# I pit “The Gifts of Hope” **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 7, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332 "2012-12-07T19:21:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/1 "2012-12-07T19:21:35Z")
[http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/opinion/19kristof.html?\_r=2&sq=kristof%20somaly&st=cse&adxnnl=1&scp=1&adxnnlx=1354906968-kwnQg5nVE0+VEgKHQXuFzQ](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/opinion/19kristof.html?_r=2&sq=kristof%20somaly&st=cse&adxnnl=1&scp=1&adxnnlx=1354906968-kwnQg5nVE0+VEgKHQXuFzQ) NYT writer Nicholas Kristof is again pushing his shitty and selfish Scrooge-like idea. That of, instead of giving a real gift, one instead “buy your kids a $30 beehive (or an $850 camel) for a needy family through Heifer International”. Now look, making donations is a great thing. And by and large those are wonderful orgs, who help those truly needy in useful ways. But- making a donation that makes YOU feel good is not a “gift” to your kids- or anyone else. “I made a donation in your name” just means to me that you’re cheap, thoughtless, and want to force me to go along with your idea of what is a needed social program. It’s cheap as the donor gets the tax deduction _and_ gets the warm feeling from writing the check. What do I get? How is this in any way a gift to your kids or me or anyone else…other than yourself and your chosen charity? Charitable Contributions are truly a wonderful thing, it’s part of what makes us a Civilized Society. But the fact that you donate $100 to Heifer Intl as _you_ think it’s a great charity and you get the warms feeling from making the donation- _does NOT make it a gift to others._ So sure, yeah- break out that checkbook come the season (or better yet- all year around. ) Find a couple of great causes, and support them. Tell your friends, too, yes! But it’s not a “gift”. It does not sub for a thoughtful personalized , wrapped item of gelt/pelf/loot. Don’t get me wrong- if a couple decides “Well honey, how about this year, instead of buying each other expensive gifts, we give a nice donation to ….?”, then that’s fine. But that’s not a “gift”- it’s what you choose to do instead of a gift. Hell, a few years ago, the Monterey Bay Aquarium was going to open a Sea Horse exhibit. My SO loves Leafy Seadragons, I love the MBA, so yes, we decided to get a special “plaque on the wall” membership instead of buying each other gifts. And we were both happy. But it wasn’t a “gift”, it was a joint decision to give instead of gifting each other. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/2 "2012-12-07T19:29:31Z")
A Donation has been made in your name to [The Human Fund](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Strike_(Seinfeld)#The_Human_Fund): Money for People. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/3 "2012-12-07T19:35:41Z")
Hmmm… I think it’s a nice idea. Most kids have enough ‘stuff’ and to give a donation in their name reminds them that for the same amount it would cost for them to get yet another Lego set, we could donate a sheep to a family in Haiti that could permanently improve their lives. I think this kind of gift is more long lasting and impactful (yes, even to the kid) than something from Target. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/4 "2012-12-07T19:53:37Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > Hmmm… I think it’s a nice idea. Most kids have enough ‘stuff’ and to give a donation in their name reminds them that for the same amount it would cost for them to get yet another Lego set, we could donate a sheep to a family in Haiti that could permanently improve their lives. I think this kind of gift is more long lasting and impactful (yes, even to the kid) than something from Target. Then tell the kids **WHY** you are **NOT** giving them a gift! Your logic is impeccable **except** for the part where you tell the person it is a gift to them. There’s nothing wrong with teaching kids about why charities exist and why it is a nice idea to give to charities. I do give to charities, but I would never tell someone (child or adult) that my gift from me to them is the fact that I send my favourite charity $x. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/5 "2012-12-07T19:57:42Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > Then tell the kids **WHY** you are **NOT** giving them a gift! Your logic is impeccable **except** for the part where you tell the person it is a gift to them. There’s nothing wrong with teaching kids about why charities exist and why it is a nice idea to give to charities. I do give to charities, but I would never tell someone (child or adult) that my gift from me to them is the fact that I send my favourite charity $x. Right. The point is, the sheep to a family in Haiti is a wonderful gift \*to the family in Haiti \*, and a great feeling for you. The kids get neither the sheep nor the feeling of having made a donation (as, of course they haven’t). This is basically a way of saying “_Hey family & friends, I am too cheap to both buy gifts and make donations, so this year I am making donations only. Sucks to be you!”_ ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/6 "2012-12-07T21:10:23Z")
… but it’s not basically a way of teaching your kids to look out for others? ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/7 "2012-12-07T21:24:50Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … but it’s not basically a way of teaching your kids to look out for others? Well, most kids will just think Mommy and Daddy stiffed them on gifts. A better way to teach that lesson is to research various charities with your kids and discuss setting aside part of their allowance to donate to kids who don’t get food to eat, whether or not an allowance. Kids need to have a tangible link to the act of charity. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/8 "2012-12-07T21:38:58Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … but it’s not basically a way of teaching your kids to look out for others? No. The proper way to do this is to tell the kid “This year we are going to donate $X to a charity _of YOUR choice_.” I had somone do the OP’s exact thing to me once. My feelings were the same as the OP’s. I have nothing against Heifer Intl either, but I have my own charities that I champion for, campaign for, and get all warm and fuzzy for. I would prefer to send $$ to them. IMHO part of gift buying is the thought involved, which is one thing I have against gift cards. I hate getting gift cards to stores like Walmart. You’re saying “I have no clue what you want, so buy something at Walmart.” You could have at least gotten a gift card from a store I have fun going to. Making a donation to a charity YOU like shows that you spent exactly 0 seconds of thought in getting me a gift. 0. (And, like the OP said, the fact that it made you feel warm and fuzzy and that you get the tax deduction makes it more a gift for you than a gift for me). I can back this one. Does that make me evil? ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/9 "2012-12-07T22:34:03Z")
Only do it for adult wage earners; send it in their name; let them collect the tax deduction. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/10 "2012-12-07T22:35:21Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … but it’s not basically a way of teaching your kids to look out for others? Sure. So, instead of stiffing the kids for gifts, let us have the entire family gather around every year and decide what “gift’ the family is going to send to some poor family elsewhere. Make it an annual tradition. But it’s the _families_ gift to a needy stranger, not Daddy’s gift to little Johnny who wants a Red Ryder BB gun. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/11 "2012-12-07T22:38:05Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > Only do it for adult wage earners; send it in their name; let them collect the tax deduction. Umm, Tom? The gift \*giver \*gets the tax write off, not the gift _receiver._ ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/12 "2012-12-07T22:39:42Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … but it’s not basically a way of teaching your kids to look out for others? That’s not the point: It’s not a gift to your kids. I agree with the OP. Donating to a charity is a good thing to do. Giving people gifts is a good thing to do. But they’re not the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/13 "2012-12-07T22:43:13Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > A Donation has been made in your name to [The Human Fund](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Strike_(Seinfeld)#The_Human_Fund): Money for People. It’s another festivus miracle! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/14 "2012-12-07T22:53:34Z")
If you have a soft-hearted kid who desperately wants to send every penny of his/her allowance to the poor kids they see in the commercials, by all means help the kid pick out a gift together, with the understanding that this will be instead of their gift (or instead of a big gift). But don’t spring this act of charity on them. As others have said, the message your kid will get is “these strange kids deserve presents, and you don’t. I would rather send a sheep to a total stranger than buy you anything, because you’re spoiled.” ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/15 "2012-12-07T23:03:09Z")
I just can’t get all pitty and vitriolic about donations to charity. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2012, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/16 "2012-12-07T23:25:28Z")
They are really a so-so charity at best, according to some of the websites that rate charities. And there are problems with their programs: > **[Why Heifer International is Rolling in Dung](https://www.counterpunch.org/2008/07/12/why-heifer-international-is-rolling-in-dung/)** > > What Happens to Bill Gates' Dairy Cows? And don’t think that YOUR $30 goes to buy a beehive. You are giving $30 to an organization that buys beehives, among other things and a beehive costs about $30. It’s just as likely that YOUR $30 is used to help pay the receptionist. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/17 "2012-12-08T00:17:30Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > IMHO part of gift buying is the thought involved, which is one thing I have against gift cards. I hate getting gift cards to stores like Walmart. You’re saying “I have no clue what you want, so buy something at Walmart.” You could have at least gotten a gift card from a store I have fun going to. I agree with this as well. If you can’t think of anything at all to give me, not even a general idea of what I might buy (I don’t mind gift cards/certificates for specialized stores that interest me), then give me $ and I’ll find something I want at the most appropriate and/or convenient place to get what I want. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/18 "2012-12-08T01:28:00Z")
I heartily endorse this rant. My own version: I teach at a public high school. Every year, the PTSA solicits donations to the scholarship fund “in the name” of the teachers. I get a little card listing all the families that donated money in my name. What irritates me about this is that these are generally the same kids that will be pulling money back out of the scholarship fund in time. So I am supposed to feel grateful that they donated money to an organization to help pay for their kids to go to college? God as my witness, I’d be less miffed if the money went to improve _my actual school_. I am glad that people donate, and obviously it’s better to have scholarships than not, but I sure would prefer a $5 starbucks card with a “Thanks for all you do” note. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/19 "2012-12-08T02:46:22Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > I agree with this as well. If you can’t think of anything at all to give me, not even a general idea of what I might buy (I don’t mind gift cards/certificates for specialized stores that interest me), then give me $ and I’ll find something I want at the most appropriate and/or convenient place to get what I want. Right. Walmart means you don’t really care. Amazon means you know I love to read and buy a lot of stuff there. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332/20 "2012-12-08T15:38:02Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Umm, Tom? The gift \*giver \*gets the tax write off, not the gift _receiver._ If you purchase a money order and put their name and address on the envelope and donation form, they will get the write off becaquse all the evidence indicates that they are the giver. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-gifts-of-hope/643332.md?page=2)