# I saw an advance screening of Sahara last night (Spoilers in Boxes) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211 "2005-04-07T14:03:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/1 "2005-04-07T14:03:55Z")
So nyah, nyah! Anyway, it was a pretty good movie. A bit of a MacGuyver-ish feel, but a good time was had by all…adventure & comedy. I recommend it. Just be prepared to suspend your disbelief…not \*too \* high, though. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/2 "2005-04-07T15:11:19Z")
So, what’s it about? I’ve been watching the trailers and all I’ve been able to catch so far is that it has something to do with a treasure, and perhaps an alien spaceship buried under the desert(I thought I saw something really high-tech in one of the trailors, but I could be wrong). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/3 "2005-04-07T15:19:06Z")
Ok, I thought I’d wait to see if anyone asked before I put it in. I’m spoiling it, below. There are three separate but converging storylines. # 1 is Matthew McConohay (I have NO idea how to spell his name). He is looking for the last Ironclad ship to run the Union blockade at the end of the Civil War. He thinks it sailed to Africa, when a great deal of the Sahara border was under water, and the Niger River was much higher than now. Everyone else, of course, thinks he’s crazy as a loon. But…someone finds a Civil War coin, a coin that only had five copies made of it. The person who finds the coin finds it deep inside an Evil Dictator’s land - in the city of Mali. The second storyline is Penelope Cruz. She is a doctor with the World Health Organization (WHO) and works in Africa. She finds some people sick & dead with what she thinks is some kind of strange plague. However, the sick people got sick way inside an evil dictator’s territory. (Getting the hint?) So the WHO won’t sponsor them going in there, as it’s half ruled by Evil Dictator, and half by the Tuaregs, a very dangerous assortment of nomadic locals. The third storyline is Evil Dictator’s. Evil Dictator is up to some nefarious stuff in Mali, and we don’t find out what he’s doing until well into the movie. Evil Dictator is aware of this interfering doctor and sets out to kill her. Matthew & Penelope end up deep in the heart of Mali, looking for a Civil War Ironclad and the source of the plague. How’s that? Good description? Want more? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/4 "2005-04-07T15:22:51Z")
Going by the spoilers given, this isn’t a remake of _Sahara_ starring Humphrey Bogart, but a film version of Clive Cussler’s book, _Sahara_. Now the previews make some sense! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/5 "2005-04-07T15:24:12Z")
Hmm, this mvoie is already starting to worry me: Mali isn’t a city, it’s a country. In addition, it’s a democracy with an elected president, Toumani Toure. But the big question is–are there any nude scenes involving McConaghey or Zahn? ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/6 "2005-04-07T15:27:01Z")
Noah’s Ark had cannons. To fight off plesiosaurs? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/7 "2005-04-07T15:29:49Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Hmm, this mvoie is already starting to worry me: > > Mali isn’t a city, it’s a country. In addition, it’s a democracy with an elected president, Toumani Toure. > > But the big question is–are there any nude scenes involving McConaghey or Zahn? The Mali bit is MY fault, not the movie’s. I honestly couldn’t remember. No nude bits at all. Penelope dresses very skimpy in several scenes, belly exposed, but.,…put it this way. Normally I hate romance in adventure movies, stop slobbering all over each other and look for the damn treasure is how I feel. But in this one, I was actually anxious for them to kiss, and they only did once. > [@jimpatro](#): > > Noah’s Ark had cannons. To fight off plesiosaurs? What?! Noah’s Ark wasn’t mentioned at all. What on earth are you talking about??? ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/8 "2005-04-07T16:26:01Z")
I would be very interested to hear the opinion of someone who has both read the book and seen the movie–I’ve been reading Clive Cussler’s books since I was 12 or so and decided to switch to the “grownups bookcase”, and started in on my Dad’s favorite authors. I’ve seen the previews, and though I like both Matthew McConaughey and Steve Zahn, I really can’t imagine them working at _all_ as Pitt and Giordino. But, let’s face it, they’ll get my nine bucks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/9 "2005-04-07T17:24:42Z")
I saw this movie last Thursday, at an apparently Advanced-Advanced screening. It was awful, I hated it, I don’t think I have laughed that hard **at** a movie since G.I. Jane. I am glad I got the ticket for free, I would have walked out otherwise. IMO, the director was trying to check off every page in 101 Movie Cliches You Should Never Use! And that damn airplane scene… What the everloving fuck was that? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/10 "2005-04-07T18:01:48Z")
Sounds like they were following the book fairly closely, then. Cussler always has his heroes stumble over some lost ship or plane or somethingorother during the course of their adventures. It’s his major passion. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/11 "2005-04-07T19:27:55Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Cussler always has his heroes stumble over some lost ship or plane or somethingorother during the course of their adventures. It’s his major passion. But come on, how cool would it be if half the inventory of the Library of Alexandria (as well as the body of Alexander the Great) really _was_ buried in Texas? 🙂 **Anaamika** , one question … When they found the ironclad, was the mummified corpse of Abraham Lincoln on board? That was always my favorite part. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/12 "2005-04-07T19:28:59Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#): > > I saw this movie last Thursday, at an apparently Advanced-Advanced screening. > It was awful, I hated it, I don’t think I have laughed that hard **at** a movie since G.I. Jane. I am glad I got the ticket for free, I would have walked out otherwise. I thought all of that was charming. A bit over the top, but who cares? ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/13 "2005-04-07T19:37:30Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > But the big question is–are there any nude scenes involving McConaghey or Zahn? McConaghey and Zahn? What about Cruz? (Actually, with a PG-13 rating, I already know the answer for all 3. ☹ ) ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/14 "2005-04-07T19:43:26Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#): > > I saw this movie last Thursday, at an apparently Advanced-Advanced screening. > It was awful, I hated it, I don’t think I have laughed that hard **at** a movie since G.I. Jane. I am glad I got the ticket for free, I would have walked out otherwise. > > IMO, the director was trying to check off every page in 101 Movie Cliches You Should Never Use! > > And that damn airplane scene… What the everloving fuck was that? You may have to blame the source material. Clive Cussler seems to write for fourteen year old boys. I think if the “book version” Dirk Pitt were to materialize off the page, Cussler would give him oral sex. Still, they’re decent beach books. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/15 "2005-04-07T20:14:59Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I thought all of that was charming. A bit over the top, but who cares? Apparently I do 🙂 :smack: One of my pet peeves is the unimaginative use of cliche… So this movie was bound to annoy me. I have never read the books, nor heard of the author before, so I may not be the best critic of this mess, but I am also critiquing au gratis. While I did despise the movie, I have to admit I had a lot of fun with the people I was there with… When Pitt kept shouting “Ava! Ava!” I would lean over to my friend (who has a spoiled dog named Eva) and say, “Sit!” I made the pronouncement that if Ava’s strong, wise but yielding cohort said, “They are in the middle of a civil war” one more time I was going to demand my money back. Even though I got in for free, there was still a principle at stake, somewhere. But I think the funniest part was the half-assed attempt to get the poor, pissed-upon tribe to help them out. I couldn’t help but think that if Pitt had brought a Wookie, he could have easily secured their help. The fact that P. Cruz looks like an alien trying to imitate a human female will not even enter into my criticism here. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/16 "2005-04-07T20:19:41Z")
**Anaamika** > [@](#): > > What?! Noah’s Ark wasn’t mentioned at all. What on earth are you talking about??? Sorry, should have read “Noah’s ark had cannons?” Just from what I could tell from all the flash frames in the trailer it looked like the ark or maybe the Merrimac fired a ball into the cockpit of that plane. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/17 "2005-04-07T20:24:29Z")
> [@jimpatro](#): > > **Anaamika** > Sorry, should have read “Noah’s ark had cannons?” > Just from what I could tell from all the flash frames in the trailer it looked like the ark or maybe the Merrimac fired a ball into the cockpit of that plane. It wasn’t the Ark, I can tell you that. And the thing that fired the cannon, did, indeed, have cannons. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/18 "2005-04-07T23:35:59Z")
Jawa Sand Crawler? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/19 "2005-04-07T23:41:04Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > But come on, how cool would it be if half the inventory of the Library of Alexandria (as well as the body of Alexander the Great) really _was_ buried in Texas? 🙂 > > **Anaamika** , one question … > > When they found the ironclad, was the mummified corpse of Abraham Lincoln on board? > > That was always my favorite part. Somehow I missed this. That would be no, or at least: They didn’t go into it that much. There were lots of mummified corpses on the ship, as well as…a little surprise, which I don’t want to ruin. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211/20 "2005-04-07T23:48:51Z")
Did they find the cat in the gun turret? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-saw-an-advance-screening-of-sahara-last-night-spoilers-in-boxes/298211.md?page=2)