# I spanked the monkey at 280 miles per hour! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 9, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367 "2001-11-09T04:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/1 "2001-11-09T04:48:26Z")
And I did it [here](http://www.vectorlounge.com/04_amsterdam/jam/flamjam.html). ::wanders off to ice wrist:: ---
**Author:** ![ski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@ski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ski)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/2 "2001-11-09T05:26:35Z")
**323** mph here! Ooh, that hurts. ---
**Author:** ![ski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@ski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ski)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/3 "2001-11-09T05:28:52Z")
okay, 699 mph. That’s got to be a fluke weird timing error, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Opus1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/858c86/32.png) [@Opus1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opus1)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/4 "2001-11-09T05:32:22Z")
I dunno. I just got 847 after numerous attempts in the 50-100 range. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/5 "2001-11-09T05:33:52Z")
362, and I didn’t even limber up first. ---
**Author:** ![Earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/90db22/32.png) [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/6 "2001-11-09T05:41:12Z")
769 MPH. I’m a supersonic spanker. ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/7 "2001-11-09T06:03:16Z")
639 I need to work on my spanking technique, I am a touch slow. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/8 "2001-11-09T06:10:30Z")
I can’t spank it more than 100 MPH. I have an optical mouse, and when I try to move it fast, the cursor screws up and flies in every direction EXCPEPT the one I move it in. Sheese. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/9 "2001-11-09T07:01:43Z")
454 mph! Though it took a little practice first. There’s something disturbingly addictive about that game… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/10 "2001-11-09T08:28:00Z")
Is there any level differentiation? Like if I break 300 does something different happen than if I break 200? ---
**Author:** ![whatmove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecc23a/32.png) [@whatmove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatmove)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/11 "2001-11-09T08:29:57Z")
279 is all I’ve got. I’ll try to Spank it all night, though. ---
**Author:** ![Mikahw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Mikahw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikahw)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/12 "2001-11-09T08:38:47Z")
561 is my highest so far. Come to think of it, I must be quite easily entertained. Must…spank…monkey…again. ---
**Author:** ![Wump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed655f/32.png) [@Wump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wump)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/13 "2001-11-09T08:58:40Z")
521 Mph!! but then i kinda cheated… i took out the mouse ball and moved the internal wheel with my finger… i like to spank the monkey as fast as possible. If that requires a different technique, by george i’ll be the first to try it. ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/14 "2001-11-09T10:05:35Z")
390 here…God what a time waster! * * * ~She’s not crazy…Just a little misunderstood -Better Than Ezra ---
**Author:** ![Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Tiki_God)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/15 "2001-11-09T10:21:20Z")
So far the best I’ve managed is 413 but I’m not much of a monkey spanker. I think it’s cruel… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/16 "2001-11-09T11:29:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bouv \* > \*\*I can’t spank it more than 100 MPH. I have an optical mouse, and when I try to move it fast, the cursor screws up and flies in every direction EXCPEPT the one I move it in. \*\* Same problem here with my cordless optical. I got it up (heh) to 245mph on my third try, but I haven’t been able to top 120 since. Phooey. Gosh, **KKB** , hasn’t your poor monkey had enough? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/17 "2001-11-09T11:39:50Z")
2989 mph. Come on, ask me how. Please ask me how. ---
**Author:** ![Joyfulgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f04885/32.png) [@Joyfulgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joyfulgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/18 "2001-11-09T11:49:00Z")
How? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/19 "2001-11-09T12:14:29Z")
I figured it out. First, go to the Control Panel and set your mouse pointer speed to the fastest. Then click on the glove, drag it all the way over to the left side of the monkey-spanking window… then move the moust OFF the window (the glove will stay in one place). Then, keeping the mouse outside the window (make sure that you keep the left-click pressed through all this), drag the pointer all the way around to the other side of the monkey. As soon as the pointer re-enters the monkey-spanking window, the glove will zoom over to it ASAP. Since the monkey will be between the pointer and the glove, this will result in a really really REALLY high monkey-spanking speed. Make sure that you keep the pointer and the glove alligned parallel with the screen. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/20 "2001-11-09T12:18:15Z")
Oh, let’s see the SLOWEST that you’ve managed to spank it. Thus far, I’ve only been able to get as low as 52 MPH. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367.md?page=2)