# I pit people who talk to themselves in front of others **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 19, 2013, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231 "2013-09-19T14:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/41 "2013-09-19T21:29:37Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > Didn’t read more than two to three posts in this thread – and I have no idea what the OP speaks of. Yet, she is doing exactly what she is complaining about, writing a stream of consciousness that we are supposed to read or care about. And I don’t. Imbeciles who speak to themselves don’t bother me me a bit for as long they keep it low enough that I can watch my movie/TV programs, or hear myself think. > > Now, to be honest, what I found really bizarre, was my ex-MIL silently mimicking my speech pattern while I was speaking to her. Thought there was some “Exorcist” shit going on there…never mind that it was really distracting and hard to keep my train of thought. So I suppose that’s why she is partly my ex. My Mom’s kid doesn’t get much of a pass either although for quite different reasons. > > **Hentor** , is there is a diagnosis for people that do that – both in public and in private? Other than nuts I mean. This is a forum thread. I did not enter an area you occupy and make noises; you entered it, did not read it, do not understand the term “stream of consciousness,” and have now lost control of your bowels. Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/42 "2013-09-19T21:41:07Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Then, like **Missy2U** the talker often berates the other person for interrupting them. > Note how **Missy2U** and others conclude that the “dumbass” who answers them is the real problem! That whoosh was my point completely going over your head. Like **DocCathode** SAID, If I wanted your attention, you’d know it. And after previewing, just reread his entire post above yours. Maybe THAT will give you the clue you so desperately seem to be missing. Me mumbling at my computer is not on the level of Annamika’s coworker or god help us JoeyP’s coworker. It’s me doing what I always do and my husband not picking up on the fact that because I’m working at my computer, talking under my breath, looking at my computer, making notes, etc. and not even looking at him that I might not be saying something to **him**. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/43 "2013-09-19T21:43:35Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Let’s forget **Anaamika** and the other Dopers who are being sensible, have focused specifically on certain individuals, and who I don’t think are assholes. > > Let’s just look at the original post and the original poster (who strikes me as an asshole) > > So the fact that I mumble so much is due to my wanting your attention? When anybody does it, they want your attention **AnaMen**? You must be a truly important person. > > No, it doesn’t. If somebody was actually speaking rather than ‘making noises like they are speaking’, then you would be obliged to respond. > > So you admit these people may have just been mumbling, or grunting rather than actually talking. > My “hostile actions”???!? Say what now? Why do you assume that this behavior is directed at you? Why do you assume it’s hostile? > > Why do I need to inform you, a stranger, of what mental problems I do or don’t have? How about this- you ignore me unless I address you directly. If my vocal and other cues don’t inform you that I’m speaking to you, I’ll try leading with “Excuse me” Of course I am an important person. Who isn’t? Since I have never met you or heard you speak, don’t worry–I’m not bothered by your hoots, grunts, snorts, mumbles or screams. I’m sure anyone around you who complains is probably an asshole who does not understand your condition, which you needn’t explain to me or anyone else. You may roam the streets snorting and snarling unchecked, as is your right. If however, I am the only person within earshot and it appears that you MAY be attempting to form words that MAY be directed towards me, I will, like many other humans, feel obligated to respond. If you continue behaving this way and are capable of stopping it but choose not to, then I’m not the asshole in the room. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/44 "2013-09-19T21:45:54Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > One hopes that the responder always remembers to respond courteously if they think the talker might be addressing them. > > And that the talker will one day figure out that if somebody else continually thinks that your conversations with yourself are addressed to them, then your conversations are probably loud enough to be continually distracting and disturbing them, and that’s rather inconsiderate. Don’t worry **kimstu** - I was being “descriptive”. I do not call him a dumbass. And he is trying to get used to having another person around working from home when he used to being here all by himself - he realized what he was doing and has started paying more attention to the cues I exhibit - like saying, “Hey husband” before I’m going to say something directly TO him versus to my computer screen that has absolutely no bearing on him whatsoever. As I said, he’s not used to having anyone else around during the day. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/45 "2013-09-19T21:47:52Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > That whoosh was my point completely going over your head. > > Like **DocCathode** SAID, If I wanted your attention, you’d know it. > > And after previewing, just reread his entire post above yours. Maybe THAT will give you the clue you so desperately seem to be missing. Me mumbling at my computer is not on the level of Annamika’s coworker or god help us JoeyP’s coworker. It’s me doing what I always do and my husband not picking up on the fact that because I’m working at my computer, talking under my breath, looking at my computer, making notes, etc. and not even looking at him that I might not be saying something to **him**. So if you wanted your husband’s attention, he’d “know it,” but by your own report, he DOESN’T and continues to respond to the fact that you are speaking. But don’t worry, obviously YOU are nothing like those annoying people, it’s just that your husband is daft. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/46 "2013-09-20T01:06:47Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Note how **Missy2U** and others conclude that the “dumbass” who answers them is the real problem! Well, if you present an issue, several people evaluate the issue, and you are presented with a solution you could start working on almost immediately, its hard to see any problem (beyond what you’re trying to make of it). Is it the “Me…! Me…!Me…! Why don’t you all agree with Me and do what I say? Because I Say so…!” nature of your rant? …because I’m sure its gotta be near somebody’s birthday & those festive balloons don’t fill themselves. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/47 "2013-09-20T01:40:54Z")
The solution of responding each time isn’t a solution, since it’s the exact activity I want to avoid. I’m quite tolerant of noises that aren’t a call to action on my part: snoring, food-slurping, crying babies that aren’t mine, traffic, people practicing trumpet, etc., but it’s very hard to get anything done when someone else randomly alternates between requesting your attention for real and talking to themselves in the exact same manner. Each time I must stop what I’m doing and attempt to restart it. People that have to attempt to work near this kind of talker seem to understand this. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/48 "2013-09-20T01:48:00Z")
Guilty! But it also shows how exciting their companions are. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/49 "2013-09-20T03:37:56Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Of course I am an important person. Who isn’t? You aren’t being blasted for thinking that people in general are important. You are being blasted for thinking that you are more important than everyone else. You seem to think that, because you are annoyed by something that someone does, they must subconsciously hate you. At first, I thought you were just being facetious. But then you double down on it in post #19. You honestly seem to think that people talk to themselves just to annoy you. And that’s just fucking paranoia and deserves to be ridiculed. Talking to themselves is just something some people do. Some people have a hard time keeping everything in their head, and saying it out loud helps them think more clearly. If it gets so loud that it bothers you, you can nicely ask them to try to be quieter about it. But if it’s just mumbling or grunting, like you said in your OP, you are in fact supposed to ignore it. It’s no different to how you are supposed to ignore people in a crowd who are clearly not talking to you. If someone actually wants your attention, they’ll try something else when you don’t respond. Passive aggressiveness about it is fucking stupid. No one who hasn’t already figured out that their talking is bothering you is going to figure it out because you act like they are talking to you. Your choices are to ignore it or inform them that it’s bothering you. And I’ve already told you when one or the other is most reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/50 "2013-09-20T04:25:51Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You aren’t being blasted for thinking that people in general are important. You are being blasted for thinking that you are more important than everyone else. You seem to think that, because you are annoyed by something that someone does, they must subconsciously hate you. > > At first, I thought you were just being facetious. But then you double down on it in post #19. You honestly seem to think that people talk to themselves just to annoy you. And that’s just fucking paranoia and deserves to be ridiculed. > > Talking to themselves is just something some people do. Some people have a hard time keeping everything in their head, and saying it out loud helps them think more clearly. If it gets so loud that it bothers you, you can nicely ask them to try to be quieter about it. But if it’s just mumbling or grunting, like you said in your OP, you are in fact supposed to ignore it. It’s no different to how you are supposed to ignore people in a crowd who are clearly not talking to you. If someone actually wants your attention, they’ll try something else when you don’t respond. > > Passive aggressiveness about it is fucking stupid. No one who hasn’t already figured out that their talking is bothering you is going to figure it out because you act like they are talking to you. Your choices are to ignore it or inform them that it’s bothering you. And I’ve already told you when one or the other is most reasonable. Where did you get the idea that I pretend I think they are talking to me when I know they are not or that I don’t directly inform them that it bothers me? The entire reason that it is bothersome is the fact that I have to stop what I’m doing and try to figure out whether they are talking to me. This has nothing to do with me thinking I am “more important” than them. It is genuinely important to me NOT to ignore someone trying to speak to me. I don’t think they do it because they hate me at all, but for attention and acknowledgement and they don’t care that this attention comes at my expense, which makes it selfish and rude, not hateful. Now you might assume that if they want acknowledgement, they’d just actually say something to me, but then they’d have to think of something to say. People speaking for no other purpose than to be acknowledged by others is perfectly normal, and this is just an extreme version of it sans meaningless pseudocontent. When someone cares more about being acknowledged than the fact that they are bothering someone who has clearly and directly informed them in no uncertain terms that this behavior is disruptive to them, then there is nothing paranoid about the idea that they are behaving in a hostile manner. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/51 "2013-09-20T12:59:13Z")
So, I was thinking about this yesterday again. There are four people in my office, other than me. All four of them talk to themselves, but only two of them do so audibly - and those are the two that are annoying. So yes, there is a difference. One of them is my boss, however, so there is a limit to what I can say. My RL name rhymes with Mika so if my boss has NOTHING else to say she’ll say Mika mika bobika That stupid poem. And she’ll sing it. And then she’ll laugh and look at me expectantly, thinking I think it funny, too. I don’t laugh. Then she says “SMILE, IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY.” I swear, one of these days, POW! Right in the kisser. ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/52 "2013-09-20T13:35:05Z")
I talk to myself a lot, not only at work. I think out loud. I talk to my computer/software. I ask the paper files why they are out of order. I talk to my tools. I bitch at my car. My mom always said I talk to hear my head rattle and she may well be right. I have told my co-workers I feel for them, but they all say it’s not a problem. One person told me that I brighten her day with my not-so internal monologues. If I did not say your name and make sure you acknowledged I was speaking to you, then I am not talking to you. The noises you hear coming from my cubicle can safely be ignored. Use this in your life. If an individual does not engage you directly before starting to make noise, ignore them. If they don’t like it, tough. Just tell them you didn’t think they were talking to you because they did not get your attention before speaking. Tell them you have tunnel vision and just tune things out until your name activates your listening ports. Because this is true for me–I mostly assume everyone is talking to someone else. Until someone gets my specific attention I am tuned into what I am doing, not the noises happening around me. How else would I be able to ignore all the talking that goes on all day long in a work environment? People on the phone, having cube meetings, discussing who knows what? I just ignore it all until someone says my name\*. **Anaamika** , I don’t think the problem with your boss is that she talks to herself… \*I have a very unusual name; if someone around me says it they are talking to or about me. I realize this doesn’t work quite as well if your name is more common. The solution to that is a work name that you chose to use–your last name, nickname, or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/53 "2013-09-20T13:44:42Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > Don’t worry **kimstu** - I was being “descriptive”. I do not call him a dumbass. And he is trying to get used to having another person around working from home when he used to being here all by himself - he realized what he was doing and has started paying more attention to the cues I exhibit - like saying, “Hey husband” before I’m going to say something directly TO him versus to my computer screen that has absolutely no bearing on him whatsoever. As I said, he’s not used to having anyone else around during the day. My husband is you Missy. He talks to himself when working out a problem and since for the moment our offices are different sides of the same room we had to come up with a solution. It really was as simple as you say. When he’s actually talking to me he needs to raise his voice slightly louder than his mumbling tone and use my name. I will then acknowledge that he has my attention and he then talks to me. It took us a couple months of being irritated with each other: Me: OMG you never shut up Him: OMG you don’t pay attention when I’m talking to you before we worked it out. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/54 "2013-09-20T14:39:19Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > My husband is you Missy. He talks to himself when working out a problem and since for the moment our offices are different sides of the same room we had to come up with a solution. > > It really was as simple as you say. When he’s actually talking to me he needs to raise his voice slightly louder than his mumbling tone and use my name. I will then acknowledge that he has my attention and he then talks to me. > > It took us a couple months of being irritated with each other: > Me: OMG you never shut up > Him: OMG you don’t pay attention when I’m talking to you > before we worked it out. THANK YOU for understanding what I was getting at. This all the time togetherness stuff can be difficult at times - especially after seventeen years and you have to rework everything that “used to be”! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/55 "2013-09-20T15:17:40Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > The human self-talkers I speak of would be very upset if I terminated contact with them. I honestly doubt that, knowing a few hu-mans and all. Feel free to terminate and prove me wrong. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/56 "2013-09-20T15:47:34Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Well it just seems that being in proximity to people causes you to have to deal with perfectly normal things they say and do, and that this troubles you because you take their idiosyncrasies as personal, intentional affronts to your sensibilities. As a remedy, I would recommend you do what you can to abstain from further contact with human beings so we can all be as offensive as we want to each other. This. Exactly this. If there are people (or a person) in your life, who actually IS, for some passive-aggressive reason, doing this to you, then the cure is to ignore them until they DO say your name. Or preferably explain it to them, and let them know in no uncertain terms “Hey, if you do that mumbling thing, and are actually trying to talk to me, I will NOT be responding unless/until you say my name, and it is clear that you are talking to me”. Because you’re right, if it’s truly a passive-aggressive attention-whore thing, it IS really rude. For example, I adore my sister to death, but she has this annoying habit of starting to discuss something without directly engaging the other person., and will talk too low to be clearly understood. Usually to my poor mom, who’s in her mid 70s and is not only more easily distracted, but doesn’t hear quite as well as she used to. So an example would be, my mom will be watching TV, and fully engaged in a program, and my sister will simply start talking about something important (to her anyway). “so, yeah, I think we should probably take your car in for servicing because of that thing it’s doing, what do you think”? And of course mom doesn’t answer because she’s not even really aware that sis is saying anything to her. Then when sis doesn’t get an answer she gets all snippy about it. “Jeez, thanks! just ignore me”! When countered with “well, I didn’t understand you, you weren’t talking to me, or saying it clearly enough,” she gets even huffier. “Well everyone ELSE understands me just fine, you’re just purposely ignoring me”! (Lest folks misconstrue this to be a rant against my darling baby sister, let me be clear. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and hers just happens to be a bit of hypersensitivity that other people, especially her loved ones, aren’t paying the right amount of attention to her, and it’s an occasional, not an on-going constant thing). Anyway… If THAT is the sort of thing going on with you that is causing this kind of annoyance for you, and you’re just lumping all folks who talk to themselves into one category, you need to address the persons or person who is doing the sort of thing my sister does, and not just the general habit itself. They ARE two very different things. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/57 "2013-09-20T15:57:04Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > Did she say Joeeyyyy, the Joe-meister, Joe-schimono, typin’ on the Dope…😃 That’s SO 80s, it’s now “PC Load Letter???”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/58 "2013-09-20T16:11:15Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > It’s like traffic helicopters circling over head. 😉 Helicopters are for paranoids. What I deal with is more like a flight of fully loaded harriers taking off in an amphitheater. Except voices. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/59 "2013-09-20T16:25:58Z")
Well, part of the problem could definitely be the fact that people seldom call me by name. I have one of those names that is, quite simply, unpleasant-sounding. I rely on other cues to determine whether someone is speaking to me, but they are not so reliable. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231/60 "2013-09-20T16:29:11Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I honestly doubt that, knowing a few hu-mans and all. Feel free to terminate and prove me wrong. The particular humans I speak of, not self-talkers in general. Obviously if I don’t even know a person, they wouldn’t care if I terminated contact with them, since there would be no contact to terminate. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-talk-to-themselves-in-front-of-others/669231.md?page=4)