# I pit the derisive, condenscending, anti-conspiriacy ... \[merged threads\] **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 29, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653 "2012-06-29T02:19:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/261 "2012-07-06T23:19:01Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Don’t make me call a bunch of Attorneys General. > [@Czarcasm](#): > > You know a bunch of very high ranking military attorneys? He could just be missing a comma in there. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/262 "2012-07-06T23:50:50Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > _Those were the days, my friend > I thought they’d never end > Sheer lunacy was tolerated then._ > > Is there some place I can order a **Derisive, Condenscending, Anti-Conspiriacy Propagandist** T-shirt?\* > > \*without the misspellings; I don’t want to look _too_ silly. I want one too, anyone else think we have heard the last of **KOZ** for a while? **CAPT** ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/263 "2012-07-07T07:00:06Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The fact that newspapers have published your letters (about other stuff) doesn’t prove your views on conspiracies are sane. Why aren’t my views on conspiracies sane? Why is it sane to believe that politics, at the highest level, is between [countries](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_population)? Why is it _not_ sane to believe that there are higher levels? I believe that the United States has a head of government and all the other countries have the equivalent. I believe that the Illuminati is above Barack Obama and Elizabeth II. I believe that _someone_ is above the Illuminati. I believe that Al Qaeda and Stuxnet is the best evidence for the Illuminati and the New World Order. I believe that world leaders like Vladimir Putin know of the Illuminati. ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/264 "2012-07-07T07:06:31Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > I believe that the Illuminati is above Barack Obama and Elizabeth II. I believe that _someone_ is above the Illuminati. It’s turtles all the way up! ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/265 "2012-07-07T07:09:08Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > Why aren’t my views on conspiracies sane? Why is it sane to believe that politics, at the highest level, is between [countries](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_population)? Why is it _not_ sane to believe that there are higher levels? Because history shows that in the past the same proposition lead many to believe that groups like the Jews were controlling those higher levels… Do I need to remind you what was the result of that? Currently there are groups that do attempt to control many with hare brained conspiracies, one of the big ones is the one that claims that scientists are pushing a hoax with the global warming issue. > [@Kozmik](#): > > I believe that the United States has a head of government and all the other countries have the equivalent. I believe that the Illuminati is above Barack Obama and Elizabeth II. I believe that _someone_ is above the Illuminati. I believe that Al Qaeda and Stuxnet is the best evidence for the Illuminati and the New World Order. I believe that world leaders like Vladimir Putin know of the Illuminati. And no good evidence to support those beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/266 "2012-07-07T07:39:49Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > Because history shows that in the past the same proposition lead many to believe that groups like the Jews were controlling those higher levels… The Illuminati controls the Jews, the Pope of Rome, the Grand Ayatollah of Iran, the King of Saudi Arabia, Wikileaks, Stuxnet, Al Qaeda, Kim Jong-un, and, as mentioned, the Queen and the President. The Illuminati controls every one and every thing. _Someone_ controls the Illuminati. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/267 "2012-07-07T08:10:02Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati controls the Jews, the Pope of Rome, the Grand Ayatollah of Iran, the King of Saudi Arabia, Wikileaks, Stuxnet, Al Qaeda, Kim Jong-un, and, as mentioned, the Queen and the President. The Illuminati controls every one and every thing. _Someone_ controls the Illuminati. Nope, not buying it - there’s no way you actually believe that. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/268 "2012-07-07T08:43:06Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati controls the Jews What, all of us? ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/269 "2012-07-07T09:15:23Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > What, all of us? The Illuminati has more influence over China and India than Barack Obama. More influence over Joseph Kony being captured and killed than [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc) YouTube video. More influence over Syria than WikiLeaks. More influence over Israel than all the Jews, Muslims and Christians combined. More influence over every single person on earth than anyone, except _someone_ who controls the Illuminati. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/270 "2012-07-07T09:23:18Z")
And if we found that one person, all of the world’s problems would be solved, right? Sounds easier than actually, you know, _working_ to make the world a better place. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/271 "2012-07-07T10:38:23Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati controls every one and every thing. Someone controls the Illuminati. Nah, the Illuminati are the perfect example of anarchist social organisation - completely horizontal, no hierarchy, consensus based decision making. We should adopt their model. > [@Marley23](#): > > I know we’re dealing with the terrifying prospect of a conspiracy of global hackers who control our every thought and deed, but that’s no excuse for incorrectly pluralizing French words. Chemtrails wreak havoc in recognising postpositive adjectives. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/272 "2012-07-07T11:50:36Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati has more influence over China and India than Barack Obama. More influence over Joseph Kony being captured and killed than [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc) YouTube video. More influence over Syria than WikiLeaks. More influence over Israel than all the Jews, Muslims and Christians combined. More influence over every single person on earth than anyone, except _someone_ who controls the Illuminati. And what exactly are they doing with all this amazing influence? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/273 "2012-07-07T13:23:55Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati has more influence over China and India than Barack Obama. More influence over Joseph Kony being captured and killed than [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc) YouTube video. More influence over Syria than WikiLeaks. More influence over Israel than all the Jews, Muslims and Christians combined. More influence over every single person on earth than anyone, except _someone_ who controls the Illuminati. The Illuminati doesn’t sleep. It _waits_. The Illuminati counted to infinity. Twice. There is no chin under the Illuminati’s beard — there’s just another _fist_. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/274 "2012-07-07T13:27:22Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati has more influence over China and India than Barack Obama. More influence over Joseph Kony being captured and killed than [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc) YouTube video. More influence over Syria than WikiLeaks. More influence over Israel than all the Jews, Muslims and Christians combined. More influence over every single person on earth than anyone, except _someone_ who controls the Illuminati. They are so powerful that they’ve managed to erase all evidence of their existence while controlling all aspects of the world, and yet you know about them and are allowed to post on a public message board? ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/275 "2012-07-07T13:55:45Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati controls the Jews, the Pope of Rome, the Grand Ayatollah of Iran, the King of Saudi Arabia, Wikileaks, Stuxnet, Al Qaeda, Kim Jong-un, and, as mentioned, the Queen and the President. The Illuminati controls every one and every thing. _Someone_ controls the Illuminati. As pointed out before even dynasties in china do not last forever, no, what history does show many times is the failure of the best plans of mice and men. One of those mega failures can be seen on the emperors and kings that started WWI, it lead to the end of empires and the rise of the Soviet Union. Then many capitalists and the few emperors remaining thought they could do it better only to get even more nations to jump to the communist block. IMHO that slide finally ended when many powerful democracies with powerful capitalists finally learned the lesson that it was wrong to subvert democratic governments that do things that the powerful do not like. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/276 "2012-07-07T14:09:26Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > They are so powerful that they’ve managed to erase all evidence of their existence while controlling all aspects of the world, and yet you know about them and are allowed to post on a public message board? Encouraged to. **Kozmik** is one of their innumerable useful idiots, hand-picked against a specific psych profile and fed just enough information to ensure that he comes across as a barking loon. They used to use street prophets; now they use Internet flakes. Much more efficient. They are masters of disinformation. For all I know, I could be working for them right now. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/277 "2012-07-07T14:36:49Z")
Shocking it is, but by a weird trick our intrepid NWO-fighters\* have managed to absolve the Jews _and_ blame them for the Illuminati [at the same time](http://www.henrymakow.com/were_illuminati_jews_responsib.html)! _“The satanic plague devouring humanity originated with the Sabbatean-Frankist cult, a Satanic Jewish heresy based on the Cabala that absorbed half the Jews in Europe in the 17th/18th Century, including the Rothschilds. By pretending to convert, many Satanists infiltrated and subverted all important religions, organizations and governments. They are the progenitors of the Illuminati, of Zionism, Communism, Fascism and they control Freemasonry. The NWO is their goal.”_ It’s all tied together, you just have to [connect](http://www.whale.to/b/reptilian_hosting.html) the [dots](http://socioecohistory.wordpress.com/2010/04/30/dr-rima-laibow-explains-the-illuminati-depopulation-agenda/), as **Kozmik** has…almost. > [@Kozmik](#): > > The Illuminati controls the Jews, the Pope of Rome, the Grand Ayatollah of Iran, the King of Saudi Arabia, Wikileaks, Stuxnet, Al Qaeda, Kim Jong-un, and, as mentioned, the Queen and the President. The Illuminati controls every one and every thing. _Someone_ controls the Illuminati. Ah, but who controls that Someone? Just when **Kozmik** thinks he’s peeled back all layers of the onion, more layers remain. Keep plugging away, Mister! \*Historians _hate_ them. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/278 "2012-07-07T14:41:35Z")
Dare I ask with what grand power _they_ must wield that makes not just entire populations of people, their leaders, their governments, or the entire global economy obey their, or shall we just be blunt and say, _“his”_ every command? And is the only way to destroy it is to cast it into the fires of Mt. Doom where upon which it was forged? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/279 "2012-07-07T14:45:53Z")
Also, can the Eagles just drop the damn thing in the magma, and be done with it? Breaking Bad’s gonna be back on in about a week, and I’d hate to miss it. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/280 "2012-07-07T15:04:02Z")
AHA! The Illuminati trick is that there are a lot of volcanos in the world and they have obscured which one is the real Mt. Doom. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653.md?page=15)