# I saw a drunk old man masturbate at Friday's! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2003, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338 "2003-03-22T08:56:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/21 "2003-03-23T03:37:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by juji\_mojo \* > \*\* > Don’t ask me what the same guy did the next night for an encore… :-P:eek: \*\* Oh, C’mon! You’ve gotta tell us now! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/22 "2003-03-23T11:09:23Z")
> [@](#): > > If you want to live down your “toothpaste” story SPOOFE, you might try changing your name around here. Maybe if I changed my user name to “Monster105”… or maybe “Minty Blue”… Or damn, maybe I should just accept the fact that I said one thing too many… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![juji\_mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@juji\_mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/juji_mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/23 "2003-03-23T14:08:58Z")
Hugh… Are you SURE you want to hear it… It is definitely not a pleasant “sunday family time at the donut shop” kind of story. ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/24 "2003-03-23T14:26:29Z")
**juji\_mojo** , the more you tease us by telling us how bad it is, the more we wanna know! C’mon, fess up! Max 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/25 "2003-03-23T17:51:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by juji\_mojo \* > \*\*Hugh… > > Are you SURE you want to hear it… It is definitely not a pleasant “sunday family time at the donut shop” kind of story. \*\* Okay, if you don’t tell us now, I will hunt you down! ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/26 "2003-03-23T18:21:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by juji\_mojo \* > \*\*Hugh… > > Are you SURE you want to hear it… It is definitely not a pleasant “sunday family time at the donut shop” kind of story. \*\* **juji\_mojo** , Welcome to the SDMB. We love unpleasant stories. They make our day. Besides, I’m sure it can’t be any worse than what we experienced with the historic TMI thread. You keep tempting us. Time to spill it, dahlink. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/27 "2003-03-23T18:32:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by juji\_mojo \* > \*\*Hugh… > > Are you SURE you want to hear it… It is definitely not a pleasant “sunday family time at the donut shop” kind of story. \*\* YES! C’mon, spill! ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/28 "2003-03-23T18:38:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > \*\*If you want to live down your “toothpaste” story **SPOOFE** , you might try changing your name around here. Oh wait, you did that once. You do it again and you’ll be “ **SPOO** ”. I don’t think that would help things. > \*\* Then to top it off, some yahoo will come along and [link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=860395#post860395) to **SPOOFE** ’s toothpaste story yet again, thereby decreasing the chances that **SPOOFE** will ever live it down. I’m just doing my part to assist the hamsters. I’m sure there’s been loads of newbies off to search for “ **SPOOFE** ” and “toothpaste,” right? ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/29 "2003-03-23T18:47:54Z")
Wow, the toothpaste story rules! I was just waiting for the “…and that’s when my grandmother walked in.” or something. It was good nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/30 "2003-03-23T22:24:18Z")
_shudder_ ew… Just ew… I would not have been able to continue eating… ew… ---
**Author:** ![IThinkNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ce73a5/32.png) [@IThinkNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IThinkNot)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/31 "2003-03-23T22:47:21Z")
Oh, **ICKY!** But it’s a good story (yuck yuck yuck yuck I am traumatized for life) anyway! EWWWWWWW ! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/32 "2003-03-23T23:28:18Z")
This reminds me of a story, it’s probably a rumor, but some guy was caught masturbating into the donut batter at work. So I went to [http://www.google.com/](http://www.google.com/) to search for it (‘masturbating donut batter’) got no results, but an ad on the side of the screen came up, that says ‘secret donut recipe $5’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/33 "2003-03-23T23:48:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lel \* > \*\*Then to top it off, some yahoo will come along and [link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=860395#post860395) to **SPOOFE** ’s toothpaste story yet again, thereby decreasing the chances that **SPOOFE** will ever live it down.[/size] \*\* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/34 "2003-03-24T00:54:00Z")
Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. ---
**Author:** ![green\_dragon\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/13edae/32.png) [@green\_dragon\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_dragon_1)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/35 "2003-03-24T01:07:06Z")
funny and yet stomach-turning at the same time… ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/36 "2003-03-24T01:14:17Z")
**Spoofe** , I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. I don’t know how I’ll brush my teeth tonight. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/37 "2003-03-24T01:24:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Then to top it off, some yahoo will come along and link to SPOOFE’s toothpaste story yet again, thereby decreasing the chances that SPOOFE will ever live it down. :eek: You have scarred me for life… althought that was a pretty damn funny story. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![juji\_mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@juji\_mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/juji_mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/38 "2003-03-24T02:48:15Z")
Well Im back from work… maybe I will post the “sunday at the donut shop story” But first I want to read about this toothpaste thing… ---
**Author:** ![Grelby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a5b964/32.png) [@Grelby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grelby)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/39 "2003-03-24T03:10:50Z")
Oh man, the toothpaste story. Ah, the memories. Yeah, that sure was gross. And I’m kinda regretting this… I thought, “Grelby, opening this thread is a BAD idea,” but I did it anyway. I have no one to blame but myself. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338/40 "2003-03-24T03:35:22Z")
My college has lots of problems with people (mostly men) going to the library to pleasure themselves, either in the bathrooms or the bookstacks. One of the columnists for the student newspaper took it upon himself to write a lengthy article about the subject, describing the act using phrases such as “polishing the bishop” and “shellacking the gazebo.” Really funny, considering the typical bland/overly important tone typically used by those columnists. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-a-drunk-old-man-masturbate-at-fridays/163338.md?page=3)