# I Pit people who use nicknames at work! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 21, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958 "2007-05-21T18:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/41 "2007-05-21T21:41:56Z")
Holy shit, what if Jane Smith interviews at your company and you already HAVE a Jane Smith? I guess they’d just show her the door. How on earth would that problem possibly be overcome? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/42 "2007-05-21T21:44:43Z")
[QUOTE=BoBettie] Holy shit, what if Jane Smith interviews at your company and you already HAVE a Jane Smith? I guess they’d just show her the door. How on earth would that problem possibly be overcome? [/QUOTE] “Janey’s gotta gun…” :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/43 "2007-05-21T22:03:02Z")
[QUOTE=Sofaspud] But if I were to try to maintain a list of nicknames, even for only the repeat offenders, I’d run out of time to get other things done. I’ve TRIED it, for chrissakes. [/QUOTE] Try harder. In case you hadn’t got the hint of my earlier post, the only way to do this is memorising them. Yes, it’s possible. No, it’s not easy. Yes, it’s evidently part of your job. No, perhaps it’s not a part of the job you expected or planned for. Get on with it. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/44 "2007-05-21T22:09:51Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] But if my post is correct, the problem is not with salespeople not providing customers with unique identifiers, but with the system that allows customers to communicate sales information using only name to identify them. [/QUOTE] What’s with the “but”? Those two concepts are not mutually exclusive. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/45 "2007-05-21T22:15:20Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons] What’s with the “but”? Those two concepts are not mutually exclusive. [/QUOTE] You’re right. At least one of my buts was unnecessary. I have a but problem. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/46 "2007-05-21T22:31:20Z")
I think the OP is mistaken in blaming the bearers of nicknames for the simple reason that nicknames are bestowed on people by others. Very, very few people give themselves nicknames, and those who do are usually blowhard wankers (we had one guy, Jim, who insisted on being “Jimbo” to the point of sticking "Jimbo’s _whatever_ on items in Dymo tape. Nobody called him Jimbo). Anyway, I like nicknames, especially the classics like: **Bluey** (a redhead) (useless as) **Titzener** (bull) **Taillight** (a bit dim) **Avachat** **Wodza (paggada)** (surname Sigsworth) ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/47 "2007-05-22T00:01:47Z")
[QUOTE=Sofaspud] But if I were to try to maintain a list of nicknames, even for only the repeat offenders, I’d run out of time to get other things done. I’ve TRIED it, for chrissakes. [/QUOTE] Open an Excel worksheet on Row 1, set column A to the value “Nickname” then set column B to the value “Legal Name” Left Click Row 1 (highlighting the whole row) Left Click **Data** to see the drop-down Scroll down to **Filter** and Left Click Scroll Right to **AutoFilter** and Select it Save the worksheet. Enter any newly discovered nickname in column A under the heading “Nickname” After investigating, Enter the legal name in column B under the heading “Legal Name” Save the worksheet. Any time a nickname shows up, Left Click on the **drop-down arrow** on the right side of the cell containing “Nickname,” then click on “**(Custom…)**” and enter the nickname in the search field, specifying “ **equals** ” or “ **begins with** ” or “ **contains** ” (depending on how your nicknames tend to arrive). Then compare the legal names to the last name on the bonus request. If the nickname is new, enter it in Column A and (when you have figured out the Legal Name) add that to Column B. (Be sure to use the same row.) Save the worksheet. (If you want to get fancy, add their employee ID, phone, office, etc. in columns C, D, E, etc.) While this may appear to be too much work, it would certainly seem to be much easier than researching the same employees every month. If this is seriously “too much work,” you might want to write a nasty letter to the CEO for buying such incredibly stupid software and attach it to your letter of resignation. * * * (If you find an employee with the nickname “Nickname,” you have my permission to go yell at them for several minutes.) ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/48 "2007-05-22T00:02:28Z")
[QUOTE=TheLoadedDog] Nobody called him Jimbo. [/QUOTE] Haaa! That cracked me up right out loud! That tickled me to pieces, and I am not sure why. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/49 "2007-05-22T00:19:23Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT] …(unless you get emails like “Can you give me a new W2? I’d like to make a change. Tx, Mike” and you have 40 different “Mike” 's working for you). [/QUOTE] If you have 40 different “Mike” 's working for you and they all share the same email address, then you have more problems than just a poorly configured ERP system… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Dying\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dying\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dying_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/50 "2007-05-22T01:04:20Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] You are no longer Big Tuna! You’re now Big Haircut! [/QUOTE] Very first thing I thought of. I miss Jim’s old hair. ☹ Anyway. I knew a girl who demanded to be called Angel. Angel was not her name. Not her middle name, nor her nickname. But she wanted it to be. She was also a huge bitch, so I actually got away with not calling her anything at all. The initial conversations were still annoying, though. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/51 "2007-05-22T01:17:38Z")
[QUOTE=Sofaspud] There’s a difference between calling you something – a nickname – and using that nickname in a legal transaction involving money, the IRS, the state tax agencies, the check processing service, and a host of other entities. Which, if you aren’t aware, rather firmly insist on legal names only, please (and yes, they also insist on ID numbers, but the name is there as a cross-check.) [/quote] So you admit you have the ID number. So what’s the problem again? > [@](#): > > Perhaps I was too vague. Perhaps you’re deliberatly misinterpreting. Let’s go with the former. > [@](#): > > But here’s the deal, as plain as I can make it: you’re free to do whatever the hell you want. I am not ABLE to accomodate your wish to be known as ‘Sky’ (or whatever you want this week), when it comes to the funds I handle. I don’t know what you mean by “accommodate.” I assume your employee Mitzi knows that to the IRS she will ever be Jean Millicent Fasbender and that’s the name that will be on her checks, so other than making sure YOU know she’s Mitzi, what precise accommodation does she want? To the contrary, it seems YOU expect Mitzi to accommodate your corporate master by either being known by Jean (her mother’s name, a name she loathes) or actually legally changing her name to Mitzi. > [@](#): > > If you don’t like it, that’s too bad – see options (a) or (b) in my previous post on how you can solve the problem. It’s not that I don’t want to get you your money; it’s that I don’t have the ability to keep track of people who choose to make their lives more difficult, and I’m rather tired of them bitching about it. Jean Millicent’s use of Mitzi is **not your problem**. If there is an inconvenience attached, it naturally should attach to her. So “bitching” at you would certainly be out of order, and a civil response that you can’t keep track of everyone who goes by a nickname would certainly be reasonable. But she is hardly “stupid” to use the name she’s been known by since forever, the name she prefers, the names by which customers know her. And she has no obligation to _change her name_, for God’s sake, to satisfy your slavish devotion to the hive mind. > [@](#): > > Hey, yeah, no big deal, I have plenty of time to chat with every yahoo who thinks they’re a special snowflake. :rolleyes: Well, since you have access to their ID numbers but yet cannot reconcile that a check made out to employee ID number 123 should go to the employee with ID number 123, I guess that makes you a special education snowflake. > [@](#): > > See, I didn’t say you HAVE to change your name. I pointed out that the only available options are to change it or to use their real one. I don’t give a shit what you call yourself _as long as I can reliably identify you_. But if I were to try to maintain a list of nicknames, even for only the repeat offenders, I’d run out of time to get other things done. I’ve TRIED it, for chrissakes. Then I guess you’ll just have to live with a situation in which you personally lack the skill to track alternate names and your company as a whole stupidly also lacks a system to track alternate names – or even to track employees by ID numbers or social security numbers, like every other employer in the States. What kills me – astonishes me – is that your solution, rather than you learn a skill or your employer upgrade its system, is that the EMPLOYEE change their name. I’ve heard of the exhaltation of the corporate before, but really that about takes the cake. And “going by their legal name” if that is NOT what they prefer and currently go by is also changing their name, BTW. > [@](#): > > If it were only 3 people, do you think I’d be ranting about it? Those were an example, sweetie. Well, I don’t know the number at which your ability to cope fails. And don’t condescend to me, pookie. > [@](#): > > Oooh, you’re SUCH a REBEL! :rolleyes: If you think that this sort of issue is worth ‘bucking the system’ over, then I doubt anything I say would get through to you. If by “get through to me” you mean “make me agree with you,” you are correct. > [@](#): > > Think about it, brainiac: the company already HAS all your personal information. The only person you’re hurting here… is you! Well, wow! Good for you. Personally, I’d prefer my self-flagellation to have some, I dunno, more useful purpose. Yeah, well, to each their own. If it’s worth dear old Jean Millicent’s time to walk down to your office every month until you grok that she is Mitzi, then her self-flagellation is NOYB – provided she doesn’t attempt to give you a rasher of shit for something that I’ve already admitted is largely her problem. > [@](#): > > I’m annoyed and ticked off enough to rant. Why? Because I hate stupidity and I hate inefficiency and when one leads to the other I hate it even more. You _might_ have a point if there were privacy issues at stake or something like that. There aren’t. This is stupidity, plain and simple. It is NOT stupid to be referred to by the name you prefer, have built a reputation on, and that your customers are familiar with. And the “inefficiency” argument is bullshit. If you want to maximize efficiency, just issue them all ID numbers and dispense with names altogether – that should fully satisfy your bean-counter’s brain. ---
**Author:** ![Sofaspud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8491ac/32.png) [@Sofaspud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofaspud)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/52 "2007-05-22T04:43:29Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] Just to be clear: 1. Sales person John “Bud” Smith goes out and sells stuff. 2. The customer fills out a form so Bud can get a bonus for his sales. 3. The only identifying information on the form is Bud’s name, and relies on the customer knowing it and entering it accurately. 4. You have no system in place to figure out “Budd Simth” is actually John Smith. 5. In your opinion, this is all Bud’s fault for interacting with his customers using the name he actually goes by, rather than what’s on his birth certificate. Is that right? Bud’s not typing his own name into the form or anything? [/QUOTE] No. Sales person is entering his OWN name into the customers system. Hence, my ire is directed at the one person who can most easily solve the problem, the sales person. To address the majority of everyone else: of COURSE I know this isn’t the way to design a database system; no, I wasn’t the one who did so; yes, I’m aware the PROPER solution is to fix the goddamn system; no, I can’t do that; and fuck you if you can’t accept the fact that some things aren’t as we’d like them to be and there’s no way to change. Well, the last one may not be quite true. I’m in the process of trying to change the system. But since it is _not a system we control_, there’s a whole hell of a lot of resistance and inertia getting it fixed. So, pardon me if I’m a bit ticked off at people who can’t get it through their head that they are causing the problem, that there’s several things THEY can do to fix it but not a goddamn thing that I can, and who repeatedly get pissed at me because THEY caused the issue in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/53 "2007-05-22T16:05:41Z")
[QUOTE=Sofaspud] So, “Bambie-not-Barbara”, “Larry - I don’t like Michael and my middle name is Lawrence” [/QUOTE] Ah, reminds me of my old cow-orker office manager. She found a new worker in the office had the same first name and a similar surname. So, in an email, she asked the new worker (my girlfriend) if she had a middle name she could use instead to avoid any confusion. “Cheeky fecker” thought my girlfriend and dutifully ignored the request. What made this story so nice, was that cow-orker was already using _her own_ middle name, as she didn’t like the first name her parents gave her 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/54 "2007-05-22T16:18:44Z")
[QUOTE=Sofaspud] No. Sales person is entering his OWN name into the customers system. Hence, my ire is directed at the one person who can most easily solve the problem, the sales person. [/QUOTE] In this case, I’ll cut you a bit more slack, as asking John Smith not to call himself Bud when applying for a bonus is not completely unreasonable. I do think you’re placing a disproportionate amount of blame on the salespeople, though. Just because the other cause of the problem (poor database/interface design and HR’s inability to link a common-use name with a legal name) are entrenched and hard to fix doesn’t transfer all blame to the people you might be able to browbeat into avoiding the pitfalls of a poorly-designed system. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/55 "2007-05-22T16:45:22Z")
Jesus, I’m totally with **Sofaspud** on this one. If I _know_ my bonus gets paid based on what the customer puts in that field, I will say “Hey, I know you know me as TroubleAgain, but when you fill in that field, can you please put Firstname Lastname so I’ll be sure to be paid?” How effin’ hard is that? He has no control over the system. He has no control over the customer or the sales person. He is getting bitched out by the sales person like it’s his fault. **After the first time a sales person doesn’t get paid and he gives his speech about nicknames** , it’s the stupid idiot sales person who can’t be bothered to tell the customer his real name that is at fault. Like their name or hate it, it’s still at least partly their responsibility to make sure they get paid! On edit, I see that they’re putting in their own name, which makes it even more stupid to keep putting in a nickname. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2007, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/56 "2007-05-23T23:05:53Z")
[QUOTE=John Mace] I always wanted to be called T-Bone. Tee-BONE, tee-BONE, tee-BONE! [/QUOTE] You shall henceforth be known as Koko! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2007, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958/57 "2007-05-23T23:43:36Z")
I have a legal first name, two legal middle names, and a legal last name. Even the gov’mint can’t decide what they think my name is. My e-mail address at work does not follow the usual pattern because that created an obscenity. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-people-who-use-nicknames-at-work/404958.md?page=2)