# I spanked the monkey at 280 miles per hour! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 9, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367 "2001-11-09T04:48:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/21 "2001-11-09T12:31:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > Gosh, **KKB** , hasn’t your poor monkey had enough? 😉 After Kantalooppi’s post, I’m inclined to say so. I haven’t been able to get above 320, personally. Barring the monkey and mouse exploitation method, I think I need a mousepad to get my speed up. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/22 "2001-11-09T13:22:40Z")
The best I could do was 60 mph. Damn, I hate getting old ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/23 "2001-11-09T13:56:52Z")
First try, 333. Best so far, 428. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/24 "2001-11-09T14:29:13Z")
My drawing tablet just doesn’t have the speed capabilities. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/25 "2001-11-09T14:57:19Z")
Since I’m always willing to research new monkspank methods, I tried SPOOFE’s technique but didn’t change my mouse speed. Result: 1044 mph I could, however, only spank right-to-left and not left-to-right. Maybe some more research is in order… ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/26 "2001-11-09T15:09:33Z")
528 on my first go-round. Hmmmm… and I don’t even have all that much practice… -BK ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/27 "2001-11-09T15:20:57Z")
1635Mph. I figured out the same method as SPOOFE…I’ve nicknamed it, the " Backhanded Bitch Slap". 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/28 "2001-11-09T16:26:11Z")
2093! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/29 "2001-11-09T16:31:27Z")
> [@](#): > > I spanked the monkey at 280 miles per hour! Wouldn’t that chafe? Stupid IBM finger button isn’t built for speed. ---
**Author:** ![TheNewbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/db5fbb/32.png) [@TheNewbie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNewbie)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/30 "2001-11-09T17:13:57Z")
Do you think I’ll get in trouble for spanking the monkey at work?? 768mph here ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/31 "2001-11-09T18:32:09Z")
Small addendum to SPOOFE’s technique: You don’t have to keep the left mouse button pressed while dragging the pointer around. There, I’ve made my contribution. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/32 "2001-11-09T19:15:43Z")
I got 466 using SPOOFE’s technique. I got as low as 52 as well. ---
**Author:** ![EricLee31](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a183cd/32.png) [@EricLee31](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EricLee31)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/33 "2001-11-09T20:17:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CheapBastid \* > \*\*2093! \*\* 2109, you…bastid! I think I have a torn rotator cuff… ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/34 "2001-11-09T21:02:54Z")
I got **2107** using **SPOOFE’s** technique. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/35 "2001-11-10T00:29:27Z")
295, but using the **SPOOFE Technique[sup]TM[/sup]**, I only get it up to 309. I think I’m doing something wrong. ---
**Author:** ![moronmountain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@moronmountain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moronmountain)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/36 "2001-11-10T00:57:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Oh, let’s see the SLOWEST that you’ve managed to spank it. Thus far, I’ve only been able to get as low as 52 MPH. \*\* Rookie…I got it down to 51 mph…but I only started going for slowest because I couldn’t get the backhanded bitch slap method to work… ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367/37 "2001-11-10T01:58:25Z")
I have a “roller ball” mouse and I could sit here spanking that monkey all night!!! LMAO FTR, I’m not a guy. =)~ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-spanked-the-monkey-at-280-miles-per-hour/92367.md?page=1)