# I pit screaming kids in a restaurant and asshole parents and spineless managers **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 27, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052 "2005-06-27T15:38:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Humanist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/71c47a/32.png) [@Humanist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humanist)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/61 "2005-06-28T00:37:56Z")
My little girl has done fine in restaurants from 16 mos. onward. The greatest tool in any parent’s repertoire? Distraction. Get there attention quickly, and do something awkward. Flip a coin. Talk about something they can see on the table. If they’re old enough, ask about what colors they see. Teach them the words for the new things they see. In my experience, the only difficult part is getting her attention. Sometimes, I’ve had to take her outside to do this. But, once you have their attention (and, by extension, they have yours), it’s a piece of cake to direct it at something of interest other than throwing a fit. My daughter has not given us many problems in restaurants because they are wonderful opportunities to learn and discuss new things. The best lesson I ever got from my mother about parenting was to always stop for a second and consider the child’s perspective. So… you’re 2 years old, and all the people who normally spend all day talking to you are talking to each other and ignoring you. What, by your reasoning, is the best way to get the attention back on you, where it obviously belongs? They aren’t exactly Einsteins yet, and they don’t have any ethical calculus to weigh the good of getting attention against the evil of disrupting everyone else’s meal. I’ve never been on restaurant wait staff, but back when I was in retail management, I used the very direct approach to out-of-control kids. I bent down to get face to face with them, they got The Look, along with “Don’t (do whatever)”. Most of the time, in today’s non-confrontational world where strangers leave other strangers and their kids alone, that scared the piss out of them, and they’d go run to Mommy or Daddy to save them from the evil giant. Most of the time I felt sorry for them; they were literally hiding under the counters after I went to see them. In the cases where the child was too young for this approach, the parents would be informed. “Excuse me, ma’am, but did you realize that your child almost cut himself running past the edge of that shelf there?” usually works well. Re: the OP, anyone who continued to curse at me or any fellow employee got a single, unambiguous warning, and then was asked to leave and never return. A call to the police was only necessary once, usually the threat was enough to make them realize that they were out of line. The one time it got serious, my boss recieved three calls commending me on my professionalism in handling the situation. I honestly dont’ know if I’d throw someone out for having a screaming child with them… but I damn sure would have if they’d cursed at me for suggesting that they needed to handle it. ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/62 "2005-06-28T01:56:14Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Last night, I took my mother out to dinner. She’s 94 and we really enjoy these outings because we all realize there might not be one next weekend. She loves an Italian place near her home; we go there on a regular basis and she wanted to go there last night. > > Family From Hell ™, complete with Hellspawn, is there. The kid is about a year and a half old or so, and has discovered that he has lungs and vocal cords. And he’s using them just for the sheer joy of screaming. Every time he does, the parents do this “nanny-nanny-boo-boo don’t do that any more” shit with him and the kid eats it up because they are paying attention to him and he doesn’t perceive it as punishment. > > After about 10 minutes, I call the waitress over and ask if we can relocate. Place is full to the gills. I then ask her to go over and ask the Family From Hell to quiet Hellspawn down. She hems and haws and gets the manager. I ask her the same thing. She and the waitress walk off and a few minutes later, the manager goes over and speaks to the table. Response from dad was profanity, to the effect that the effin’ kid is just being a effin’ kid and that’s what effin’ kids do. > > Had I been the manager, I would have asked them to leave the restaurant at that point. Instead, she comes back over _and tells us, in effect, that there is nothing she can do and we will just have to put up with it!!!_ My response was basically “You’re kidding me, right?” When she said no, I said “Thank you for your effort, but we are leaving now. And we won’t be back.” > > Now, Mom doesn’t manuver all that well. She has to use a walker and she’s damn near blind. But she almost popped a wheelie on the walker getting away from the table. To top things off, the manager had the gall to come out to the lobby waving our check and telling me that I needed to pay it. I took great delight in telling her loudly, in front of the customers waiting to be seated, that I had no intention of paying it after the sorry service we had been given and that if she wanted it paid, she could give it to the Family From Hell, because they were the ones responsible for our leaving and never coming back. > > Aaaarrrgghhhh. These parents were breathing proof that people should have to take a test and pass it prior to squeezing out a podling and inflicting it on the world. And the restaurant chain Powers-That-Be will most assuredly hear of their manager’s lack of a spine or a brain. > > Aaaarghhh. It bears repeating. :mad: :mad: :mad: You didn’t say if the restaurant was a chain - like Macaroni Grille or Olive Garden, but I’ve come to avoid chain restaurants like the plague. I may sound like a snob, but I’d rather fork over more $$$ and have a pleasant dining experience. I fully understand the child was being a child, but the child should be a child somewhere where it is mutually agreeable for the child to be a child - like Chuck E. Cheese or McDonald’s playlands. VCNJ~ ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/63 "2005-06-28T07:28:36Z")
Hmm, my parent’s theory was that the kids are bored. Don’t take your children out to a restaurant if you and the other adults are going to talk OVER them the entire time. Either include them in the conversation, or give them something to do (colouring books for example). My sisters and I were never bored in the restaurant because my parents talked to us all the time. It was a FAMILy outing, not mum and dad having a night out and having to drag the kids along. We were never ignored for any period of time, and if you’re not bored you neither have to seek attention nor do you have to manufacture your own entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![marymargaret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@marymargaret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marymargaret)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/64 "2005-06-28T09:25:44Z")
I always tried to take my kids outside the restaurant (if they were acting up) while my husband stayed inside waiting for our food to be served. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/65 "2005-06-28T14:25:43Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > We had ordered and tried to eat the salads. The meal was being delivered to our table when we left, so we did not eat the main course. > > Suppose you were in a restaurant and the john backed up and the stench was noticeable at your table. You ask to be moved, then are told you can’t be and that you have to put up with it. Would you pay for a meal under those circumstances? Same thing here. No, I agree that if you were unable to eat the main course then you should not have to pay for it. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/66 "2005-06-28T16:01:56Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > Two facts which tell me what the problem is, right there - Daddy is a foul mouthed plank who likes shouting at women and the woman manager is afraid of loudmouthed men. However politically correct we all might like to be, those are two pretty typical kinds of people. How are you so sure? Daddy may just be a crude cretin who yells at anyone, and the manager could be a quiet retiring type who would not handle confrontation with a loud woman well. The sex here may be irrelevant. And it would probably be better if Daddy had never had any. Then, no kid. Oh, wait - the Pit. Fuckshitcocksuckinggoatfelcher ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/67 "2005-06-28T16:23:13Z")
Do any doper parents still inflict _the look_? Learned from my parents, it is the equivalent of _whatever the hell you’re doing, you’d best stop doing it right goddamn now or I’ll feed you to the wolverines!_ It was very effective on my siblings and me, and littlecats knows _the look_, although thankfully, she’s a well-behaved child. Lucky for her-I’ve got the number for Wolverine Express, just in case. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/68 "2005-06-28T17:46:09Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Do any doper parents still inflict _the look_? Learned from my parents, it is the equivalent of _whatever the hell you’re doing, you’d best stop doing it right goddamn now or I’ll feed you to the wolverines!_ It was very effective on my siblings and me, and littlecats knows _the look_, although thankfully, she’s a well-behaved child. Lucky for her-I’ve got the number for Wolverine Express, just in case. 😉 I learned the proper _Look_ techniques from my mom whose idea of parenting was to carefully instill The Fear of God into me. Believe me, after The Look, there would be pinching (under the table, of course, to avoid people thinking she was abusive). I usually responded pretty well to The Look. Then there’s the Counting to Three…again, followed by some sort of physical pain if I didn’t comply. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/69 "2005-06-28T18:26:02Z")
If it’s a chain, I’d consider writing a letter copied to both the manager of the local restaurant and to the corporate headquarters, certified, return receipt requested. Worth a shot, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Craneop2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Craneop2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Craneop2)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/70 "2005-06-28T19:25:35Z")
About twenty years ago something very similar to the OP happened to my wife and I. It was our 10th anniversary and we decided to go to a Steak and Ale restaurant. Not top of the line but much nicer than we usually had funds for a dinner out. We had recieved our entrees and a family was seated one table over. The father was obviously intoxicated and the three kids were little terrors. They yelled and screamed and the parents were oblivious to thier actions. Two of the kids went to an unoccupied table and began stabbing the leather chairs with forks. I got up from the table and told the cashier about what was happening. The manager approached the table and warned the parents to controll the kids. I pointed to the fork stabbed chairs. The manager then told the father that he would be responsible for the repair cost of the chairs. The father became indignant and loud. He also said that not only was he not about to pay for the chairs but was not going to pay for the bill either!(they only had time to consume a couple bloody marys each). Manager apparently repaired back to the desk and phoned the police. The manger brought us our bill personally and on the bottom had printed COMPED. I slid a twenty into the leather pouch anyway and we left( probably wouldn’t have covered the whole bill, but might make a nice tip for the waitstaff.) In the parking lot the police were having a talk with drunken father and he was VERY attentive standing there in handcuffs. Somtimes things just work out. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/71 "2005-06-29T02:56:57Z")
An update. Letter to the Houston area office went in the mail today, cc’ed to the site manager. Let’s see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/72 "2005-06-29T03:14:00Z")
Yes, please let us know the response. As a veteran letter-writer, I am naturally curious/nosy about such things. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/73 "2005-06-29T04:22:48Z")
> [@DirkGntly](#): > > That’s true…but why are they badly behaved? Unquestionably, it is because the child is being raised without proper guidance and discipline. Unquestionably? Sometimes even good kids have bad days. This does NOT mean that anyone else should have to listen to the kid scream, but I don’t think it’s fair to make a sweeping judgement about the whole family because the kid is behaving badly. What matters is how the parents handle it, and they may be shy about being forceful in front of people (which is why they should take it outside). > [@](#): > > at 18 months or so, I can absolutely assure you, and child WILL understand corporal punishment applied at appropriate times and in appropriate measures. Most parents would not want to hit their kids in public. Understandably so, I would think. Why not just take the kid outside rather than do violence to him in front of a restaurant full of people? > [@](#): > > This is not ALWAYS corporal, but more than likely as not, it would at least be understood. I feel sorry for your kids, if you have any, which I hope you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![MidnightRadio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@MidnightRadio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MidnightRadio)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/74 "2005-07-03T08:44:39Z")
I was at a local bar and grill with a friend a few years ago and there were two women and (I assume) their children sitting in the booth behind us. These children were _not_ toddlers. The youngest was probably around five and the oldest would have been nine or ten. The children were making all sorts of racket, including picking their plates up and slamming them back down on the table while screaming something that sounded like “Dookey, dookey, dookey.” My friend and I tolerated it for a while, but then my friend finally broke down and asked a manager to ask them to be quiet. The manager refused, saying—in a somewhat scolding tone—“We consider ourselves to a family restaurant.” ---
**Author:** ![stegon66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@stegon66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stegon66)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2005, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/75 "2005-07-03T12:49:54Z")
> [@](#): > > See, but if there are customers creating a disturbance, then it’s part of the waitstaff/manager’s job to either get them to stop… Actually it’s just the manager’s job - that’s why they’re called managers. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/76 "2005-07-04T02:20:06Z")
> [@gaucho](#): > > So take your fucking kids to fucking McDonald’s or get a fucking babysitter. No one going out to dinner wants to hear that fucking shit. Even McDonalds. Obviously, you put up with more noise at fast food, but screaming full volume just for fun should not be allowed indoors. I used to go to McDonalds for lunch once a week when I was first in Japan, and place was across from a hospital where mothers would take their kids in for checkups. Sometimes there would be groups of mothers/kids and while the mothers would be chatting amoung themselves, they would let these 2 year-olds scream at the top of their lungs. Ever try eating with that going on? ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/77 "2005-07-04T13:50:45Z")
Generally the situation seems to be better in the UK than in the US. IME children are much better behaved in restaurants in the UK, and I don’t know why. It could be that when I’m over there I eat at places that aren’t frequented by parents with children, but then, I eat at McDonald’s a bit too. Typically I have more problems with beggars coming up to my table and harassing me than with screaming children. The whole “every child is an invaluable treasure and should be allowed to do anything it damn well wants to or it’s abuse” mentality of the parents I know in the US has become sickening and borders on an actual mental illness, like an obsessive fad or destructive belief system. We go out of our way to avoid places where children and their passive-agressive co-culprit parents are likely to congregate, which essentially limits us to very expensive places or places where kids will not eat the food. Thankfully most American children, hooked completely on the obesity drug of “hamburgerfrenchfriescoke”, would have to be tasered and rhino-tranq’ed to go into an Indian restaurant, so our times out for curry blissfully quiet and civilized. Except when we eat with Skipmagic and Auntie Em - those two are like animals. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/78 "2005-07-04T15:35:14Z")
> [@Una Persson](#): > > The whole “every child is an invaluable treasure and should be allowed to do anything it damn well wants to or it’s abuse” mentality of the parents I know in the US has become sickening and borders on an actual mental illness, like an obsessive fad or destructive belief system. Actually, it’s now manifested itself as a [bona fide belief system.](http://www.indigochild.com/) Aliens, new-age nutters–something for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/79 "2005-07-04T15:46:46Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > Actually, it’s now manifested itself as a [bona fide belief system.](http://www.indigochild.com/) Aliens, new-age nutters–something for everyone. Holy dogshit. That site’s a parody, like Bonsai Kitten, right? Right? Isn’t there another cult o’ the children that people on here get up in arms about frequently? I think it’s a message board. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2005, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052/80 "2005-07-04T16:11:18Z")
> [@Una Persson](#): > > Holy dogshit. That site’s a parody, like Bonsai Kitten, right? Right? In any case, it’s been enough to inspire [a DVD](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00074DXEY/qid=1120494382/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_ur_1/103-7054674-1459027?v=glance&s=dvd&n=507846). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-screaming-kids-in-a-restaurant-and-asshole-parents-and-spineless-managers/310052.md?page=5)