# I shattered "My Doctor's" Mind in Kroger's **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** beer\ **Created:** [June 5, 2025, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219 "2025-06-05T06:43:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/1 "2025-06-05T06:43:07Z")
First thing First: I have no doctor Had to make a beer run. Kroger has these download coupons for insane beer discounts. Catch is, you use it, you lose it. So, if it lets you use it 5 times in a single transaction, you do it. I got lots of beer storage space. I go and load up my cart. About 7 cases, 4 different brands. I want some steak tacos, so I go down to the meat isle. Flank steak is $12 a pound. No thanks. I work my way down to the far end where the discount stuff is. There is a pile of 3lb ground beef chubs (those sealed tube things). I pick one up and look at the markdown price and try to do the math in my head to see if its a good deal.. Guy comes out of nowhere and POKES the chub in my hand and says… _“You don’t want that… That stuff is too greasy! My Doctor says…”_ The math stopped in my head. What the hell? Guy keeps going.._. “My Doctor says.. Guys like **you and me** …”_ I cock my head left and see who’s talking to me. The only thing we had in common was advanced skin cancer. He keeps going… “My Doctor says … gotta keep hydrated… drink lots of water!” I pointed to the front of my cart and said, “Beer is mostly water!” Dudes jaw dropped, eyes went oval slowly, like every synapse in his head shorted out. I’ve only ever seen that reaction in real time once before. Just like, tranced out. He squeezed the handle of shopping cart till his knuckles went white. He moves around me, and as he passes to my right, I say to him, “I don’t have a drinking problem, I’m _really good_ at it” ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/2 "2025-06-05T06:55:41Z")
I’ll say this, You gave him great dinner conversation that night. 😄 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/3 "2025-06-05T06:57:44Z")
I took your dare. Now you know the rest of the story… ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/4 "2025-06-05T06:58:40Z")
Gotcha, Paul Harvey. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/5 "2025-06-05T06:59:45Z")
Go draw faces on squash for dogs ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/6 "2025-06-05T07:01:35Z")
Looks like I’ll be drawing a new one tomorrow. Junior is missing. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/7 "2025-06-05T09:55:34Z")
I don’t have a drinking problem: I drink, I get drunk, I fall down, No problem! **Gato** , I hear you drink like a fish! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/8 "2025-06-05T12:37:14Z")
I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/9 "2025-06-06T13:35:35Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Dudes jaw dropped, eyes went oval slowly, like every synapse in his head shorted out. I’ve only ever seen that reaction in real time once before. Just like, tranced out. He squeezed the handle of shopping cart till his knuckles went white. I love doing that to busybodies. Many, many years ago, when my oldest was but a wee bairn, **Mrs Magill** could not keep up with his insatiable thirst. We had to supplement with formula. One evening, I was at the Target on the way home from work, to pick up said formula. The boy had to have a particular formula, otherwise god help you, your clothes, and whoever had to empty the diaper pail (me). As I was perusing the wall of baby formula, looking for that magical powder that would both sate his thirst and prevent astronomical laundry bills, I heard a “polite” _ahem_ from behind me. I scootched over, as I was obviously blocking Madam Passive-Aggressive’s way, but the mock throat clearing continued. I turned and asked, “I’m sorry, am I still blocking you?” Behind me, wearing enough foundation and eyeliner to make a drag queen do a double take, was a “Well Meaning Woman”. “You know,” she said dripping superiority from every syllable, “Breast milk _is_ best.” Cue peak Gen X. I looked her dead in the eye, nodded, and said, “I’ll keep that in mind if my next wife doesn’t die in childbirth,” and walked away. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/10 "2025-06-06T13:43:39Z")
I’m nominating this for the Comeback Hall Of Fame. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/11 "2025-06-06T15:08:11Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Go draw faces on squash for dogs She bought a bag of googly eyes…& then went to the produce section of the grocery store. I don’t remember if any of the squash got 'em or not. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/12 "2025-06-06T15:20:25Z")
> [@Maus\_Magill](#): > > I love doing that to busybodies. I don’t really seem to have much problem with busybodies, since (I suspect) they don’t feel like craning their necks to address me. (Being very tall has its advantages.) Rather a shame. I would love the opportunity to use my “are you addressing me, Creature?” scowl. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/13 "2025-06-07T00:02:54Z")
Applause ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/14 "2025-06-07T00:07:17Z")
If you can pull it off, this is a great way to shut down rando who starts talking to you, “I’m sorry, who the fuck are you?” It is amazing, it just ends any conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/15 "2025-06-07T00:08:43Z")
> [@Maus\_Magill](#): > > wearing enough foundation and eyeliner to make a drag queen do a double take Ah, yes, the typical roach scarer. The relevant _Bloom County_ strip doesn’t appear to be online, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/16 "2025-06-07T00:10:50Z")
No, no, no Spidey…I put the googlie eyes on round things I saw around town. Everything should be able to see. My CT. All this happened before the ugly disaster happened. I couldn’t look googlie eyes in the Eye anymore, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/17 "2025-06-07T01:05:15Z")
Oh come on. What could be better than a squash with googly eyes? [![](https://greenwoodsoftware.com/misc/bayliss.png) ](https://greenwoodsoftware.com/misc/bayliss.png) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/18 "2025-06-07T01:20:38Z")
> [@Maus\_Magill](#): > > I love doing that to busybodies. My new hero. > [@Maus\_Magill](#): > > “You know,” she said dripping superiority from every syllable, “Breast milk _is_ best.” I got that a few times when I’d get baby formula for my adopted baby. I know what it feels like! ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/19 "2025-06-07T01:26:48Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > No, no, no Spidey…I put the googlie eyes on round things I saw around town. Oranges are round, heads of broccoli are round > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > All this happened before the ugly disaster happened. > I couldn’t look googlie eyes in the Eye anymore, so to speak. Alright, spill, darlin’; what happened??? ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219/20 "2025-06-07T01:44:50Z")
Nomination seconded. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-shattered-my-doctors-mind-in-krogers/1019219.md?page=2)