# I pit the work friend... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2012, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496 "2012-01-05T12:53:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/1 "2012-01-05T12:53:54Z")
that I thought was a real friend. I don’t work for the company anymore. I’ve tried calling her. She doesn’t pick up. I’ve watched her kid. Went to lunch with the fam. Worked with her Mom. Helped her get her brother’s car out of a ditch. It’s not random. I’ve tried to visit her (and other friends) where I used to work. Everyone but her is very friendly. She’s never ‘there’. Maybe this is more ‘hurtworthy’ than pitworthy…so let me add this. Fuck her. You all have to have friends like this. Or ‘friends’. Discuss. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/2 "2012-01-05T13:33:27Z")
“Discuss” pisses people off. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/3 "2012-01-05T13:36:52Z")
I’m sorry. Erase erase. It’s my first pitting. No one discuss anything. Just talk shit. Is that more correct? ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/4 "2012-01-05T13:38:19Z")
No problems- I just know from past readings it is seen as a direction. Good luck with your pitting 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/5 "2012-01-05T14:05:57Z")
I feel your pain. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/6 "2012-01-05T14:06:17Z")
She’s just not into you. You should really be wondering what makes you so annoying to be around. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/7 "2012-01-05T14:21:32Z")
When people show you what they are, it’s your job to see. Let her go. She may come to realize what’s she’s lost, she may not. Who said the OP was annoying? We’ve all had flaky friends. But Pit threads generally turn on you, OP. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/8 "2012-01-05T14:34:48Z")
Work friends are exactly that - work friends. They’re people you _have_ to see every day that you happen to kind of get along with, and may even occasionally see outside of work, but some people, most people in fact IME, prefer to maintain the distinction. I’m sorry you got your feelings hurt, but perhaps you saw something there that wasn’t? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/9 "2012-01-05T14:38:17Z")
Under what circumstances did you leave your job? This might have something to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/10 "2012-01-05T14:39:29Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Work friends are exactly that - work friends. They’re people you _have_ to see every day that you happen to kind of get along with, and may even occasionally see outside of work, but some people, most people in fact IME, prefer to maintain the distinction. I’m like this. I can be very friendly with my work friends but if they or I leave the company, it reverts back to a very civil, polite, but above all distant relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/11 "2012-01-05T14:51:15Z")
Work friendships are odd animals indeed. **BrassyPhrase** , I think I may be more like your friend than I care to admit. I get along great with the people I work with, but once I don’t work with them anymore they tend to be out of my life. It takes time and energy to keep a relationship going without the automatic tie of a common workplace. Many, if not most, people aren’t inclined to expend that time and energy. There are exceptions, of course. Today, I count among my friends exactly two people I used to work with. Perhaps not coincidentally I consider them two of my very closest friends. Maybe you thought you had that with this person, and maybe she just saw another in a series of “work” friendships that come and go. Different expectations and all that. Just let it go. Oh wait, this is the Pit. Fuck her with a rusty tire iron. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/12 "2012-01-05T18:39:22Z")
It looks like you are on two different pages - like others have said, she is friends with people when she works with them, then isn’t any longer when she doesn’t. There isn’t any romantic attraction on your side, is there? ---
**Author:** ![Commander\_Fortune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Commander\_Fortune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commander_Fortune)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/13 "2012-01-05T23:02:59Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Under what circumstances did you leave your job? This might have something to do with it. Indeed. Like the girl I used to go to lunch with pretty much every day, and catch a movie with occassionally on weekends. I was her boss, but it’s a small causual office. We were such good friends that she decided to give me less than one day’s notice when a “better” opportunity came around. I mean, we’re friends right? Apparently, I was just supposed to understand… She didn’t seem to have any concept why I wasn’t really interested in remaining to be casual friends after that. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/14 "2012-01-06T01:23:51Z")
Thank you all for the responses. I really do appreciate it. I’m thinking about it. This is, I have to say, the most friendly and civil pit thread I’ve ever read. If I had the wherewithal and knowledge to make a montage of people saying ‘fuck’, I would do it right now. It would be a lovely 1980’s moment. Make it your head. Giggle. Fuck! Really, thanks hugs! Dammit I can’t even do pit threads right. Hmmph! ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-the-work-friend/608496/15 "2012-01-06T04:14:35Z")
I had this happen. Was very close to a work friend. Who suddenly turned distant after I left. After weeks of him minimally responding to emails/texts, I finally got to talk to him, and he said: _“Man, you’re reading way too much into this. I’m not avoiding you, I don’t dislike you…”_ “I’m just not on your radar any more, am I?” said I. _"Yeah, I’d say that’s it. Sorry, man. "_ So my advice would be: Do NOT take it personally. (easier said than done–I’m telling myself this, too)