# I resent it when strip clubs hire fat-ass bouncers. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 6, 2008, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469 "2008-07-06T17:49:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/1 "2008-07-06T17:49:47Z")
So, last night my bro and I went out and hit an area strip club. The place is a little different from most because if you buy a lap dance ($20) you are allowed to fondle the girl and may touch everything but the holy of holeys itself. The girls were friendly, hot, and not too overtly mercenary and we had a great time with them. Did I mention that the $10 cover includes all the beer you can drink? What’s the problem, then, you ask? The place had two bouncers. These were tall young men in their 20’s. They were also two of the most morbidly obese, red-in-the-face and wheezing, waddlebutts I ever encountered in that role. Goddammit, when I go out for a night of drunken debauchery, I expect the clubs to have bouncers who are actually capable of bouncing me if I should go entirely off the chain. These two fat fucks looked entirely capable of having a heart attack just lumbering across the room. Bounce me? Shit. They might pass the fuck out and fall on me. “Avalanche of sweaty flesh fu” as it were. Their complete unsuitablity for the job was compounded by their preening, strutting, and making it a point to touch every girl as she finished a dance and left the stage. One wonders whether either of them was actually capable of having sexual congress with a woman, given that their phalli were lost under multiple folds of flab…no doubt with mildew in the creases. Their presence didn’t entirely harsh our evening out, but bro and I agreed that those two shambling mounds of cholesterol did detract measurably from the desired strip club ambiance. What you want in a bouncer is a guy with the strength and skill to eject a rowdy drunk before he fucks up everybody’s evening. Ideally, he should do it with a minimum of fuss and injury to the drunk. He should also be a relatively unobtrusive presence until he is needed. Glowering muscleheads are no better than puffing fat-asses. So a note to all strip club owners: no matter how much your cunt wife bitches and nags at you to give her grotesque nephews a job at your club, don’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea666f/32.png) [@Two\_and\_a\_Half\_Inches\_of\_Fun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_and_a_Half_Inches_of_Fun)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/2 "2008-07-06T17:56:56Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup] So, last night my bro and I went out and hit an area strip club. The place is a little different from most because if you buy a lap dance ($20) you are allowed to fondle the girl and may touch everything but the holy of holeys itself. [/QUOTE] So, let me get this straight. You are saying you can give them one in the stink as long as you don’t do the two in the pink? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/3 "2008-07-06T17:59:25Z")
[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun] So, let me get this straight. You are saying you can give them one in the stink as long as you don’t do the two in the pink? [/QUOTE] There is no rule explicitly against it. I’d suppose one would want to spend the extra money on a private room for the dance and tip heavily after. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/4 "2008-07-06T18:02:26Z")
“Tower, roll out Rescue 1; we’ve got one coming down in flames !” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/5 "2008-07-06T18:03:30Z")
Waitaminnit - you went to a strip club, and spent your time looking at the bouncers? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/6 "2008-07-06T18:05:38Z")
[QUOTE=Shodan] Waitaminnit - you went to a strip club, and spent your time looking at the bouncers? Regards, Shodan [/QUOTE] It was unavoidable. They had their disgusting widebodies stationed at the ends of the stage; so if you took a table (as we did) you had one of the gnocci twins in your LOS at all times. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/7 "2008-07-06T18:06:03Z")
Sounds to me like some typical school yard action to me. If you were so disgusted maybe you should have made your move and put them to shame. Then you could have looked like a real hero. That’s the thing about strip clubs, everybodys little hormones just get all excited and frisky and shit. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/8 "2008-07-06T18:08:26Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup] So, last night my bro and I went out and hit an area strip club. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Scumpup] Did I mention that the $10 cover includes all the beer you can drink? [/QUOTE] I never was one for strip clubs, but could you please cite where this place is? If my brothers and I went into a bar that served us all the beer we could drink for only ten bucks, the place would go bankrupt before closing time. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/9 "2008-07-06T18:08:47Z")
Ah, the _Jerry Springer_ demographic. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/10 "2008-07-06T18:09:24Z")
[QUOTE=pkbites] I never was one for strip clubs, but could you please cite where this place is? If my brothers and I went into a bar that served us all the beer we could drink for only ten bucks, the place would go bankrupt before closing time. [/QUOTE] It’s just outside Pittsburgh in McKee’s Rocks. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/11 "2008-07-06T18:13:20Z")
[QUOTE=pkbites] I never was one for strip clubs, but could you please cite where this place is? If my brothers and I went into a bar that served us all the beer we could drink for only ten bucks, the place would go bankrupt before closing time. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Scumpup] It’s just outside Pittsburgh in McKee’s Rocks. [/QUOTE] That’s a bit of a drive from here. What kind of beer is it? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/12 "2008-07-06T18:13:39Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup] It was unavoidable. They had their disgusting widebodies stationed at the ends of the stage; so if you took a table (as we did) you had one of the gnocci twins in your LOS at all times. [/QUOTE] They weren’t Samoan by any chance, were they? Because I’d rather be bounced by the front line of the Packers than tangle with even ONE of those big mothers. Next time you go, pretend you’re in a harem with two eunuchs standing nearby. Perhaps your sensibilities won’t be so offended. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/13 "2008-07-06T18:16:06Z")
[QUOTE=pkbites] That’s a bit of a drive from here. What kind of beer is it? [/QUOTE] They had five of your basic mass-produced national brand beers on tap. Bro and I drank an assload of Coors Light. Not a favorite brew, by any means, but refreshing enough on a hot summer night. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/14 "2008-07-06T18:17:49Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] They weren’t Samoan by any chance, were they? Because I’d rather be bounced by the front line of the Packers than tangle with even ONE of those big mothers. Next time you go, pretend you’re in a harem with two eunuchs standing nearby. Perhaps your sensibilities won’t be so offended. [/QUOTE] Oh HELL no, they weren’t Samoan. They were two pasty, sweaty, lard-assed white boys. I like your eunuch suggestion, though. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/15 "2008-07-06T18:17:54Z")
[QUOTE=pkbites] If my brothers and I went into a bar that served us all the beer we could drink for only ten bucks, the place would go bankrupt before closing time. [/QUOTE] You and me both. Sod the girls, hand over the brewskis. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/16 "2008-07-06T18:31:50Z")
[QUOTE=Shodan] Waitaminnit - you went to a strip club, and spent your time looking at the bouncers? Regards, Shodan [/QUOTE] That’s what I was thinking after reading the OP - **Scum Pup** was disappointed at a strip club that the bouncers weren’t hot enough? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/17 "2008-07-06T18:40:39Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] You and me both. Sod the girls, hand over the brewskis. [/QUOTE] Never been to a strip club. But for $10 I would be perfectly happy with CNN or Gilligan’s Island (Mary Ann, Mary Ann). In fact I would prefer it. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/18 "2008-07-06T18:54:14Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup] The place is a little different from most because if you buy a lap dance ($20) you are allowed to fondle the girl and may touch everything but the holy of holeys itself. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Scumpup] Their presence didn’t entirely harsh our evening out, but bro and I agreed that those two shambling mounds of cholesterol did detract measurably from the desired strip club ambiance. What you want in a bouncer is a guy with the strength and skill to eject a rowdy drunk before he fucks up everybody’s evening. Ideally, he should do it with a minimum of fuss and injury to the drunk. He should also be a relatively unobtrusive presence until he is needed. [/QUOTE] It’s true. Without careful staffing, customers may not get the classy, sophisticated vibe they naturally expect when paying to grope strippers and drink cheap beer. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/19 "2008-07-06T18:59:51Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] It’s true. Without careful staffing, customers may not get the classy, sophisticated vibe they naturally expect when paying to grope strippers and drink cheap beer. [/QUOTE] It was like a car accident that I could not look away from until this. Bless you, **Giraffe** … Thanks for the laugh. To the OP: perhaps a word with the manager of the establishment would make your “concerns” known. Who knows? you may act as a catalyst for many a strip club. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2008, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469/20 "2008-07-06T19:03:16Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] It’s true. Without careful staffing, customers may not get the classy, sophisticated vibe they naturally expect when paying to grope strippers and drink cheap beer. [/QUOTE] Plus they scare the little kids. Family entertainment, my ass. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-resent-it-when-strip-clubs-hire-fat-ass-bouncers/455469.md?page=2)