# i think i hate my boyfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 2, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113 "2009-05-02T20:03:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/221 "2009-05-12T11:56:30Z")
I do agree that you should break up with him now, but I also think you’d better have an idea of what you are going do for the next 2 months. Specifically, I’d go the “completely avoid him” route. You say most of your friends are around the world, so you still have some nearby, right? Spend as much time with them as you can. Take up a new hobby if necessary. Just don’t be anywhere near the guy while you are grieving. Oh, and treat yourself. Do things that only single women can do. I’m sure you can think of some. Do something extra special for yourself as a reward. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/222 "2009-05-12T13:45:40Z")
Whatever you decide, best of luck. Another vote for “do eet now!” ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/223 "2009-05-12T14:26:24Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I do agree that you should break up with him now, but I also think you’d better have an idea of what you are going do for the next 2 months. Specifically, I’d go the “completely avoid him” route. You say most of your friends are around the world, so you still have some nearby, right? Spend as much time with them as you can. Take up a new hobby if necessary. Just don’t be anywhere near the guy while you are grieving. > > Oh, and treat yourself. Do things that only single women can do. I’m sure you can think of some. Do something extra special for yourself as a reward. I heartily second this post and recommend that you read “[It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken](http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/itscalledabreakup.htm)”. Though fluffy and humourous, this book contains [common sense advice](http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/breakup_advice.htm) on dealing with your heartache and confusion, tips on [how to fend off depression](http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/advice_icecream.htm) and avoid driving your friends away with endless post-breakup wallowing (oh, I’ve been there) and, most importantly, how not backslide into [the relationship you so correctly ended](http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/advice_better.htm). The chapter entitled “[Don’t See Him Or Talk To Him For Sixty Days](http://www.randomhouse.com/broadway/breakup/advice_sixtydays.htm)” has your name written all over it. **phoenixundone** , I wish you luck, love and happiness. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/224 "2009-05-12T16:44:40Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > IDealing with a narcissist (a real one - I’m not just namecalling [though I am namecalling too]) has taught me many things. Unfortunately. My narcissist is really trying to change, supposedly, and he is in therapy, and still the things that don’t occur to him (like about other people existing for reasons that don’t pertain to him) are mind-boggling. OMG, I sooooo know how you feel! Just keep one thing in mind - they can, in therapy, learn to act better and treat people better, and a narcissist can truly want to be a good person. But in the end, actual empathy either forms at a certain developmental stage or it doesn’t. So if you are staying in it waiting for a therapy outcome to make life livable, keep in mind that true empathy is not forthcoming. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2009, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/225 "2009-05-12T20:22:50Z")
**phoenixundone** appears to have no self-respect. I have little respect… for people with no self-respect. Her boyfriend recognizes this. And uses her to the nth degree. I have no respect for him. In a nutshell, I have no respect for either of them. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/226 "2009-05-20T05:05:24Z")
Hey, **Pheonix** , any update? Wishing you well… ---
**Author:** ![IGotNothin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ebca7d/32.png) [@IGotNothin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IGotNothin)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/227 "2009-05-20T05:55:57Z")
He sounds a lot like my ex. Only I didn’t give him permission to sleep around. Yeah he’s using you, you know that, he knows that, we all know it. Unfortunately, you have to show him your serious. Tell him your done, then stop doing everything that he expects from you (short of hygiene), and see how he handles that. You have to not just say the words but mean them, and to mean them you have to show it with actions. Stop cooking for him, stop cleaning for him, he’s a big boy he can do it himself, your not his mommy. And if you feel guilty for not doing the things he expects, hold on to that anger. Anger can be a really good motivator, it will out weigh all the other emotions. Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/228 "2009-05-20T15:50:56Z")
> [@IGotNothin](#): > > He sounds a lot like my ex. Only I didn’t give him permission to sleep around. Yeah he’s using you, you know that, he knows that, we all know it. Unfortunately, you have to show him your serious. Tell him your done, then stop doing everything that he expects from you (short of hygiene), and see how he handles that. You have to not just say the words but mean them, and to mean them you have to show it with actions. Stop cooking for him, stop cleaning for him, he’s a big boy he can do it himself, your not his mommy. And if you feel guilty for not doing the things he expects, hold on to that anger. Anger can be a really good motivator, it will out weigh all the other emotions. Good Luck! I was with you until “and see how he handles that”. The last thing **phoenixundone** should be concerned with is how her ex (and I fervently hope he’s her ex by now) handles _anything_. Like you said, she’s not his mommy so she should cut him out of her life like the cancer he is instead of hanging around trying to motivate him with anger. ---
**Author:** ![sjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@sjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjones)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/229 "2013-04-28T23:15:10Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > It stops at 22? I must have missed that step… 😃 No men will ALWAYS want to fuck other women, I am yet to meet a man who longs for a meaningful relationship and only want to sleep with one person. Still searching though… ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/230 "2013-04-28T23:47:56Z")
I can’t believe I wasted 15 minutes reading a 4-year-old zombie thread before I realized it. :rolleyes: Hope she’s found a better relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/231 "2013-04-29T00:43:32Z")
> [@sjones](#): > > No men will ALWAYS want to fuck other women, I am yet to meet a man who longs for a meaningful relationship and only want to sleep with one person. > > Still searching though… Check a graveyard. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/232 "2013-04-29T09:17:35Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > 1. > 1. 3l. 4. 5. 6. Yes. Let me add, that this is the way to dump him without fucking him over. If you want to destroy him, his life, and his future, you can try putting a lot more effort into leaving him, and being a “friend”, but if you don’t want to try that, (and it might not succeed anyway) then just 1.2.3.4.5.6. If you explain that you really like him, and want to be his friend, and are dumping him anyway, then either (A) he doesn’t believe you, and it’s a waste of effort, or (B) he does believe you, and thinks that hurting people is what friends do. I’m not talking about being cruel to be kind: I’m telling you how to be kind to be kind, because if you think you hate your boyfriend, you are in no position to make any kind of sensible judgement about how to be kind to him. If he asks Why? You can tell him you aren’t his friend anymore, and you don’t have to answer. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/233 "2013-04-29T10:37:37Z")
> [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](#): > > Check a graveyard. Love it. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/234 "2013-04-29T10:47:47Z")
[I done broke up with the boyfriend!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=518316)was the follow up thread, in case anyone is wondering what happened all those years ago. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113/235 "2013-04-29T12:21:36Z")
Welcome to the SDMB, **sjones**. If you want to discuss your perspective on gender interaction, I’m sure you can find a more current thread. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-hate-my-boyfriend/495113.md?page=11)