# I shall attend an awkward dinner tonight (friend introduces her new BF she left her hubby for) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 25, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529 "2014-03-25T15:53:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/61 "2014-03-25T23:56:56Z")
> [@lisiate](#): > > (numbering added for convenience). > > 1. I’ll take the over (ie the boyfriend’s wife has no idea what’s going on). > 2. I’ll go with it’s already occurring for the big win. > 3. You’re being absurdly generous I’d take 6 months tops.\ I’d go with the 15 months because Kay won’t realize The Douche has no intention of leaving his wife until at least 12 months in. > [@xizor](#): > > Ask K if she has met any of P’s friends. > Because, to quote Chris Rock: “If you haven’t met any of your boyfriend’s friends, then you ain’t his girlfriend” > > Also I would ask tons of questions about P’s wife and kids, just to watch him squirm. > “So P, Has K met your kids yet? Why not, they needs to start getting acclimated to her don’t they? Have you filed for divorce yet? What are you waiting for? This is obviously true wuv and I’m sure you can’t wait to start your next chapter together.” > That kind of stuff. Good questions. > [@smaje1](#): > > Yeah, daughter is on the youngish side. Apparently, when K and her ex sat her down to break the news that mommy was moving out, the daughter said she agreed it was a good idea for mommy to move out.\ That also sounds like bullshit to me - I don’t know much about young kids and their parents getting divorced, but the standard response from a young kid when hearing that their mom is leaving them isn’t usually, “Oh, good. About time!” > [@smaje1](#): > > \ I couldn’t desert her in her hour of need, but I’m certainly not going to tell her how to live her life. You keep trying to paint her as some kind of victim of circumstances, but she’s completely making her own bed here. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/62 "2014-03-25T23:59:07Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Perhaps K and Mrs. P can meet for tea or something after K moves to her neighborhood. That will probably go well. Oooh yeah, good idea. K: “So Mrs. P, since I’m sleeping with your not-ex-hubby, what inside info can you give me on him? Does he buy _you_ thoughtful gifts & flowers?” > [@xizor](#): > > Also I would ask tons of questions about P’s wife and kids, just to watch him squirm. > “So P, Has K met your kids yet? Why not, they needs to start getting acclimated to her don’t they? Have you filed for divorce yet? What are you waiting for? This is obviously true wuv and I’m sure you can’t wait to start your next chapter together.” > That kind of stuff. **Xizor** , You are a seriously twisted bastard; I bow in your direction. > [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Does your cell phone have a speakerphone feature? And do you have a nationwide coverage plan? I’d suggest you bring it along with you to dinner, and if the opportunity arises, give Mrs P. a call, introduce yourself, and tell her your doubts about this arrangement and ask for her reassurance. On speakerphone. I have a conf call dial-in # for work. Mebbe leave your phone on the table in speakerphone mode & we can all listen live. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/63 "2014-03-26T00:00:51Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You keep trying to paint her as some kind of victim of circumstances, but she’s completely making her own bed here. **snip** Not trying to paint her as a victim of circumstance at all – but we’ve all made some pretty dumb decisions. She made her bed, she’ll sleep in it (with or without him). I’m not going to try to make it all better for her, which is why I’m not going to try to change her mind. But I certainly will be a shoulder for her to cry on if and when it goes south. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/64 "2014-03-26T00:36:04Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > …And yes, that’s exactly what my comments will be kept to. Honestly, nothing I can possibly say will make either of them change their mind. Perhaps if I was a different kind of friend, I’d sit her down and slap her silly – but I’m not that kind of friend. I’d slap my sister silly if she did this to her family, but not with K. I have no stake in this. Her husband was very nice (from what I could see), but their relationship was never great. The odds are miniscule that K and P will work out. But ya never know. K’s husband may be happier, and K is. For now. As you are not her best of best friend, I applaude your restraint to not tell her she’s crazy. I have a very good friend that I’ve known for a long time. Recently divorced. And fairly well off (upper middle, no children. She is well set up for retirement). Her new love is “poor as a church mouse” and has been divorced 4 times. There are a number of other red flags. I’ve met the guy a couple of times. He seems OK. The only thing I advised her to do is to make sure she gets a pre-nup if they get married. Friends listen and when you can give advice that you think might be listend to, give it. No need to push though. Unless K is completely clueless, she has thought about everything you would like to say. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/65 "2014-03-26T00:59:10Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I have a very good friend that I’ve known for a long time. Recently divorced. And fairly well off (upper middle, no children. She is well set up for retirement). Her new love is “poor as a church mouse” and has been divorced 4 times. There are a number of other red flags. Well, as I said after my ill-fated marriage; “If you ignore the sea of red flags to be in a relationship with someone, you will be beaten with every single one of those red flags on your way out the door.” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/66 "2014-03-26T01:07:36Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I’d go with the 15 months because Kay won’t realize The Douche has no intention of leaving his wife until at least 12 months in. In my wife’s case, it was The Douche who walked out. They won’t last a year before the shiny wears off. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/67 "2014-03-26T01:28:28Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > AFAIK, ex-hubby (or soon-to-be-ex) hasn’t exactly lawyered up. Which is INSANE because I think he could take her for all she’s got – at least, he could have, had he not posted photos of his new paramour online. Not the brightest move. I’ll find out more about the legal side of the situation tonight! Oh, yes it is. He has the child’s home, and an SO who has been the child’s caretaker. There’s a really good chance that he has purposefully chosen the babysitter as the best possible person to help him get custody of his child. He appears to know exactly what he’s doing. K. will find herself a year from now renting a room, paying deep child support, and only seeing her child under supervision of the court. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/68 "2014-03-26T02:35:26Z")
Sounds like P and K and the OP all deserve each other. What a nightmare for the poor child. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/69 "2014-03-26T03:02:44Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Oh, yes it is. He has the child’s home, and an SO who has been the child’s caretaker. There’s a really good chance that he has purposefully chosen the babysitter as the best possible person to help him get custody of his child. He appears to know exactly what he’s doing. Or she is young and hot. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/70 "2014-03-26T05:15:24Z")
Oh, lord help me. I’ll give the full run down tomorrow when I’m at an actual keyboard, but the guy was really nice. And K was super happy. Oh, boy… I may have been wrong about this one. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/71 "2014-03-26T05:30:29Z")
Anybody can seem nice for a couple hours. ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/72 "2014-03-26T06:50:22Z")
Nice people don’t engage in that kind of behaviour, pretty much by definition, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Alba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@Alba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alba)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/73 "2014-03-26T09:45:56Z")
Oh no, it seems OP is also under P’s spell. I hope **BubbaDog’s** prediction is(n’t) right… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/74 "2014-03-26T10:15:13Z")
> [@smaje1](#): > > Oh, lord help me. I’ll give the full run down tomorrow when I’m at an actual keyboard, but the guy was really nice. And K was super happy. Oh, boy… I may have been wrong about this one. Remember that narcissists can be extremely charming. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/75 "2014-03-26T10:16:48Z")
I think I am constitutionally unable to understand people who willingly leave their own kids. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/76 "2014-03-26T12:58:48Z")
well… ::waiting, waiting waiting:: ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/77 "2014-03-26T13:07:15Z")
> [@Alba](#): > > Oh no, it seems OP is also under P’s spell. I hope **BubbaDog’s** prediction is(n’t) right… 😉 Cue bow-chicka-wow-wow music in the background ---
**Author:** ![Mind\_Your\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Mind\_Your\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mind_Your_Head)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/78 "2014-03-26T14:15:12Z")
I’m not sure whether I want to read any more of this or just wait for the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/79 "2014-03-26T14:38:32Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Remember that narcissists can be extremely charming. And certain sociopaths. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529/80 "2014-03-26T15:08:00Z")
So, I’m guessing no phone call to Mrs P was made. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shall-attend-an-awkward-dinner-tonight-friend-introduces-her-new-bf-she-left-her-hubby-for/684529.md?page=5)