# I pit the violently hypocritical among my friends **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 28, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612 "2005-07-28T17:47:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/1 "2005-07-28T17:47:14Z")
A (maybe former) friend of mine has a bit of a rage problem, see. And I managed to tick her off somewhat accidentally when she was having another problem, so she’s bitching at me. This is fine, I can handle the occasional fly-off-the-handle rages from people. HOWEVER. The hypocricy is new. A brief sampling of examples follows–anything not in quotes is a paraphrase, generally of a pages-long diatribe on the mud we jointly administer. anything in quotes is a 100% quote: A bit over a year ago: I volunteer to host her mud on my server, since her previous one died and she admits to insufficient technical know-how. A few months ago: I happily give her asked-for computer advice and fix her scanner. This weekend: she says YOU ALWAYS ARE SO CONDESCENDING WITH YOUR UNSOLICITED TECH ADVICE I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP WITH ANYTHING EVER. Two weeks ago: I marry a very fine woman who happens to be a rabid feminist (and who is otherwise unrelated to the story) This Saturday: I make disparaging comments about a (male) friend of mine’s ability in an MMO, while saying snide things about my own ability that psycho-friend interprets as slurs on hers. This weekend: she says YOU’RE A SEXIST BASTARD TOO YOU DON’T THINK GIRLS CAN DO ANYTHING AND YOU’RE RUDE TO THEM This Sunday afternoon: I say “If you’ve got a problem, speak up so we can deal with it.” This monday: she says " you’re a **whiny pussy** , i’ll speak to you when i’m damn well ready to and walking around **weeping vaginal fluid** all over isn’t going to coax me into doing it any sooner." That last one just boggles my fucking brain. How can you simultaneously call someone sexist and a whiny pussy, in those words. And to get it out of the way, yes, “weeping vaginal fluid” would be a great band name. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/2 "2005-07-28T17:52:41Z")
> [@Zerial](#): > > A (maybe former) friend of mine has a bit of a rage problem, see. I’d go for that “former” option. She sounds like an ill-tempered bitchbeast. I dunno. Maybe she has a really bad toothache or something. But if not, I don’t see why you’d give her another chance. ---
**Author:** ![fubbleskag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fubbleskag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fubbleskag)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/3 "2005-07-28T17:54:31Z")
you want to sleep with her, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/4 "2005-07-28T18:06:28Z")
> [@fubbleskag](#): > > you want to sleep with her, don’t you? Uck, who’d want to sleep with someone like that? The last thing you need is to be half way through doin’ the deed and have her start hollering about some new imaginary insult. Plus, I bet she doesn’t give head. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/5 "2005-07-28T18:07:29Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I’d go for that “former” option. She sounds like an ill-tempered bitchbeast. > > I dunno. Maybe she has a really bad toothache or something. But if not, I don’t see why you’d give her another chance. > [@fubbleskag](#): > > you want to sleep with her, don’t you? The same answer really applies to the both of these. She was a good friend of mine for years, and she’s undergone a lot of emotional trauma in her life from various sources. I tend to be on the recieving end of many of her temper tantrums because I’m one of the few stable figures in her life that she doesn’t actively want to escape 100% of the time. Grant that as the years go on, I get more and more frustrated–at the point I think she’s unlikely to actually heal her wounds, I’ll abandon her. At this point, I’m just going to let it blow over. Oh, and **fubbleskag** , er, no. Did you miss the part where I got married recently? On the 14th, actually. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/6 "2005-07-28T18:09:49Z")
Why are you putting up with it? Ditch her! ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/7 "2005-07-28T18:32:09Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > I tend to be on the recieving end of many of her temper tantrums because I’m one of the few stable figures in her life that she doesn’t actively want to escape 100% of the time. > > Grant that as the years go on, I get more and more frustrated–at the point I think she’s unlikely to actually heal her wounds, I’ll abandon her. At this point, I’m just going to let it blow over So your plan, as I understand it, is to silently suck it up when a close friend takes out all her shit on you, and then - when she doesn’t learn her lesson (?!) - abandon her. You don’t like confrontation, do you? She’s taking everything out on you because you don’t fight back - not because you’re “stable.” Tell her that she either shuts the fuck up or stays away from you. If she can’t then you know it’s time to drop her. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/8 "2005-07-28T19:59:31Z")
You can be married and still _want_ to sleep with her. 😃 She explodes on you because you take it from her. Stop taking it, and she’ll find someone new to explode on, but you’ll lose her as a ‘friend’. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/9 "2005-07-28T20:10:00Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Maybe she has a really bad toothache or something. I first read that as, “she sounds like a really bad toothache.” Which works just as well. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/10 "2005-07-28T20:10:56Z")
Are you getting anything out of this friendship? You can’t fix people, and if she isn’t interested on working on her stuff, I wouldn’t stick around. You calling her on her unacceptable behaviour might be a good wake-up call for her. We’ve all had shit in our lives; we don’t all walk around smearing it on other people. And I believe **fubbleskag** was joking. Made me smile, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/11 "2005-07-28T20:16:58Z")
How is any of this hypocritical, as opposed to simply bitchy? ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/12 "2005-07-28T20:35:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Two weeks ago: I marry a very fine woman who happens to be a rabid feminist (and who is otherwise unrelated to the story) Are you sure this is unrelated? Did the odd rages begin before or after the announced engagement. If not immediately after the engagement, how close to the wedding? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/13 "2005-07-28T23:41:25Z")
An excellent point, **tom**. Some misplaced jealousy? Some plain, old-fashioned jealousy? Maybe she wants to sleep with _you_,\*\* Zeriel\*\*. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/14 "2005-07-29T00:00:00Z")
You know, you don’t have to be friends with someone just because you feel sorry for them for going through a tough time. Yes, you shouldn’t pile on to someone who is already having problems, but there’s only so much a human being should be expected to take. If you’re not getting anything but frustration out of the relationship, you’re more than justified in ending the friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-violently-hypocritical-among-my-friends/314612/15 "2005-07-29T03:57:17Z")
The following respones are the correct things you should say right now (as near as I can accurately divine with such short reference time)… > [@Zeriel](#): > > “you’re a **whiny pussy** ” "Pffft… you don’t like me? Tell someone who cares. > [@Zeriel](#): > > “i’ll speak to you when i’m damn well ready to” “Whatever… don’t be surprised if I’m not listenting…” > [@Zeriel](#): > > “and walking around **weeping vaginal fluid** all over isn’t going to coax me into doing it any sooner.” “Blah Blah Blah… deal with it.”