. You misspelled “surgeons”. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/36 "2004-12-24T20:41:10Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You misspelled “surgeons”. Don’t be silly. You never heard of “tree sturgeons” before? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/37 "2004-12-24T20:54:15Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Don’t be silly. You never heard of “tree sturgeons” before? Sounds fishy to me… ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/38 "2004-12-24T22:14:50Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > You know. Wolverines. Mink. Grunions. Like I said, vermin. DASTARDLY GRUNIONS! \ ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/39 "2004-12-24T23:28:37Z")
Well, now that said BF has survived the murderous artificial Germanic Christmas Symbol and has been accepted by the house spirits (I’ll take bourbon, thanks), he needs an SDMB account. Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922/40 "2004-12-25T00:51:35Z")
> [@Vlad/Igor](#): > > he needs an SDMB account. He [has one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?userid=33366)! He just never uses it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-our-xmas-tree/280922.md?page=3)