Actually, it is possible to walk with grace and beauty, with the same sinuous hip movement that heels give you, it just takes practice and someone who knows how to do it to teach you. Back when I could still walk unassisted I could have shown you, but it is possible, and other than very occasionally I never tormented myself in heels.
I still think learning to walk with a book balanced on your head is a good way to learn how to walk in a “ladylike” way. It forces you to move your hips instead of bouncing up and down.
More brands: try Wolky and Finn Comfort, too. Again (I’m sensing a theme here), they are expensive, but you can sometimes find them on clearance on 6pm.com or something, and they last forever.
And this addresses the “fetish” comment how? You said all women fetishize shoes. Apparently fetishizing shoes means trying to find shoes that don’t hurt and are appropriate for work.
Someone on the Dope recommended Enzo flats to me. After I got my first pair, I immediately bought three more pairs (they come in a million colors.) I don’t know if they have exactly what you need, but for me, a person who hates wearing heels, they are fantastic. I can walk blocks and blocks down city streets without blisters or foot pain.
I find it rather disgusting to even consider people being permitted to wear flip-flops at work. Feet can sweat and stink, and even though these flip-flops look comfortable, i’ll bet your feet sweat a bit in that plastic/rubber combo. I personally couldn’t wear them because my feet DO sweat and stink. I wouldn’t subject my co-workers to that, even if I could.
Perhaps you are one of the lucky people who don’t have sweat producing feet. But most folks do, and there are few human-produced odors more objectionable than foot odor…
Ehrm. Yes, feet sweat, but they don’t stink unless there’s a medical issue. Fungus infection being the most common. If your feet are smelly just going around barefoot, there’s a problem. I’m around people in sandals often, including at work, and it’s just not an issue.
I disagree. I have a couple of pairs of shoes that smell terribly while the rest of my (extensive) collection have nary a smell. It has to be the materials or something.
It could be the particular pair of shoes for some people. For others, I think their feet just stink. Certainly not everyone’s feet stink all the time. I live in flip flops or sandals 2/3 of the year and my feet never stink. My son’s feet stink when he’s been wearing closed shoes all day, but when he’s wearing his flip flops or his Keens all the time, no stink.
Agreed. My point was this, considering wearing sandals and especially flip flops is basically being barefoot:
Based on this:
FWIW, I was trying to agree with you. 
Have you seen the Taryn Rose shoes? The shoe company was started by an orthopedic doctor and she makes fashion/designer shoes that won’t kill your feet. They’re not cheap, but at least they don’t look like old lady orthopedic shoes.
Who fucking cares!
If this is the worst of your troubles…bite me. I have no sympathy.
Little children are starving. Animals are being tortured and killed…and you are worried about shoes. Spare me!!!
~Linus van Pelt
I as a person of the male persuasion have very little sympathy. Your problem is not that you can’t find any shoes, it’s that you can’t find *cute *shoes. You’ve got “tennis shoes, hiking boots, Birkenstocks and their ilk, and the occasional pair of boots, cowboy boots, and Mary Janes.”, and it appears that you can wear stuff from certain shoe manufacturers.
You could be a guy, and have all your shoes fit orthopedic inserts, because they’re all the same fucking shoe in various shades of brown and black! You want the same “convenience” as guys? Buy 1 pair of dress shoes (you can find them, you said so in the OP) and that’s it. You’re done. What? You wanted cute shoes? Well, too bad. You want guy convenience, you get guy choices.
My shoe width is EEEEE. I can wear roughly 0.01% of all men’s shoes that are produced. And guess what - they aren’t always the best ones and they sure as shit aren’t cheap. I also have plantar fasciitis, so a good chunk of the ones that I can even buy in my size won’t work for me.
I’ve found a few good ones, so it’s solvable, but it definitely sucks not being able to buy the ones that you really like the looks of, so I feel for the OP.
You don’t know much about women’s fashion, do you?
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I wouldn’t put it as harsh as this, but my philosophy of both clothes and shoes sort runs in line with it.
I’ve never been a clotheshorse, and I’ve certainly never been a shoe lover. I’ve always been hard to fit in both areas, so when I see something that fits me perfectly, I tend to buy X number of said item. For instance, my fall/winter nonwork “uniform” are jeans and long-sleeved t-shirts. Ergo, I have X pairs of jeans and X number of long-sleeved t-shirts, all in different colors.
It’s not that easy with shoes. I used to have three different pairs of dress boots (the kind that come up to the ankle) that I’d wear with the jeans as a variation from sneakers. I can’t wear those anymore because of my foot issues. There’s not much variation when it comes to sneakers. For my FIL’s funeral last month I ran out and bought a pair of black Mary Janes from Marshall’s that have thick rubber soles. I went back a few days later and bought the same shoe in dark brown. I also saw a walking shoe that could pass for a regular shoe, so I bought them too.
I lucked out. Stumbling upon something like that, especially for women’s shoes, is rare because there are so many variations, so many styles, compared to men’s shoes. The “cute” factor doesn’t bother me as much as the “utilitarian” and “does it fit?” factor.
It’s a rare thing to have “cute” and “it fits perfectly” come together in a woman’s shoe. It’s like women complaining the little variation in plus-size clothing. Same thing for shoes which deviate from the “cute”.
My feet sweat in close toed shoes, certainly, but not in flip flops. If anything, having the air circulate around them makes them a little dry and I have to use moisturizer. I also keep baby wipes around for clean up. If you want to find out where most shoes flat out stink, look at the stitching. Dirt gets rubbed into the stitching and collects and now you’ve got your stink. It’s a regular Saturday morning chore in the spring-fall to clean the soles of my sandals with soapy water and a toothbrush, leaving them to air dry.
Most of these things are not appropriate for many workplaces. Most women cannot just say, “Oh, boss, my feet hurt so I’m wearing tennies.” The OP is looking for “dress shoes” not Birks and hiking boots.
I wear crocs flats for job interviews and at all my professional jobs (insurance company, then bank). Never had a problem with tired feet, nor have I been the butt of societal oppression. I find them sufficiently attractive and very utilitarian, although they’re not intended to be sexy. Fuck-me heels have no place outside the bedroom or the red carpet, IMO.
Shoes here. Comfortable and look good on my very-wide feet.
Those look like the Mary Janes I mentioned upthread minus the strap. Mine are obviously a knock-off, though, but they are very, very comfortable.