# I pit semen trees and all involved parties. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 8, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607 "2004-11-08T06:56:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/1 "2004-11-08T06:56:57Z")
I’ll make this relatively short: there are trees on my university campus that smell like semen. Strongly of semen. They smell like giving oral satisfaction to at least fifty men at once, which is about forty-seven and a half more than my personal upper limit. No, I’m not imagining things, and as much as I know you’ll all want to throw out terms like “Freudian sniff” or whatever, I swear I have heard from at _least_ a half-dozen other parties who have verified that the trees smell like boy batter. Each of these testimonies came from independent experience, reflection, and conclusion. There is a firm consensus amongst able-nosed students of varying age, gender and sexual identity that these trees smell of spunk. I pit the trees. I pit Nature or the Creator or Evolution or whatever can take original blame for the existence of such trees. I pit whoever decided to plant a cluster of them right along the path between two of my classes. And, depending on their demeanor, I either pit or pity the soul who is made to tend to these trees and keep them alive and prosperous and smelling of, well, you know. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/2 "2004-11-08T07:06:35Z")
An orchard fecund. Seed arboreal. ---
**Author:** ![Bleaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bleaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bleaker)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/3 "2004-11-08T07:21:58Z")
Oh yes, our good old friend the [sperm tree](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_363.html). Apparently its true identity is a mystery. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/4 "2004-11-08T07:22:13Z")
[The Master Speaks](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_363.html) ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/5 "2004-11-08T07:28:25Z")
And your point is? Do you have a problem with semen in general, or just in quantity? If so, why? Or, do you not have a problem with it (as I would surmise from your odd but still multiple limit) but you just don’t like to smell it out of context? Just what about it is bothering you? ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/6 "2004-11-08T07:42:42Z")
The trees here smell like vagina. ---
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/7 "2004-11-08T07:48:05Z")
Holy sh. Already one esoteric reply, two links to helpful semen tree resources (flogging self for not seeking the word of Cecil first - really now!!), and one post questioning my point. **Starving Artist** , like I said, they smell like at least fifty guy crotches, probably more, at any rate way more crotches than I’m used to. And like you said, context context context. In more appropriate circumstances I have no problem with the smell; however, take all the fun bits away and multiply the scent many times over and it’s just kind of rank, not to mention a hella jarring thing to be exposed to just after Stats. **ava** , I’ve seen trees with vaginas but never with accompanying scent. Is it good vagina or bad vagina? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/8 "2004-11-08T07:50:50Z")
_Zips up and strolls off, whistling innocently_ ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/9 "2004-11-08T08:14:42Z")
> [@stately plump buck mulligan](#): > > Is it good vagina or bad vagina? There’s such a thing as bad vagina? (Bad vagina! No! Sit! Stay!) By the way, you could always take up smoking, lose that pesky sense of smell. > [@Bill Hicks](#): > > People always tell me that if I quit smoking I’ll get my sense of smell back. Ya know what? I live in New York City. I don’t **want** my sense of smell back. ~sniff sniff~ Say, honey, is that urine? It is! Look, it’s a dead guy, covered in pee! Oh man, I never would’ve found this if I hadn’t quit smoking! ---
**Author:** ![TonyF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@TonyF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonyF)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/10 "2004-11-08T08:15:12Z")
We have those on my university campus, too. Luckily they’re removed from the buildings, but it’s still terrible to encounter them. No one believed me about these “cum trees” of mine. And then came Spring, and all in the dorms knew of their devastating power. Add to that the stench of the nearby dairy farms and you had an olfactory experience like none other. Oddly, the day I discovered the cum trees was the same day I noticed cows had discovered oral sex. No joke. It was a bike ride to remember. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/11 "2004-11-08T08:35:02Z")
> [@stately plump buck mulligan](#): > > **ava** , I’ve seen trees with vaginas but never with accompanying scent. Is it good vagina or bad vagina? Well, it’s what my vagina smells like, so I hope its good. The trees haven’t smelled like that for a while or I would cut off some branches and send them to people for smellings. Where do you live? ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/12 "2004-11-08T09:50:36Z")
> [@ava](#): > > The trees here smell like vagina. Pussy Willows ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/13 "2004-11-08T09:58:05Z")
> [@ava](#): > > Well, it’s what my vagina smells like, so I hope its good. The trees haven’t smelled like that for a while or I would cut off some branches and send them to people for smellings. Where do you live? Cite! Until you’ve been sniffed by a cross-section of dopers, that’s not able to be considered proven. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/14 "2004-11-08T10:43:09Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > There’s such a thing as bad vagina? As with all things generally considered good, there exists a vile mockery which assaults the senses. All of them. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/15 "2004-11-08T15:02:52Z")
There are number of botanical candidates that will fill up your nostrils to overflowing with the distinctive odor of hot, fresh sperm. [Here are some](http://stairs.happenchance.com/archives/000218.html) > [@](#): > > Today was an important day. Today, we discovered that there is a sperm tree growing outside our institute. This, you must realise, is a harrowing discovery, even for me, a raging poof, who according to stereotypes, is constantly wanting for sperm. > > So what exactly is a sperm tree? Well, the terrible reality is that most of us just don’t know. A quick search online, once you wade through the inevitable smut and low quality porno, will reveal that a number of trees fall into this category. That is, their fruits, or leaves, or flowers, by all accounts, and there’s no nancying around here with with “almosts” and “just abouts” - these lovely bits of tree smell like Gism. > > Now the position of king sperm tree is hotly contested, some say the Carob, Ceratonia siliqua, some say the tree of heaven, Ailanthus altissima, and indeed, these trees do smell like the end of the Universe, but none is quite so wretch worthy as the Chinese chestnut, Castanea molissima, whose inflorescences, to quote a particular botanical website, “produce a pungent, displeasing odor, like that of human semen.” > > Displeasing? Displeasing? Try eating your lunch downwind of one; displeasing is an understatement. Of course, it’s bloody hilarious too - try dragging a supposedly innocent mind into line of smell and ask them to place the odour; they usually change colour… aha! Not so innocent after all. > > I once discovered a sperm, or more accurately, semen orchid at a botanic garden; I dragged my mother over, asked her to take a sniff. She did so, paused, looked at me and said “Hem, yes…” Precious ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/16 "2004-11-08T15:25:53Z")
[Euell Gibbons] Many parts of the semen tree are edible. [/Euell Gibbons] ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/17 "2004-11-08T16:02:39Z")
We had a giant avocado tree outside of my house in college and it was affectionately called “The Cum Tree” by many people because it smelled exactly like cum when it was in bloom. Sometimes a guy would come over and get a funny look on his face and say “Do you smell that…?” and would always look so relieved when it was confirmed that the tree indeed smelled like some guy’s cum. When working as an arborist years later I found that many trees actually smell like that when in full bloom. ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/18 "2004-11-08T18:15:16Z")
> [@TonyF](#): > > We have those on my university campus, too. Luckily they’re removed from the buildings, but it’s still terrible to encounter them. The ones on my campus are all located near the engineering buildings, so very few people actually identify the smell. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/19 "2004-11-08T18:34:07Z")
OOh, these are all over downtown Lawrence. Someone also had the bright idea to plant rows of these alternating with ones that smell like month old tuna casserole that’s been left in the sun outside my high school cafeteria. ---
**Author:** ![NotMrKnowItAll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/6bbea6/32.png) [@NotMrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotMrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607/20 "2004-11-08T18:46:20Z")
Where can I find some of these trees? I would like to engage in a little tactical arboriculture. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-semen-trees-and-all-involved-parties/273607.md?page=2)