# I pit the local news. Any local News **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 3, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934 "2004-12-03T19:00:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/1 "2004-12-03T19:00:30Z")
I didn’t want to hijack **Otto** ’s [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289862), but I could feel the rant coming on. I am sick of the local news and the constant barrage of sensationalist shit they put on instead of actual stories. I don’t give a flying fuck if some kid at redneck middle school got suspended for making a list of students he didn’t like. I don’t care who Jennifer Lopez (I don’t call her “J-lo” and neither should you, you’re the news, for fuck’s sake, not Access Hollywood.) is boffing right now. What is the county commission doing with our money? Dekalb county is in the trouble it’s in because you weren’t doing your jobs. What is the state legislator up to? What total bull crap law is being passed right now? You realize the only reason I watch you is so I can see the weather, and get a traffic report. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/2 "2004-12-03T20:13:52Z")
Or how about when the Democratic convention was on, and it was the one night that the networks didn’t broadcast it, so the only excerpts I got to see were on a Fox affiliate which interspersed them with inane shit about what Ben Affleck thought about the election, and then showed the reporter trying to chase down Ben Affleck’s mother to interview her about what Ben thought about the election? Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of these douchebags who thinks that entertainers shouldn’t make political statements; on the contrary, I think that someone with a large audience has every right to make thought-provoking (or insipid, as the case may be) pronouncements on the major issues of the day. But I also wish the newscasters would figure out that, as a general rule, nobody gives a fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/3 "2004-12-03T20:58:42Z")
Your drinking water may be contaminated! Details at 11. ---
**Author:** ![Wartime\_Consigliori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@Wartime\_Consigliori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wartime_Consigliori)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/4 "2004-12-03T21:10:15Z")
Some area youngsters are using DRUGS. Could YOUR CHILD be one? Our Nigel Robertson has more… Frickin’ hack jackasses ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/5 "2004-12-03T21:12:37Z")
Tell me about it… This past week one of the local stations was advertising it’s lead story earlier in the night. Some guy in an office building noticed that overnight someone had been using his office computer. He set up a hidden camera to find out which cleaning person had done it. He caught the cleaning guy using his computer to look up porn then jerking off. This was the LEAD STORY??? This was news??? They even hyped it with the tag line “Not only did he catch who was using his computer, but what happens next is so disturbing that we can’t even show you” But we’ll tell you at 10. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/6 "2004-12-03T21:34:16Z")
There was graffiti on a fence in a nice neighborhood… Could it be **gangs**!? ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/7 "2004-12-03T21:50:30Z")
And if I see one more “Spongebob Squarepants” stolen story, that idiot box is gonna be on the receiving end of my boot! ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/8 "2004-12-03T21:57:18Z")
I don’t watch televised news any more. I just go online for news. The Weather Channel gives me all the weather info I need and traffic reports never matter after about 15 minutes. I remember a big expose on Bennigans style restaurants. Apparently, if you order a double cheeseburger, onion rings and have an ice cream cake for dessert, you’ll get a lot of fat! Amazing. I’m glad they pointed that out to me. Oh and by the way, you could order a salad or fish for a lower fat meal. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/9 "2004-12-03T22:21:29Z")
I’m with you. A local news station recently ran a really disgusting series of promos about “Teen Sex: You won’t BELIEVE what they’re doing!” The tone of the reporter was this is all so terrible, horrible, blah-blah-blah, meanwhile the camera was doing porn fanservice showing closeups of teenaged girls wearing … gasp! CUTOFF SHORTS!!!" Between the oily, hypocritical voiceover and the softcore porn approach to the photography and the totally bogus “news value” of the story, it was a REALLY sleazy piece of garbage promo. Prolly did the station’s ratings all kinds of good. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/10 "2004-12-04T00:15:58Z")
“Last night on Survivor/American Idol/The Apprentice/The Swan/yadda yadda yadda…” ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/11 "2004-12-04T00:19:27Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > There was graffiti on a fence in a nice neighborhood… Could it be **gangs**!? About 6 years ago there was a huge media frenzy over gang growth in Grand Forks and Fargo because some grafitti showed up on a few overpasses and pedestrian tunnels. After running with the “story” for about 3 months, I haven’t heard another word about it. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![initech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/439d5e/32.png) [@initech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/initech)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/12 "2004-12-04T00:45:14Z")
I work for a local news station, and the best advice I can give is DON’T WATCH. Seriously. It’s bad for you. The decision-making process is driven entirely by ratings and money, nothing else. The station I work for is actually pretty respected and conservative, and it’s still thoroughly cynical and profit-obsessed. Most stations are owned by enormous media corporations and the managers are beholden to little more than the bottom line. Worse, viewer input and feedback will only get you so far. Unhappy viewers are disregarded as crackpots. Declining ratings are blamed on cable television, and the product is only made sleazier in response. It’s basically a dying industry that’s going out ugly. Online is probably the best option, particularly if the local paper has a good site. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/13 "2004-12-04T00:47:36Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#): > > . > You realize the only reason I watch you is so I can see the weather, and get a traffic report. “Will a massive arctic front seal the entire Plainview area in a foot-thick cube of ice, or will a hail of toxic African toads snarl freeway traffic just in time for the evening rush hour? And it’s going to rain all weekend! Every weekend! Don’t miss Bob Biggersnot’s Skywarn Megabyte weather, coming up next!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/14 "2004-12-04T01:50:42Z")
“Prostitutes are working in our local parks. See our undercover hidden camera investigation **SEX, SLIDES and VIDEOTAPE** tonight at 11” Yep, this was a real promo for a local station here. ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/15 "2004-12-04T02:31:14Z")
Can I interest you in a newspaper subscription? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/16 "2004-12-04T02:45:28Z")
I for one welcome our new nymphet overlords. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/17 "2004-12-04T02:56:43Z")
The only excuse for local TV news is a perky, cute weather girl. I’ve got a warm front that could cause some localized bedroom storms with your wet front, Sweet Pickle. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/18 "2004-12-04T03:00:12Z")
Here’s what my local FOX affiliate had on as a lead story a couple weeks ago: **WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE: STRAIGHT TEETH OR THE ABILITY TO SEE?!** That’s the exact headline, I swear. You can even Google it to get the entire Fox 5 Investigation and read about “Jordan Hart: Headgear Victim”. Yep, apparently some kids remove their headgear incorrectly and manage to poke themselves in the eye. After I finished laughing my ass off, I lamented over the fact that our society is doomed. ---
**Author:** ![Jplacer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85f322/32.png) [@Jplacer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jplacer)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/19 "2004-12-04T03:25:01Z")
> [@Greywolf73](#): > > “Prostitutes are working in our local parks. See our undercover hidden camera investigation **SEX, SLIDES and VIDEOTAPE** tonight at 11” > > Yep, this was a real promo for a local station here. I remember saw that promo. I belive that is the same station that did an report on mold in classrooms with the tagline … **A FUNGUS AMONG US** ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934/20 "2004-12-04T04:25:16Z")
**GM Cars Recalled!!! Details at 10:00** _on air at 10-ish or so:_ “I remember this Oldsmobile my Dad had…” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-local-news-any-local-news/277934.md?page=2)