# I think death is like falling asleep and never waking up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2017, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574 "2017-08-24T18:00:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/41 "2017-08-27T17:29:55Z")
> [@racer72](#): > > I watched 2 others die about 28 years ago, my mother and mother in law. Both died in a similar manner to my aunt, a slow painful death from cancer. This gave me the strength to quit smoking, that is not the way I want to go. If I choose a manner to pass, it would be like my grandmother. Go to bed one evening and never wake up. Or as the joke goes, I want to go like my grandfather, heart stops and die on the spot. Not screaming or yelling like the passengers on his bus. My wife passed unexpectedly three years ago, likely sometime in the morning after I left for work. She was fast asleep when I left for work and was in the same position when I found her in bed later that evening. There are so many things I would like to have said to her before she went away- so many lost opportunities to tell her how important she was to me, how much I loved her. Having lost two family members to cancer in the past, I contrasted the way I felt about losing my wife to losing them since with my family members we knew the time was coming soon and I was able to have conversations with them about what they had meant to me and how much I appreciated their presence in my life. With my wife the end was sudden and unexpected that so many things were left unsaid. A few months after I lost my wife, I did a service for a very tragic case. A grandmother had been walking across the street with her grandchildren following a church Christmas performance and was struck by an inebriated driver along with a groud of other churchgoers. In the end 4 people- including young children - were killed and 9 severely injured. At the funeral service, outside of the church was a ever-growing ad hoc memorial with flowers, cards and photographs. It occurred to me while looking at the memorial that compared to my client’s grandmother who’s last moments of life were spent in fear, shock and severe pain, my wife suffered no fear or pain having passed in her sleep. Perhaps in a way my wife was very fortunate. I have since struggled with the concept of my own inevitable death. Would I prefer to unexpectedly albeit peacefully die in bed (hopefully after a good meal, several glasses of wine and some awesomely great sex)? Or would I prefer to know that the end was near due to a long term health issue so that I would have the time to speak with my family and prepare for the inevitable? Of course for purely selfish reasons I would prefer the former, however I believe it might actually be easier on my loved ones if they expected my death- not in some esoteric “everybody dies someday” kind of way, but in an immediate real way, such as due to a terminal disease. I have yet to make up my mind though if I should make it past 80 I will consciously live and behave as though I am going to die (because I will eventually) and will endeavor to have all those important conversations, make my own desires and requests known to my loved ones and in a general sense try my best to live every day as if it was going to be my last ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/42 "2017-08-27T18:12:04Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Had a friend tell me he was thinking of “ending it all” and the first words out of my mouth were “But it _won’t_ be the end, it’ll keep going on without you. I know you–you never like to be left out. Don’t you want to see how it works out? What the next big thing’ll be?” Not a solipsist, I see. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/43 "2017-08-27T18:22:47Z")
I think death is more like turning off a light switch. Whatever we are ceases to be. No afterlife, no dreams, no nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/44 "2017-08-27T18:30:54Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Or [Detroit](https://media.giphy.com/media/10lsmwoANdI7PW/giphy-downsized-large.gif). W.C. Fields said it best: > [@](#): > > Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/45 "2017-08-27T20:16:43Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Had a friend tell me he was thinking of “ending it all” and the first words out of my mouth were “But it _won’t_ be the end, it’ll keep going on without you. I know you–you never like to be left out. Don’t you want to see how it works out? What the next big thing’ll be?” “It will happen to all of that at some point you’ll be tapped on the shoulder and told, not just that the party is over, but slightly worse: the party’s going on but you have to leave.” (Christopher Hitchens) Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Weisshund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba8739/32.png) [@Weisshund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weisshund)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/46 "2017-08-28T00:53:03Z")
Nothing ever dies in the universe, nothing. It only changes form. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/47 "2017-08-28T01:44:26Z")
… and on that note… g’nite folks!! ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/48 "2017-08-28T12:04:46Z")
> [@race\_to\_the\_bottom](#): > > I think death is the worse possible thing that can happen to a person and is the ultimate tragedy. I think that many people sometimes feel that “they” would be better off dead, apparently not understanding “they” wouldn’t exist to be better off. I have a hard time understanding why they don’t understand this. Maybe you haven’t seen the misery of people who are living with intractable pain or debilitating illness. People who are likely to die soon anyway. If you know you only have a few weeks or months left, and they’re likely to be miserable, why not bail early? **Standingwave** ’s Hitchens quote is relevant: the party will go on without you, but if it’s a crummy party, why would you feel any reluctance about leaving? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/49 "2017-08-28T13:41:47Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > the party will go on without you, but if it’s a crummy party, why would you feel any reluctance about leaving? ‘Don’t you know the game is rigged?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘So why do you play it?’ ‘It’s the only game in town.’ (But I understand what you’re saying. I just don’t think it would be my choice.) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/50 "2017-08-28T14:18:12Z")
> [@race\_to\_the\_bottom](#): > > I think death is the worse possible thing that can happen to a person and is the ultimate tragedy. I think that many people sometimes feel that “they” would be better off dead, apparently not understanding “they” wouldn’t exist to be better off. I have a hard time understanding why they don’t understand this. Keep in mind that plenty of people believe in (and/or hope for) an afterlife that’s better than this one. > [@](#): > > To me, this is just incomprehensible. What makes peoples’ lives so miserable or uninteresting it creates this attitude? We are participating in an incredible adventure possibly unique in the Universe. We are watching a drama which may exist nowhere else. Why would anyone want to check out, to leave the theater before the curtain comes down. Why not stick around to see if the Universe ends in heat death, the Big Crunch, or the Big Rip, which actually seems the most likely. Why leave now, just when we have discovered gravitational waves and we will probably be able to detect those created in the Big Bang. “No, I am sorry, life is so miserable, I think I will just end it and go to a better place”. Christ! I do think you’re onto something here: that **curiosity** is one of the things that makes life worth living, and that maintaining a healthy curiosity about the world is one of the things that can motivate people to stick around. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/51 "2017-08-28T23:46:14Z")
Thanks, all, for indulging in a rather macabre idea of mine. > [@Baker](#): > > But whatever happens, I know that when I die I’ll be in the presence of God forever. No more worries, no pain, just blessedness. Please don’t take my reply as being at all dismissive of this belief. To the contrary, I envy it. But this just doesn’t make any sense to me. When you say “I”, do you mean the same person who exists today, who carries around memories of childhood? When you are in God’s presence, is it a physical presence? Can you look down and see your hands and feet? And are you alone? Are you one of billions of people nudging to get to the center of the room? The actual manifestation of this (common)belief is something I can’t get my mind around. Never mind the “forever” part. That’s a really, really long time. Even blessedness can get boring if it’s never ending. That was the reason I abandoned the idea of heaven as a kid - I could never grasp the concept of billions, or trillions, of years of just “existing”. [QUOTE=Face Intentionally Left Blank] …Mostly, I cannot conceive of not existing - I understand it, but can’t wrap my head around the end of thoughts, memory and learning, the end to sensory input and seemingly to me, linear time… [/QUOTE] Have you ever had a deep sleep, where you were “dead to the world”? Hours passed, people were out and about, and it passed like a snap of the fingers to you. That’s what I imagine it is like. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/52 "2017-08-29T05:20:05Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Keep in mind that plenty of people believe in (and/or hope for) an afterlife that’s better than this one. They are only kidding themselves. ---
**Author:** ![FluffyBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@FluffyBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FluffyBob)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/53 "2017-08-29T05:47:12Z")
> [@race\_to\_the\_bottom](#): > > I think death is the worse possible thing that can happen to a person and is the ultimate tragedy. I think that many people sometimes feel that “they” would be better off dead, apparently not understanding “they” wouldn’t exist to be better off. I have a hard time understanding why they don’t understand this. I think it is because it is impossible to imagine one’s own nonexistence. Also, if you take surveys asking people if they would like to live forever, [many say no.](http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/future_tense/2013/08/aging_polls_and_life_extension_why_don_t_americans_want_to_live_longer.html) > To me, this is just incomprehensible. What makes peoples’ lives so miserable or uninteresting it creates this attitude? We are participating in an incredible adventure possibly unique in the Universe. We are watching a drama which may exist nowhere else. Why would anyone want to check out, to leave the theater before the curtain comes down. Why not stick around to see if the Universe ends in heat death, the Big Crunch, or the Big Rip, which actually seems the most likely. Why leave now, just when we have discovered gravitational waves and we will probably be able to detect those created in the Big Bang. “No, I am sorry, life is so miserable, I think I will just end it and go to a better place”. Christ! Strange, I can think of many worse things than the end of personal existence. What is so important about the self? Why are you so attached to it, is it really because you want to know about the heat death of the universe? Or is it just because self is a conceptual framework you need for living. What is so bloody important about you (or me)? If death bothers you so much are you afraid of sleep too? Sure, you expect to wake up again when you fall asleep, but you would never know the fucking difference if you did not wake up. I have seen enough suffering and misery around me in my life, all you have to do is look around. Life can be fucking hell. Nature is animals eating each other alive for frickin breakfast. Chronic pain, dementia, trauma, mental illness are all things that can quickly make some abstract curiosity like the heat death of the universe into completely meaningless bullshit. Dying itself is often a horrible painful experience. Yes the world is beautiful and there is much to celebrate and experience but that does not mean that the end of your existence is the most horrible thing. At some point it is time to let go of it, all the beauty, all the pain, all the wonder. It can go on just fine without you. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/54 "2017-08-29T14:22:21Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > But what does that mean, from my perspective? My best guess is that death is quite similar to deep sleep, in that time passes without you noticing. Except, instead of 7 or 8 hours of obliviousness, it’s forever. First, never say this to a child. Also, there is brain activity in sleep. In death, not so much. Nothing similar at all. It’s like the difference between turning down the volume on a radio and cutting the power cord off. ---
**Author:** ![Razncain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@Razncain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Razncain)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/55 "2017-08-29T18:16:51Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > But I freely admit that I have no proof about any of this, and it’s all just a hunch. One I would be very pleased to be wrong about. Seem like we have more than a hunch that that is the way it is. And it depends, surely you wouldn’t want the biblical god to be the actual one in charge, would ya? Best to concentrate on the things we can change, sort of like the serenity prayer, but obviously leave God out of the equation. Doesn’t concern me in the least if I turned out to be wrong, if there ever was an omnibenevolent God in charge, he’d forgive us all because that’s his job. But could we ever forgive him? I couldn’t, unless I became a drone. > [@](#): > > I really don’t want to go on this ride, even though I know it is coming. Death is something I fear, even though I believe that my fear is over the moment I die. I sincerely and truly have no fear of death. Dying, OTOH, gives me some concern, not a whole lot, but some scenarios are obviously preferred over others. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/56 "2017-08-29T18:59:46Z")
I have it on good authority that, after you come into and insubstantial existence 3 million years in the future with a shiny “H” on your forehead, you will well know that death is like being on a holiday with a bunch of Germans. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574/57 "2017-08-29T22:10:02Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > I have it on good authority that, after you come into and insubstantial existence 3 million years in the future with a shiny “H” on your forehead, you will well know that death is like being on a holiday with a bunch of Germans. Having dealt with too many German tourists in SF, I am now eating healthy and working out so I can put this off as long as possible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-death-is-like-falling-asleep-and-never-waking-up/794574.md?page=2)