# I pit the derisive, condenscending, anti-conspiriacy ... \[merged threads\] **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 29, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653 "2012-06-29T02:19:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/501 "2012-07-13T17:15:59Z")
> [@Yumblie](#): > > There is a plate of 12 chocolate chip cookies on the table. In the cookies, there is 1 cup of flour, 2 eggs, 3 cups of sugar, and 1/2 cup of butter. The chocolate chips are 63% chocolate, semi-sweet. > > Now, do you see how I’ve made my point about how many chocolate chip cookies there are and how they were made by time traveling space aliens? Time travelling space aliens? Absurd. Everyone knows that cookies are made by elves. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/502 "2012-07-13T17:17:32Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Even worse - _there’s another onion that They don’t want us to know about._ Little known fact: Everything reported by The Onion is absolutely true. Folks just pretend it’s satire to discredit them. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/503 "2012-07-13T17:46:49Z")
> [@Yumblie](#): > > There is a plate of 12 chocolate chip cookies on the table. In the cookies, there is 1 cup of flour, 2 eggs, 3 cups of sugar, and 1/2 cup of butter. The chocolate chips are 63% chocolate, semi-sweet. > > Now, do you see how I’ve made my point about how many chocolate chip cookies there are and how they were made by time traveling space aliens? Kozmik, I know that the above sounds patronizing and absurd, but I think that Yumblie did a fantastic job of recreating what your logic looks like to us - completely non-sensical and disjointed. You present a bunch of unassailable facts (there are 192 nations, Obama is the president of the United States, etc.), and make a giant leap and state something that has absolutely nothing to do with those facts, and declare your point made. Taking a brief glimpse at your past posting history (which has no similarities to your current posting behavior), I’d have to say that I agree with Marley - please consider talking to a mental health professional. The ideas you’re presenting, as well as the manner in which you are doing it, are consistent with mental illness. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/504 "2012-07-13T18:03:14Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Back at the helm, and got to watch it. Intriguing, and the movie _Knowing_ totally ripped that off; albeit lousily. > > Since an Old Testament prophet saw a Mobius Onion in the sky (deep fried with a side of ranch), and there are UFO sightings all over in the modern age, it’s the most likely and reasonable conclusion to believe in alien visitations. > > Of which Xenu is. > > brb, I have to go get audited by my local CoS branch, wish me luck!.. BTW I have no idea why the opening line to a late 70s TV show is stuck in my head all these years later. And its on Youtube! ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/505 "2012-07-14T01:20:23Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > What reason do you have to believe that with all the fractious people in the world, there simply has to be a tiny group that controls them and a single person who controls that group? Because a tiny group was behind the Sept 11. attacks. > [@tomndebb](#): > > There is no sane person on Earth who believes that any nation was behind the WTC/Pentagon attacks. I do not believe that any nation was behind the Sept 11. attacks. > [@tomndebb](#): > > The only difference is that the rest of us are able to recognize the evidence that it was a relatively small group of nationless (but privately well-funded) terrorists while you want to believe that it was vast, shadowy powers that cannot be identified. I believe that Al Qaeda was behind the Sept. 11 attacks. I believe that the Illuminati is behind Al Qaeda and that _someone_ is behind the Illuminati. > [@Munch](#): > > You present a bunch of unassailable facts (there are 192 nations, Obama is the president of the United States, etc.), and make a giant leap and state something that has absolutely nothing to do with those facts, and declare your point made. I present facts because facts are the only thing that apparently can be agreed upon. > [@Munch](#): > > The ideas you’re presenting, as well as the manner in which you are doing it, are consistent with mental illness. Do you mean like this: > [@Capt\_Kirk](#): > > Well while we are waiting for **Kozmik** to red crayon and red yarn link todays NYT anyone want to play backgammon? > > **CAPT** Or like this: > [@Bosstone](#): > > I can almost believe it, if you consider businesses to be analogous. > > I mean, take a look at [this chart](http://i.imgur.com/k0pv0.jpg) as a quick illustration. Various brands and once-independent companies have all been collected into megacorps: those 10 corporations on that image are responsible for a significant number of popular national brands. The only things stopping those corps from eventually coalescing into one titanic corporation with only a small band of people at the top that presents itself to the public as thousands of smaller subsidiary companies are anti-monopoly and public disclosure laws. > > There are no such laws at the sovereign government level, aside from whatever individual agreements countries choose to abide by. If you think of governments like you think of corporations, it doesn’t seem like a huge leap to think that there’s some CEO or shadowy Board of Directors who can “buy up” governments and bring them all under one massive umbrella without the general public knowing. > > Of course, sovereign governments are nothing like corporations. There’s too many ways such an operation could be exposed, intentionally or accidentally. > > (I have no idea if **Kozmik** actually thinks this way, but it’s one possible viewpoint, even if it starts from false assumptions.) I’m going to describe how I generally go about my day. I sleep, I wake up, I read _The New York Times_, I go to work, I come home from work, I post on The Straight Dope Message Board. Repeat. Sometimes I read _The New York Times_ after work. Sometimes I have a day off from work. Sometimes I don’t sleep. I always read _The New York Times_. I have OCD. The only indication that I have OCD is that I read _The New York Times_, that you will see me at Starbucks or Jimmy John’s for an hour each and every day and you will realize that I read _The New York Times_ every day. The cashier at Starbucks or Jimmy John’s might wonder why I always read _The New York Times_. I don’t tell them. In fact, they worry when they don’t see me for a week. I’ll get _The New York Times_ sometimes from other newsstands and read it wherever. So, in RL, I’m known as the guy who reads _The New York Times_; on the SDMB, I’m known as the guy who reads _The New York Times_ and believes in conspiracy theories. I want to keep it that way. I don’t talk about politics, or conspiracy theories for that matter, at work. I keep it to myself and the SDMB. I don’t want to be vilified for my beliefs or for my OCD. I just want to be understood. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/506 "2012-07-14T06:31:35Z")
Do you trust the NYT? ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/507 "2012-07-14T07:17:49Z")
I should add that your life doesn’t sound too bad, quite comfortable, in fact. You’d hardly think it was controlled by a shadowy, sinister group like the Illuminati. Reminds me of my brother-in-law who tells me that we’re under the thumb of the New World Order or the Bilderberg group or something, while relaxing with his coffee and donut at Tim Horton’s. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/508 "2012-07-14T08:01:07Z")
> [@Capt\_Kirk](#): > > That was a very strange movie, good but strange > > **CAPT** One of my favorites. Completely surreal, meta, amusing, hilarious, absurd, and original in a dark and offbeat way, and somehow still stays unpretentious and approachable for more average audiences. Sort of like this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/509 "2012-07-14T13:52:41Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > I believe that Al Qaeda was behind the Sept. 11 attacks. I believe that the Illuminati is behind Al Qaeda and that _someone_ is behind the Illuminati. Have you considered that that _someone_ is The Grapist? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/510 "2012-07-14T14:23:43Z")
Ironically the illuminati is actually the editorial staff of the New York Times. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/511 "2012-07-14T14:24:06Z")
Like Cracked once said: “Conspiracy theories suck. Conspiracy theorists are suckers.” ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/512 "2012-07-14T15:15:11Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > The problem with the anti-conspiracy brigade is that it has long since been the default position. The problem with the default position is that it is anti-conspiracy propaganda. > [@Loach](#): > > You got me. [I](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15255658&postcount=343) [got](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15255663&postcount=344) **[Marley23](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15255664&postcount=345)**, too. > [@Esox\_Lucius](#): > > Do you trust the NYT? Yes. I trust the NYT and the SDMB, even though the NYT [and the SDMB](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15260060&postcount=1) are controlled by the Illuminati. > [@Jackmannii](#): > > Have you considered that that _someone_ is The Grapist? Yes. > [@Ravenman](#): > > Why does the Illuminati follow one person, and why do world leaders follow the Illuminati? They have no choice. Read the NYT article, [Egypt’s New President Is Being Undercut by State-Run Media](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/14/world/middleeast/president-morsi-of-egypt-is-undercut-by-state-run-media.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper) to understand what I mean: [QUOTE=The New York Times, July 14, 2012] That apparently contradictory result has made it clear who still holds the real power over the Egyptian bureaucracy. On Tuesday, for example, Mr. Morsi summoned back into session the democratically elected Parliament that the generals had dissolved after a hurried court ruling. But the headline in Al Ahram reported only the statement of the ruling generals: “The armed forces belong to the people and will remain on the side of the constitution and legitimacy.” The only front-page article to focus on Mr. Morsi’s decision to recall the Parliament blamed it for causing the Egyptian stock market to tank. … But in the continuing standoff between Mr. Morsi and the generals, almost no one can say for sure who is in charge. “It is like a psychological war in our midst, and no knows what is going on,” said Mohamed Salem, 26, selling cigarettes in the street because he could not find a job. … But the front page of its English-language weekly took an opposite tack to undercut the president by portraying him as the pawn of Washington. [/QUOTE] And Washington is the pawn of the Illuminati. > [@Chimera](#): > > No kidding. You should see some of the media from other countries. Whereas the US Media tends to ignore CTs, they feed them. Not exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/513 "2012-07-14T15:17:48Z")
Ah yes, the old “I’m not a moron, I’m a troll - dance, puppets, dance!” defense. Works every time. See a shrink. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/514 "2012-07-14T15:31:14Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > See a shrink. I have OCD. > [@Kozmik](#): > > So, in RL, I’m known as the guy who reads _The New York Times_; on the SDMB, I’m known as the guy who reads _The New York Times_ and believes in conspiracy theories. I want to keep it that way. I don’t talk about politics, or conspiracy theories for that matter, at work. I keep it to myself and the SDMB. I don’t want to be vilified for my beliefs or for my OCD. I just want to be understood. If I’m going to see a shrink, it will _not_ be because of my belief in conspiracy theories. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/515 "2012-07-14T15:34:52Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > I have OCD. Oh, well, that explains why you believe a lot of stupid shit about global conspiracies- wait, no it doesn’t. See a shrink because of your delusions about conspiracy theories. OCD seems like no big deal by comparison (although I realize it’s very debilitating for some people). ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/516 "2012-07-14T15:38:09Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Oh, well, that explains why you believe a lot of stupid shit about global conspiracies- wait, no it doesn’t. See a shrink because of your delusions about conspiracy theories. OCD seems like no big deal by comparison (although I realize it’s very debilitating for some people). If I’m going to see a shrink, it will _only_ be because of my OCD. Asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/517 "2012-07-14T15:39:52Z")
I don’t know why I’m doing this, but WTH… **Kozmik** Your logic seems to be as follows: 1.)There are countries. 2.)There are organizations that are not countries, like Al-Qaeda. 3.)??? 4.)Therefore, the Illuminati exist. It’s step three that people aren’t getting. Please explain it in detail, as though you were speaking to a moderately intelligent high-school student. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/518 "2012-07-14T15:42:51Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > If I’m going to see a shrink, it will _only_ be because of my OCD. Tell him how the Stuxnet virus convinced you that the Illuminati run the world and one guy runs the Illuminati. He’ll be ever so fascinated. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/519 "2012-07-14T15:50:13Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > > [@tomndebb](#): > > > > What reason do you have to believe that with all the fractious people in the world, there simply has to be a tiny group that controls them and a single person who controls that group? > > Because a tiny group was behind the Sept 11. attacks. > > > [@tomndebb](#): > > > > There is no sane person on Earth who believes that any nation was behind the WTC/Pentagon attacks. > > I do not believe that any nation was behind the Sept 11. attacks. > > > [@tomndebb](#): > > > > The only difference is that the rest of us are able to recognize the evidence that it was a relatively small group of nationless (but privately well-funded) terrorists while you want to believe that it was vast, shadowy powers that cannot be identified. > > I believe that Al Qaeda was behind the Sept. 11 attacks. I believe that the Illuminati is behind Al Qaeda and that _someone_ is behind the Illuminati. So, what was the point of all the bullshit about how many nations there are in the world if you can recognize that a group does not have to be a nation to take an action? Your “logic” seems to be that since a small group pulled off a terrorist attacks, they must be controlled by a sinister force behind them. And, having leaped that chasm of illogic, you then go on to insist that the imaginary sinister force for which you have provided no reason to assume they exist, must also be controlled by a smaller, (probably unitary), sinister force. You have still not explained why you have created this Occam-dulling multiplicity of forces. We know that Osama bin Laden was a zealot Wahhabist who was offended by both the (Western) playboy lifestyles of the Saudi princes and by the presence of “infidel” Americans in Saudi Arabia “defiling” the holy land of Mecca and Medina, (ironically, defending that country from an Iraqi threat). We know that bin Laden, coming from a very wealthy family, had great wealth, himself, and access to more wealth from others whom he persuaded to finance him. We know that he wanted to inflict harm on the U.S. to get them to withdraw from Saudi Arabia. We know who he recruited to plan the operation. We know who he recruited to carry out the operation. At what point do you think bin Laden requires some shadowy force to persuade him to take the actions he did. There is no need for Illumnati backing to explain what happened, so what makes you insist–clearly without any evidence–that there is one? Do you think that the Illuminati made Henry Ford design an automotive empire? Do you think the Illuminati compelled Edison to assmble a team to crank out hundreds of inventions? Do you think that the Illuminati made Bill Gates start up Microsoft, (_well, that one might be likely_)? Do you really think that no humans are capable of doing anything without a conspiracy behind them? (Because, with all the evidence we have regarding bin Laden and the complete lack of evidence for any group behind bin Laden, that seems to be what you are saying, that any remarkable event cannot have occurred just because the right person decided on his or her own to try something.) = = = (And, if you continue to dodge responding to WHY you have these beliefs, I am going to be forced to conclude that one (or both) of the groups challenging you in this thread are correct, that you are mentally ill or a troll, or both. So, for the last time, WHY do you hold these beliefs?) ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653/520 "2012-07-14T15:51:13Z")
It’s not OCD. Or maybe that is a part of it. You are showing a total disconnect with reality. I don’t mean your conclusions about who is running the world. It’s the fact that you keep quoting and citing things that in no way correlate to the point you think you are making and you think they make perfect sense. It’s like information aphasia. I have dealt with a lot of people who need to seek care. You are falling right into those patterns. It’s not because I don’t believe your ideas. But I know that your problems will also not allow you to understand this. I won’t poke you any more and I hope you get help before it gets worse. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-derisive-condenscending-anti-conspiriacy-merged-threads/626653.md?page=27)