# I pit people that just don't listen. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 18, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183 "2013-11-18T16:27:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/41 "2013-11-18T21:29:37Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Start giving nonsensical answers after the second time they ask a question. Do it in a casual tone. See if they’re actually listening or not. > > I guarantee that at some point you’ll get their attention. This is a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/42 "2013-11-18T22:18:25Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > This is a good idea. Do you talk to them OTHER than when they are asking you questions? ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/43 "2013-11-18T22:21:01Z")
> [@simster](#): > > Do you talk to them OTHER than when they are asking you questions? All the time, why? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/44 "2013-11-18T22:21:48Z")
> [@Ayatollah Yawuntz](#): > > If they don’t get it the first time - too bad. Username/post combo FTW! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/45 "2013-11-18T22:39:50Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > All the time, why? If you didn’t have other conversations - they may simply be finding excuses to talk to you, and they keep it to things they can ‘start’ with. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/46 "2013-11-18T23:00:05Z")
To Jesse - I have found that some people in life do not hear the information that you are imparting when you talk to them, they instead are more attuned to the tone of voice or attitude - the emotional content and relational dynamics implied. Instead of hearing, “Good morning”, they hear something that communicates to them, “He thinks I’m stupid! Why the nerve!” Now, in my experience, sometimes these people are finding attitude where there simply is none - they are predisposed to having a negative reaction because of a prejudice. (Think of two people from opposite political parties trying to communicate…) Anywho, this creates a barrier for them in hearing, because they are over-listening and focused on assigning emotional content. Could it be that you have an underlying negative relationship? This could be predisposing them to not listen in a neutral way. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/47 "2013-11-18T23:14:19Z")
1.) Are you sure that you’re enunciating when you’re talking to them? 2.) Are you trying to talk to them when they’re already involved in something else? The reason I ask, is because you sound just like my younger sister. She gets so annoyed at my mom, because my mom supposedly “doesn’t listen”. But my sister has a really bad habit of starting a conversation (or answering a question asked sometime earlier) after my mom has already moved on and is watching a program or something. To make matters worse, she doesn’t always enunciate well, so if my mom asks a question, my sister will answer while turned away, pouring a cup of coffee, and while lazily mumbling. If she gets asked to repeat herself she gets ALL bent out of shape, as if the person is disrespecting her, and doesn’t care enough about her to “pay attention” and so on. When really, what she THINKS she saying is "yes, I made an appointment for the shoer to come at 3pm on Saturday. When what WE hear (from her turned away pouring coffee mumbling self is “mewh, horses, take mmspgrl sedsDay”. My daughter does the same thing, thank GOODNESS she’s not cranky about repeating it and is very good natured about me saying “OMG, eNUNciate!!! gah!!”. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/48 "2013-11-18T23:30:07Z")
Call Mike and have him take care of the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/49 "2013-11-18T23:47:55Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > 1.) Are you sure that you’re enunciating when you’re talking to them? > 2.) Are you trying to talk to them when they’re already involved in something else? > > The reason I ask, is because you sound just like my younger sister. She gets so annoyed at my mom, because my mom supposedly “doesn’t listen”. But my sister has a really bad habit of starting a conversation (or answering a question asked sometime earlier) after my mom has already moved on and is watching a program or something. > > To make matters worse, she doesn’t always enunciate well, so if my mom asks a question, my sister will answer while turned away, pouring a cup of coffee, and while lazily mumbling. If she gets asked to repeat herself she gets ALL bent out of shape, as if the person is disrespecting her, and doesn’t care enough about her to “pay attention” and so on. When really, what she THINKS she saying is "yes, I made an appointment for the shoer to come at 3pm on Saturday. > > When what WE hear (from her turned away pouring coffee mumbling self is “mewh, horses, take mmspgrl sedsDay”. My daughter does the same thing, thank GOODNESS she’s not cranky about repeating it and is very good natured about me saying “OMG, eNUNciate!!! gah!!”. 1. No, if my mom literally cannot understand what I’m saying, then that is on me. If my mom or dad says “sorry, I couldn’t understand you,” then I’ll repeat it more clearly without a problem. 2. As I mentioned before, this is when they’re asking me a question. The problem is, they never listen to the answer and wind up repeating the question a bunch of times over. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/50 "2013-11-18T23:51:45Z")
I know how you feel, I experience the same thing with my mom. Over and over again, the same damn fucking questions, “Who are you?,” “How did I get here?” “Why can’t I remember anything?!” How many more times I have to explain the accident and the resulting brain damage?! I think I’ll just make her a video on continuous loop!\* \*I kid, but I can relate. I’ll get into detailed specifics all the time taking her questions too literally. I can almost feel her attention hit the floor. All she _really_ wants to know is if I’m alright, and that I love her. The rest is just filler chit-chat. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/51 "2013-11-19T00:05:26Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > This is a good idea. I recommend: Do you think setting my hair on fire would be a good thing? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/52 "2013-11-19T00:13:18Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Start giving nonsensical answers after the second time they ask a question. Do it in a casual tone. See if they’re actually listening or not. > > I guarantee that at some point you’ll get their attention. Well, [usually](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aXqgoiVb8E). ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/53 "2013-11-19T00:22:46Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > If I have to repeat something I told you before once, then fine. Twice, I’ll give you the benefit of doubt. Any more than that, it’s clear to me you’re not listening and I’m going to get perturbed. If you don’t like it, tough shit. You should have listened. > > I love my parents, but they are the worst with this. I have to repeat everything that I tell them an average of six times over (not a joke, I actually counted and did the math once). They try to blame it on their age but I’ve been having this problem with them since birth, which includes plenty of time when they were sharp as ever. They only ever pull the “I’m old” excuse in moments when it’s convenient for them. They’re sharp as ever when it comes to anything else, but I mention that this is the sixth time that I’ve told them something and suddenly they’re way too senile for anything. What? > [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > If I have to repeat something I told you before once, then fine. Twice, I’ll give you the benefit of doubt. Any more than that, it’s clear to me you’re not listening and I’m going to get perturbed. If you don’t like it, tough shit. You should have listened. > > I love my parents, but they are the worst with this. I have to repeat everything that I tell them an average of six times over (not a joke, I actually counted and did the math once). They try to blame it on their age but I’ve been having this problem with them since birth, which includes plenty of time when they were sharp as ever. They only ever pull the “I’m old” excuse in moments when it’s convenient for them. They’re sharp as ever when it comes to anything else, but I mention that this is the sixth time that I’ve told them something and suddenly they’re way too senile for anything. Oh that’s better, now I understand you. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/54 "2013-11-19T00:26:48Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Start giving nonsensical answers after the second time they ask a question. Do it in a casual tone. See if they’re actually listening or not. > > I guarantee that at some point you’ll get their attention. I have a friend who answers “JFK” to every direct yes/no type question when he has had a few beers, it pisses me off but is funny when he does it to other people. Of course doing this at the pub means you need to learn to fight or run. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/55 "2013-11-19T01:07:24Z")
Another option: After the first three times you repeat something, give answers to the questions that you would expect they would be asking if they were actually listening. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/56 "2013-11-19T02:42:12Z")
I’ll do what I can. I love them dearly but they do love asking the same questions over and over again. Now that I’ve had my rant and realized I still love them, I feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Jesse\_Pinkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jesse\_Pinkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jesse_Pinkman)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/57 "2013-11-19T02:43:43Z")
Also will people make Breaking Bad jokes every time I post now? Guess I brought on myself, bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/58 "2013-11-19T04:11:13Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > These are my parents though, I should just cut off contact with them over this? Mom / dad, I have told you this now three times. I’m not being a smartass, but if you really aren’t hearing, or understanding me or remembering, we need to talk to your doctor. If you are just ignoring me, then I’ve got better things to do with my time. Either way, I am not repeating it for a fourth time. Lather, rinse, repeat. They go ballistic? Mom / dad, I will be back to visit when you can calm down and be reasonable. Don’t play the game. Disengage and stop letting it be personal. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/59 "2013-11-19T04:29:43Z")
> [@Jesse\_Pinkman](#): > > I’ll do what I can. I love them dearly but they do love asking the same questions over and over again. Now that I’ve had my rant and realized I still love them, I feel better. Good! And you’ll also feel better if you can admit that people aren’t going to think something’s important just because it’s important to you. It’d be great if they did, but… they won’t. We’re all different people, and if my Mom was going on and on about her crocheting, or the church Prayer Quilt group, I might not listen. The same way I can guarantee that she won’t remember when I tell her my computer problems. Or any of my problems, really… ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183/60 "2013-11-19T13:19:26Z")
I sympathise. There’s something my mother wants me to tell her about, nothing important, just when a particular local business re-opens. I want to know it too, I’m excited about it, and have told her I’ll tell her as soon as I hear that it’s open. Yet everytime I talk to her, she asks if it’s open yet. Every time I say no, and I’ll tell her as soon as it is. Yesterday morning I even emailed her about it saying it’s not open yet, but here’s its website now that it’s up, there’s no opening date listed and that I’d let her know when it was updated. I saw yesterday afternoon and she asked me if it was open yet. _head-desk_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-that-just-dont-listen/674183.md?page=4)