# I think I inadvertently met my girlfriend's physical boyfriend today **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330 "2010-12-16T04:05:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/21 "2010-12-16T05:28:15Z")
You’re not her boyfriend. The guy who’s fucking her is her boyfriend. The xkcd cartoon nails this. You do not want to be the emotionally supportive friend who never gets into her pants. That is the province of losers (not that plenty of us haven’t been there, but you don’t have to stay there). She doesn’t see you as a whole man. All that talk about sex “taking away from the mental aspects” of a relationship is complete, unadulterated, USDA certified pure pullshit crap. She’s just not that into you, dude. Face reality. If she was into you, she’d do you. This whole deal of being the pining, supportive friend never turns out well. Have some self-respect and walk away from this. Trust me when I say there are girls who will fuck you _and_ be good intellectual/emotional partners. It happens all the time. It’s the stuff that real relationships are made of. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/22 "2010-12-16T05:35:35Z")
double post ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/23 "2010-12-16T05:38:05Z")
> [@Keith\_Berry](#): > > Agreed, this has to be some kind of joke…cause if it isn’t, well, I don’t think any kind of comment or advice can help. Well, having been friends with a guy who apparently decided we were dating without ever having asked me out, I think it’s possible that the OP is real. But sad. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > All that talk about sex “taking away from the mental aspects” of a relationship is complete, unadulterated, USDA certified pure pullshit crap. She’s just not that into you, dude. Interesting phrasing, because in _He’s Just Not That Into You_ it says pretty much the same things about guys: any guys who say they “don’t want to ruin the friendship” by dating are just as full of shit. Apparently PSXer has fallen victim to the chick equivilent of that common guy brush off. ---
**Author:** ![Keith\_Berry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@Keith\_Berry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keith_Berry)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/24 "2010-12-16T05:49:19Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Well, having been friends with a guy who apparently decided we were dating without ever having asked me out, I think it’s possible that the OP is real. But sad. I agree, if it is real, it’s a pretty sad story…and one that we all might be familar with in one aspect or another. I had a friend back in college who had a similar relationship with a (much younger) girl. He had a really unhealthy obsession with her that was based on the most casual kind of friendship. She did have sex with him once, though, before stringing him along as some kind of “spiritual brother”----yes, that was the phrase she used, according to him----and running around fucking all kinds of guys while letting him believe that the possibility of a relationship was always just around the corner. She knew that he had it bad for her, but she would still call him and tell him all the details about the other guys she was with. He was getting so mentally unhinged about it all that I actually called her and told her if she kept playing him, he was liable to do something stupid. Thankfully, she took my advice and gave him a firm dismissal…which I really respected her for doing in a pragmatic, impersonal manner. It plunged him into a depression for a few months, but he recovered, and was a more mature person for it. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/25 "2010-12-16T06:13:13Z")
If you want to get this girl, you’re going to have to get her thinking about you in a different way. For this, I recommend falling back on a classic: put a potato in your pants. In the back. Trust me on this. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/26 "2010-12-16T06:24:00Z")
Show her your laser disc player. Bitches love a laser disc player. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/27 "2010-12-16T06:24:26Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > What do you guys think? Don’t ask! This isn’t the Pit, and a Mod says he’s watchin’. So I can’t tell you! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/28 "2010-12-16T06:45:19Z")
Next time you meet up with her look her straight in the eye and say: “hey Jennifer, you know that sweet pussy isn’t going to eat itself.” ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/29 "2010-12-16T07:28:45Z")
I think the OP has crossed the bizzareness Rubicon. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/30 "2010-12-16T07:43:14Z")
Is this a joke or are you not joking? Yeah, that is probably the physical boyfriend. But I don’t know if you are the mental boyfriend, more the guy she uses when she needs emotional support. I’d recommend not getting too emotionally involved with a woman who does stuff like this. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/31 "2010-12-16T08:13:06Z")
[XKCD.com](http://XKCD.com) and Diogenes nailed it. Listen, all of us have been in that situation, and it sucks. There’s no getting around it though, if she was into you she’d be fucking your brains out. The fact that both of them laughed at you (LAUGHED! TO YOUR FACE!) when you figured it out shows the true lack of respect for you. You need to tell her it’s not going to work out, and cut off all contact. And stop with the gifts! All she sees is you’re a fount of money for gifts. You are her chump, and chumps never win. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/32 "2010-12-16T08:40:41Z")
The fact that she laughed at you when you asked her about this guy should tell you all you need to know about how much she cares about your feelings – which is not at all. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/33 "2010-12-16T10:44:59Z")
Oh, please. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/34 "2010-12-16T11:09:27Z")
**PSXer** : Has she ever said that she loves you? Because from your explanation in the OP, you’re the one doing all the loving. This isn’t a relationship. This is some kind of Age of Chivalry courtly love bullshit where you’re expected to jump through hoops and she just has to sit there looking pretty in one of those pointy hats. Only in this scenario your fair lady is apparently off boinking the blacksmith. If you’re happy with this scenario, fine, but the sooner you realise that she’s not your girlfriend the better. You are aware that you can have a friend who is a girl without her being a girlfriend, right? There’s no need to put her on a pedestal. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/35 "2010-12-16T11:23:54Z")
remember, when a woman says she wants a “sensitive, caring man” she’s not talking about who she wants to date. It’s who she wants to go crying to when the jerk she’s actually dating treats her like shit. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/36 "2010-12-16T11:31:50Z")
Either that or she actually _does_ want a sensitive, caring man… just not you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/37 "2010-12-16T11:46:26Z")
> [@Double\_Foolscap](#): > > Either that or she actually _does_ want a sensitive, caring man… just not you. She might want a sensitive, caring man who also happens to be rather easy on the eyes and socially bold. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/38 "2010-12-16T11:55:57Z")
**PSXer** , I would hope that the overwhelming consensus of opinion here is having some impact upon you and that you will seriously reconsider your relationship with this girl. And by “reconsider” I mean “abandon any hope of”. She is not merely putting you off; she is being actively malicious to you and you are ignoring it and enduring it in the vain hope that your relationship with her will change for the better. It won’t. It will only get worse and worse until either you give up or you do something _really_ stupid and get arrested (or worse). Go find someone else who isn’t cruel. She is not worth it, and you can do better. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/39 "2010-12-16T12:07:56Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > She might want a sensitive, caring man who also happens to be rather easy on the eyes and socially bold. so, a sensitive, caring jerk? ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/40 "2010-12-16T12:15:28Z")
**PSXer:** I would like to know what you think of the advice you’ve been given so far. Is it good or are you still swimming in that big Egyptian river? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330.md?page=3)