# I put my wife in jail today. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839 "2011-02-18T19:19:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/61 "2011-02-19T21:50:31Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > I may just pack a bag and leave this shithole the same way I got here. By crawling naked through your mom’s vagina? Unless you meant something else with that comment of ‘leaving this shithole’. Also make sure you get your son into counseling since he inherited the genetics. If he has the same condition(s) and they start showing up as a teenager, catching it early can save you a lifetime of pain. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/62 "2011-02-19T21:55:58Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > You still want the restraining order as it shows that it’s recognized she is a danger and the cops will know the situation when they are called. Right, but that’s option B in my opinion. Option A would be to have someone that she trusts convince her that she needs help and check herself into some type of in-patient mental health facility. And when/if she gets treatment, it would be good for her not to have a felony conviction on her record. Restraining orders, jail, police being called, her tacking on criminal charges are things which do not help her recover nor do they protect the OPs family. I agree in the sense that you should have one so, as you pointed out, it is documented for when the police arrive, but it is like putting a bandage on a gushing wound. It really doesn’t solve anything long term. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2011, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/63 "2011-02-19T22:23:07Z")
She’s in county until at least Tuesday. I just got my car back (-$200.00, dammit.) Her family have been very cool, very helpful, and, weirdly, not surprised. **Wesley Clark** , did you really just compare **Palikia** ’s vagina to a shithole? I hope not. I moved down here to fucking south Texas from Colorado with a backpack and a plastic grocery bag. If it turns out there won’t be anything keeping me and my son here, we’re out. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2011, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/64 "2011-02-19T22:43:52Z")
History, please! WTF is going on here? ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2011, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/65 "2011-02-19T23:58:06Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > **Wesley Clark** , did you really just compare **Palikia** ’s vagina to a shithole? I hope not. > > I moved down here to fucking south Texas from Colorado with a backpack and a plastic grocery bag. If it turns out there won’t be anything keeping me and my son here, we’re out. It was a black humor reference to a person dying the way they were born (naked, screaming, blind, etc). But nevermind. I don’t know who Palikia is. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/66 "2011-02-20T01:59:25Z")
No worries. I’m pretty out of it right now. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/67 "2011-02-20T02:07:38Z")
> [@The\_Why\_Bird](#): > > I disagree with both of these posts. Yes, it is tragic if mental illness is what caused this outburst. Yes, it will be hard on the child. But the MOST important thing is that Darth and his kid are safe. It’s one thing to recognize that there could be an illness causing this behaviour, but that does not mean that Darth and his child should remain in any danger. I never meant that Darth and son should remain in danger. I’m thinking more along the lines of: Darth and son should remain together in the house so that the child has portions of his normal life still going on. I’m thinking Darth should refuse to let the wife move back in until things are resolved. Either he find out she has a medical problem and needs treatment (huge brain tumor pressing on her brain?), or she’s a cruel harpy who needs to be kicked to the curb. Another thing that wasn’t clear from his post was that he meant to take the son with him. That makes a big difference. I myself moved out of an abusive relationship with a 6-month old and a 3-year old. It was worth it. I see that he has clarified since. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/68 "2011-02-22T03:30:32Z")
First of all, I _think_ I’ve already said sorry to everyone here I was mean to. I hope so. If I called you a dick, and you haven’t gotten a PM yet, lemmie know. My son still lives here. His mom is still in jail. Nobody has been able or even there to find a police report yet. Really. Happy President’s Day. I called the cops, 'cause I was worried about her well-being. Didn’t know they were going to have to chase her down and disarm her. Argh. I love her, but soon we chose between serious health care or divorce. I’ve spent a day or two in jail, many years ago, and it sucks. I suspect she hates me now. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/69 "2011-02-22T05:05:43Z")
I think under the circumstances anybody with half a brain would look over your posts Darth, don’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/70 "2011-02-22T05:05:55Z")
You didn’t call me a dick - but feel free, if it helps any. 🙂 You did the right thing, Darth. Stay strong. The time for that choice is now. (Or as soon as you can sit down and talk to her, I mean.) Keeping the status quo isn’t love - for her or your son. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/71 "2011-02-22T05:33:43Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > \ I suspect she hates me now. You’re not to blame for this. I suspect she isn’t either, being what sounds like mentally incompetent at the moment, but you can’t shoulder the blame if she does hate you. It sounds like something that was bound to happen sooner or later, and if she gets treatment and/or you and your son get out without anyone getting hurt, then it was a Good Thing. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/72 "2011-02-22T08:00:34Z")
(((((Darth)))))) Dealing with this sucks, but you’re going to have to talk this through in depth with your son. And, if he’s anything like I was as a kid, you’ll have to be the one who brings it up, too. Knowing that a parent did something crazy due to mental illness is really scary, and it’s hard to understand without being told that it’s okay to talk about it instead of pretend that the event never happened. Remember, he’ll take his cues from you, so if you clam up about it, he’ll think it’s a bad thing never to be talked about, and you really don’t want that. > [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I don’t know who Palikia is. Darth’s late mother. She was a poster here. ---
**Author:** ![longPath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@longPath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/longPath)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/73 "2011-02-22T11:46:21Z")
I’ve been checking this thread periodically to see how things are going for the OP and there is something I don’t understand. Is **Darth Nader** ’s wife locked up in a jail or a secure mental health facility? Would she be getting at least emergency MH treatment? There are percieved big problems in my community around the issue of police and their lack of training in dealing with “crazy” people. Best wishes, \*\*Darth Nader \*\*and the little Nader. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/74 "2011-02-22T13:25:24Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > She is your wife and the mother of your son. If she has abusive tendencies then yes get out she is a criminal. If she is acting this way because she is mentally ill then you are family you need to help her. You need to think of it the same way as you would if she had cancer. When someone has an illness, you need to stand by them as much as they are willing to stand by themselves. If you are married to a non-compliant diabetic, or someone mentally ill who doesn’t want to take their meds or work through therapy, or someone who had a heart attack who refuses to stop smoking or loose weight, they’ve told you what their level of commitment is to themselves, and your level of commitment only needs to exceed that if you choose. And if their illness has the potential to impact your health, you can support them from a distance. There is no need to be in the room while your loved one bleeds out from ebola. Nor is there any reason to accept someone whose mental illness includes violence towards others into your home. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/75 "2011-02-22T15:17:21Z")
It hasn’t been established that this person is mentally ill. My post regarding ruling out other causes of the behavior was not intended as an alternative to “get away from this abusive person” but if the inclination is to perceive her as having a medical condition as opposed to merely being an abusively dangerous person, start by ruling out physiological causes. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/76 "2011-02-22T18:44:14Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Yikes. Is she mentally ill? I’m thinking yes? I’m torn between “you have an obligation to stand by her in sickness and in health, for better and for worse”… Sorry, but that’s an incredibly fucked up attitude that leads to innocent parties being stuck in situations that place them at risk of emotional abuse and possibly physical danger. Why the hell would you even suggest it? ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/77 "2011-02-22T21:56:36Z")
**Darth** , I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I was stuck with my mentally ill mother for several years after my parents divorced, so I can feel for your son. My dad had enough, and didn’t have a lot to do with me after the divorce - he regrets it now, as he should. The fact is, if he’d have taken me away from my mom, my childhood would have been much better. If there’s one bright side in this, it’s that you’re here for your son. He’s very lucky to have you. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/78 "2011-02-22T23:49:02Z")
Best wishes and good luck, **Darth.** Please do keep us posted as events unfurl - we all want you and your son to stay safe. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/79 "2011-02-23T01:39:23Z")
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I vaguely remembered the original discussion. It sounds like things have gotten to a decision point. I agree that a full physical work-up, to rule out an organic cause, might be a good idea. With your wife’s behavior, I doubt that she’d agree to that. Above all, keep yourself and your child safe. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839/80 "2011-02-23T01:43:03Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > \ > I agree that a full physical work-up, to rule out an organic cause, might be a good idea. With your wife’s behavior, I doubt that she’d agree to that.\ I think that has to be kind of a bottom line - yes, she might have a physical condition that is causing this violent behaviour, but if she won’t go to a doctor, then it doesn’t really matter what is causing it; **Darth** has to do what he has to do to protect himself and his son regardless. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-put-my-wife-in-jail-today/571839.md?page=5)