# I Pit the Empire **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 5, 2010, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559 "2010-11-05T08:14:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/41 "2010-11-05T15:03:44Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > I wouldn’t cry as much as you weepy fucks do if we’d just found out separatists are building an army of Palin clones and we’ve just given Beck emergency powers that he promises to relinquish when the crises has abated. Greater powers than two turntables and a microphone? ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/42 "2010-11-05T15:16:36Z")
DNFTT Come on people. It’s not that hard, is it? ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/43 "2010-11-05T15:18:14Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > DNFTT > > Come on people. It’s not that hard, is it? Some of us like trolls. They’re fun to poke with sticks. Go to another thread and just leave us to it, ok? ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/44 "2010-11-05T15:31:26Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > You laugh now, but soon you will quake as you witness the power of this fully operational Death Star. You win for best response. Yes no country or society has ever been as EVIL and the United States of America. The Zulus were a peaceful people, who didn’t even have a word for kill in their language until the evil pink skinned invaders showed up. The Ottomans never kept slaves. And sure the Mongols killed millions, but out of the original 13 colonies, only Rhode Island matched the religious tolerance found in the Mongol Empire. Hmm according to the Straight Dope spell checker, Rhode isn’t a word. I knew Rhode Island never really existed! Yet another conspiracy of the evil empire! ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/45 "2010-11-05T15:38:00Z")
> [@Commissar](#): > > Yes, it is. Indeed, I am posting this from my mother’s basement. Because I am a friendless virgin with nothing better to do. What, you’re not fat too? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/46 "2010-11-05T15:44:17Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > That’s no satellite - that’s just the moon. Yes, it **does** look just like the old Moon, doesn’t it? Heh-heh-heh . . . ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/47 "2010-11-05T15:48:04Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Yes, it **does** look just like the old Moon, doesn’t it? Heh-heh-heh . . . Dahak is not amused. ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/48 "2010-11-05T15:50:34Z")
[QUOTE=SecretaryofEvil] Hmm according to the Straight Dope spell checker, Rhode isn’t a word. I knew Rhode Island never really existed! Yet another conspiracy of the evil empire! [/QUOTE] Rhode Island is not a place, it is a measure of land area, as in “as big as [a] Rhode Island” and typically used when discussing natural disasters (“leveled an area the size of Rhode Island”). ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/49 "2010-11-05T16:00:42Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Yes, it **does** look just like the old Moon, doesn’t it? Heh-heh-heh . . . Except for that tell-tale C-H-A engraving. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/50 "2010-11-05T16:03:41Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Damn the man. Save the Empire. Leave the gun. Take the cannolis. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/51 "2010-11-05T16:08:44Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > Except for that tell-tale C-H-A engraving. You went deep into the vault for that one. Excellent reference. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/52 "2010-11-05T16:26:46Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > You went deep into the vault for that one. Excellent reference. This post was 20% “I like your post” and 80% “look at me, I get the joke!” Not sayin’ there’s anything wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/53 "2010-11-05T16:47:06Z")
I was really hoping the OP would have worked AmeriKKKa in there somewhere. I am disappointed. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Commissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c68b51/32.png) [@Commissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commissar)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/54 "2010-11-05T17:12:29Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Okay, but other than sanitation, roads, the Marshall Plan, the Internet, and pizza delivery within 30 minutes, what have the Americans ever done for us? > > Help, help, I’m being oppressed! Sanitation? Roads? I’m afraid the rest of humanity preempted you by several thousand years in those categories. The Marshall Plan? Alright, you rebuilt Western Europe for a profit. We rebuilt Eastern Europe for free, out of the goodness of our hearts. How does this make you the superior, rather than the inferior, people? Pizza delivery? Thanks for the global obesity epidemic, assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/55 "2010-11-05T17:16:06Z")
> [@Commissar](#): > > The Marshall Plan? Alright, you rebuilt Western Europe for a profit. We rebuilt Eastern Europe for free, out of the goodness of our hearts. How does this make you the superior, rather than the inferior, people? You seem insecure. Why so insecure? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/56 "2010-11-05T17:29:45Z")
> [@Commissar](#): > > The Marshall Plan? Alright, you rebuilt Western Europe for a profit. We rebuilt Eastern Europe for free, out of the goodness of our hearts. How does this make you the superior, rather than the inferior, people? And those Soviet war memorials in Berlin and Vienna are nicknamed the “tomb of the unknown rapist” for absolutely no reason, huh? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/57 "2010-11-05T17:31:17Z")
> [@Commissar](#): > > Sanitation? Roads? I’m afraid the rest of humanity preempted you by several thousand years in those categories. > > The Marshall Plan? Alright, you rebuilt Western Europe for a profit. We rebuilt Eastern Europe for free, out of the goodness of our hearts. How does this make you the superior, rather than the inferior, people? > > Pizza delivery? Thanks for the global obesity epidemic, assholes. 1. You missed the joke, which is ironic, since you are one. 2. The USSR “rebuilt” Eastern Europe to save its own ass. Goodness and heart had nothing to do with it. Plus, I saw East Germany before reunification. You did a pretty shitty job of rebuilding. 3. Dominos doesn’t deliver to Outer Fucktardstan, so you don’t have to worry about getting fatter on our account. ---
**Author:** ![Commissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c68b51/32.png) [@Commissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commissar)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/58 "2010-11-05T17:32:55Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > That you’d boil down our accomplishments two the worst things we did generations ago shows nothing but either a profound ignorance or deliberate trolling… probably both. You’re absolutely right; in order to be fair, I guess we must really look at the totality of the Empire’s accomplishments. So, let’s start adding to my list: Imperial Accomplishments: (1) One of the most effective genocides in the history of humanity, directed against its own aboriginal population. (2) Bloody wars of aggression against its neighbors. (3) The last bastion of Christian fundamentalism in the world. (4) Witch hunts - 300 years after the rest of the world had grown the fuck up. (5) Illegal and completely unjustified INVASION and ANNEXATION of Hawaii, which apparently committed the criminal offense of wanting to be free and independent. Go, you wonderful freedom lovers, you. (6) “Opening” up of Japan at gunpoint, because it apparently committed the criminal offense of not wanting your worthless shit. So now you need to bully people into trading with you? Very nice; go capitalism. (7) One of the last nations in the world to end slavery. Apparently, an issue that had been decided in the rest of the world hundreds of years earlier was so difficult for your feeble brains that you had to go to war and kill each other over it. (8) And then you still kept the blacks in quasi-slavery until the 1950s. (9) Sat back on your fat lazy asses and watched both WWI and WWII unfold, entering them only when you figured you wanted a piece of the bounty. (10) Illegal imperial wars against Cuba, Panama, Vietnam, Korea, China, Afghanistan, Iraq, and pretty much everyone else in the world. (11) I notice that you still don’t have universal health coverage, which I find to be a good indication of your civilization, or lack thereof. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/59 "2010-11-05T17:34:59Z")
Yeah, America is awesome when you put it like that. Thanks. I feel all warm and fuzzy. ---
**Author:** ![Bambro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df705f/32.png) [@Bambro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambro)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559/60 "2010-11-05T17:37:02Z")
> [@Commissar](#): > > Imperial Accomplishments: > > (1) One of the most effective genocides in the history of humanity, directed against its own aboriginal population. > (2) Bloody wars of aggression against its neighbors. > (3) The last bastion of Christian fundamentalism in the world. > (4) Witch hunts - 300 years after the rest of the world had grown the fuck up. > (5) Illegal and completely unjustified INVASION and ANNEXATION of Hawaii, which apparently committed the criminal offense of wanting to be free and independent. Go, you wonderful freedom lovers, you. > (6) “Opening” up of Japan at gunpoint, because it apparently committed the criminal offense of not wanting your worthless shit. So now you need to bully people into trading with you? Very nice; go capitalism. > (7) One of the last nations in the world to end slavery. Apparently, an issue that had been decided in the rest of the world hundreds of years earlier was so difficult for your feeble brains that you had to go to war and kill each other over it. > (8) And then you still kept the blacks in quasi-slavery until the 1950s. > (9) Sat back on your fat lazy asses and watched both WWI and WWII unfold, entering them only when you figured you wanted a piece of the bounty. > (10) Illegal imperial wars against Cuba, Panama, Vietnam, Korea, China, Afghanistan, Iraq, and pretty much everyone else in the world. > (11) I notice that you still don’t have universal health coverage, which I find to be a good indication of your civilization, or lack thereof. You say this like it is a bad thing. 😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-empire/559559.md?page=4)