# I think I inadvertently met my girlfriend's physical boyfriend today **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330 "2010-12-16T04:05:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/41 "2010-12-16T12:43:52Z")
> [@](#): > > Being the mental boyfriend, I am there for emotional support and having a rich relationship. That’s called being a friend. You understand that, right? > [@](#): > > She wanted me to stay a pure virgin and love her as much as I always did. What a manipulative person. She may not even realise it, it sounds a bit like you’re both confused about how relationships work. But what kind of relationship is it where one is allowed a physical partner and one isn’t? > [@](#): > > She told me I shouldn’t know who it is because it will mess up the dynamics of our relationship for when we get married. So your friend has said she will marry you, and yet she doesn’t want a physical relationship with you, whilst she goes bonking her ‘physical boyfriend’ on the side? How do you expect this to play out? ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/42 "2010-12-16T12:49:20Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > so, a sensitive, caring jerk? Socially bold =/= jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/43 "2010-12-16T13:41:37Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Listen, all of us have been in that situation, and it sucks. Really? God I hope you’re just trying to make him feel better and this situation isn’t as common as you’re suggesting because you’re killing my hope that the human race has some chance of survival. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/44 "2010-12-16T13:43:50Z")
> [@Double\_Foolscap](#): > > Socially bold =/= jerk. they tend to go together. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/45 "2010-12-16T13:56:28Z")
> [@Double\_Foolscap](#): > > \ > There’s no need to put her on a pedestal. And remember, whenever you put a woman on a pedestal, she has no choice but to look down on you. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/46 "2010-12-16T14:08:36Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > Really? God I hope you’re just trying to make him feel better and this situation isn’t as common as you’re suggesting because you’re killing my hope that the human race has some chance of survival. No, I’m completely serious. However, I was in my teens when this happened and I hope I’ve learned a few things in the meantime. My broader meaning was we’ve all done stupid things for a girl/boy/whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/47 "2010-12-16T14:11:14Z")
The one flaw to your story (please pay more attention to believable detail in future stories) is that a guy was one full level above you and could look down to your small-ass android screen displaying a picture of you and the purported girlfriend, and recognize both of you from that picture. Unless the physical boyfriend is a hawk, I have to doubt your story. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/48 "2010-12-16T14:19:13Z")
Ooh - “Hawk” as a new word for hot guy - I like it! “Hey, check out that hawk over there!” ETA: Forgot that I wanted to say, when you say “physical boyfriend,” what you mean is “boyfriend.” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/49 "2010-12-16T14:21:38Z")
I don’t doubt he could convince himself the dude saw it. He’s probably scoping every guy in sight trying to figure out which one is porking his “mental girlfriend” and reading signs and tells into every other one. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/50 "2010-12-16T14:35:34Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > …whilst she goes bonking her ‘physical boyfriend’ on the side? > > How do you expect this to play out? One’s for ‘bonking’ and ones for ‘banking’? :smack: The OP is learning the hard way you can’t buy a relationship with gifts. I wonder if he has realised yet that if the $ suddenly ran out, so would she? **PSXer** , don’t take my advice. Whatever you do, don’t ‘Take the Jeep & Leave the Cuck-lady’. I mean, you still have money left so there’s still some hope, right? :rolleyes: Q: Is there no one in the OPs life to slap the back of the OPs head? ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/51 "2010-12-16T14:50:35Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > And remember, whenever you put a woman on a pedestal, she has no choice but to look down on you. Yes, but you get to look up her skirt. Win-win! Seriously, though, as someone who has been something of a doormat in the past (not to anywhere near the degree exhibited in the OP, though), the best thing to do is grow a spine and walk away. If she really cares about you, she’ll reach out, and you’ll have more respect from her, as well as a hell of a lot more from yourself. Then you can establish a relationship with her on more equal terms, whether that’s a friendship, or a romantic/sexual relationship. If she doesn’t… well, then she’s a manipulative, game-playing bitch who isn’t worth your time. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/52 "2010-12-16T15:48:17Z")
…and that’s why I’m glad I’m not in high school anymore. **PSXer** , this is the kind of stupid shit that people do when they’re still learning how to be in romantic relationships. Your “girlfriend” is being incredibly manipulative, whether she realizes it or not, and you should not consider yourself her boyfriend. Those dynamics of your relationship she’s talking about? They’re incredibly unhealthy and unbalanced right now. In this situation, you have given her lots of power over you, while gaining nothing. Meanwhile, she’s learning how to be a manipulative, emotionally abusive bitch. It would be better for both of you if you left her. You will regain your self-confidence, and she will learn that she has to respect her partners. Healthy adult relationships - even messy, polyamorous ones - don’t entail this amount of drama. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/53 "2010-12-16T16:05:25Z")
> [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > I don’t know, this is the guy who claims to give a [$5 tip to the person who tears his movie ticket in half](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=588651). > > That’s at least two threads he’s started which have made me go :dubious: They’re all fake OPs designed as hypothetical exercises. They’re supposed to be similar to **Skald’s** epic “What If… Hypothesis” threads, it’s just not explicitly stated. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/54 "2010-12-16T16:13:59Z")
**PSXer** - what everybody else said, but since you seem to need explicit, concrete words - not everybody in high school is fucking. Don’t go away from this thinking that if some girl down the line gives you a handjob but isn’t fucking you, it means there’s some other guy who is. But whatever physical stuff someone is comfortable with, whoever they’re doing it with is their boyfriend/girlfriend. You are not her boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/55 "2010-12-16T16:23:34Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > they tend to go together. Either that or you notice the brash jerks because they’re the ones yelling at the sport on the pub TV, dominating the conversation in mixed situations or hitting on all your mates in the discotheque. What you’re less likely to notice are the slimy guys, the passive aggressive whiny sad sacks, the emotional manipulaters with charming facades, and the hangers-on who’re hoping for a few scraps of affection because they think being nice means that women “owe” them. But this thread isn’t about the myriad ways people can be bastards, it’s about the turd sandwich of a relationship PSXer has gotten himself into, which is sadly not an atypical one. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/56 "2010-12-16T16:41:06Z")
> [@bup](#): > > **PSXer** - what everybody else said, but since you seem to need explicit, concrete words - not everybody in high school is fucking. Don’t go away from this thinking that if some girl down the line gives you a handjob but isn’t fucking you, it means there’s some other guy who is. But whatever physical stuff someone is comfortable with, whoever they’re doing it with is their boyfriend/girlfriend. You are not her boyfriend. Or some other version of “screwing around” that doesn’t raise to the level of boyfriend - Friend with Benefits, Hook Up You and she are free to define your relationship however you want. If you are comfortable and happy being her “emotional boyfriend” while she puts out for other guys because she “respects you” (but apparently not herself as much as she respects you) in the hope that at some future point she will decide to marry the nice, innocent guy she knows you are - cool. But society left the “there are girls you date and girls you marry” meme back in the 1970s. And for good reason. Your girlfirend/friend/woman-you-have-a-mad-crush-on-that-enjoys-stringing-you-along has a different standard for your behavior than for your own - that should be a clue that even if she decided you are “The One” - she isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/57 "2010-12-16T17:04:42Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > The OP is learning the hard way you can’t buy a relationship with gifts. I think what the OP is learning here is that it’s literally impossible to invent a story so sad and pathetic that some Dopers won’t swallow it whole. Also, for those who keep talking about high school, keep in mind that he claims to be in his third year of college. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/58 "2010-12-16T17:06:15Z")
I thought it was his friend who was in the third year of college. Clearly, he should suggest she have a threesome with him & his friend. (I’m very sad, even though I understand the reasoning, that one-off joke socks aren’t allowed - posting as PSXersFriend would be awesome). ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/59 "2010-12-16T17:35:12Z")
**PSXer** , do you plan on responding to people’s advice in your own thread? ---
**Author:** ![tpatsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tpatsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tpatsfan)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/60 "2010-12-16T17:45:25Z")
Your being used She is never going to marry you or sleep with you no matter how much you turn those thoughts and memories you have of the two of you in your head around. Your most likely just and easy target nice guy being walked all over and you buy her things and she likes that so until she finds Mr right or goes to college she is going to keep you around. Move on and find a real girlfriend who isn’t mental in the head like this girl is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330.md?page=4)