# "I still love my ex, but she is not my friend." **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 18, 2018, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818 "2018-08-18T01:16:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2018, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/21 "2018-08-20T23:46:12Z")
Makes sense to me. Love is a collection of feelings you have about a person, that makes you care about them and wish them well. For them to be your friend, though, they have to be willing not to stab you in the eye on sight. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/22 "2018-08-21T01:09:01Z")
Going thru a divorce. I love my sometime soon to be ex, but she is no longer my friend. She hasn’t been my friend for a while, and that’s part of our issues. ---
**Author:** ![Emergency911](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/43a26b/32.png) [@Emergency911](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emergency911)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/23 "2018-08-21T01:41:09Z")
Another vote for “that makes sense”. As Ambivalid said, it’s hard to understand unless you have lived through it. I still remember all the reasons that caused me to marry my ex wife. I still remember all of the good times. It just got to the point that the bad times started to out number the good and it just kept going down hill. I never wanted to see her suffer and we both figured out that we were better off divorcing. That decision took some years to sink in, but either way, it did and we could be friendly with each other. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/24 "2018-08-21T20:51:01Z")
> [@as\_u\_wish](#): > > It all depends on how you define your terms, doesn’t it? > > I love my ex - I wish him well. I hope he has a good life. I am happy when I hear good things, sad when I hear he is suffering. There is no residual anger or resentment. I care much more about his welfare than I do for a stranger. Rather like a cousin or aunt or uncle who I see at reunions. > > We are not friends - we don’t do things together any more or talk over important issues. Like a college roommate - good memories, but no longer a close part of each other’s lives. > > If you define love differently (sexual attraction, desire for emotional intimacy, exclusivity), well, then, no I don’t love him that way. If you define friendship differently (follow casually on Facebook, glad to see each other when we run into each other), well, yes, then we are friends. So, to employ the Greek terms, “philadelphia” as opposed to “eros”? That makes sense to me. English should take a hint from Greek and have different words for the various forms of love. I love my wife, I love my kids, I love my mom and sisters, I love cheesecake. All true statements, but each very different! ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/25 "2018-08-21T20:56:31Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > So, to employ the Greek terms, “philadelphia” as opposed to “eros”? The Greek term you may be looking for is _philia_ (from which we do get Philadelphia, or “city of brotherly love”). The Greek term _agape_ may also be appropriate here, as it’s unconditional love, like the love that a parent has for their child (and, apparently, a spouse). Thomas Aquinas called this sort “to will the good of another.” > **[Greek words for love](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love)** > > Ancient Greek philosophy differentiates main conceptual forms and distinct words for the Modern English word love: agápē, érōs, philía, philautía, storgē, and xenía. > Though there are more Greek words for love, variants and possibly subcategories, a general summary considering these Ancient Greek concepts is: ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2018, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/26 "2018-08-23T02:14:59Z")
Describes my relationship with my ex wife to a tee. She’s the mother of my daughter, but I sure as hell would never want to live with her again. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2018, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818/27 "2018-08-23T03:13:12Z")
I think the statement makes perfect sense. Context defines how. Several versions upthread offer reasonable explanations; another would be: “I still love my ex” = exactly that. Shared experiences, passion, sexual attraction (not necessarily in that order) mean that there is an undeniable pull toward a person. “She is not my friend” = the bitch LEFT me!!! How could she sever our relationship when I loved her so? I’m too damn angry to be her friend! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-still-love-my-ex-but-she-is-not-my-friend/819818.md?page=1)