# I think I inadvertently met my girlfriend's physical boyfriend today **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330 "2010-12-16T04:05:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/121 "2010-12-17T01:09:07Z")
I can’t go to the gym because the only friend I had to go with graduated and moved away so I never see him anymore. I have no one else to go with and I can’t go alone. I read a lot but girls don’t wanna talk about Lee Harvey Oswald for some reason/ I don’t go out; I am boring and have no money. I try to look clean. Why does it matter how much I masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/122 "2010-12-17T01:10:31Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > she was not impressed by Catullus 97 Really? Not even the last line? This is very surprising to me. Like you, I would have definitely expected that to impress most young ladies. [QUOTE=Catullus 97] I SWEAR by the gods I didn’t think it mattered one straw whether I sniffed Aemilius’s head or his anus: neither was better or worse than the other; or rather his anus was the better and smarter of the two, for it has no teeth. His mouth has teeth half a yard long, gums, moreover, like an old cart-frame, with the kind of gape you’d find in summer on a mule’s vagina as she urinates. He has sex with many a woman and makes himself out a charmer, and yet he is not passed over to the grinding-mill and its ass. If any woman touches him, don’t we think that she is capable of licking the anus of a sick hangman? [/QUOTE] You’re obviously doing your best to impress her in good faith, I’m starting to think she has some sort of mental disorder. To overcome this, you may need to replace the potato with half a head of cauliflower. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/123 "2010-12-17T01:11:15Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > “Penius?” Is your penis Latin? It is actually. I was also using it to type which is why I mashed a couple keys. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/124 "2010-12-17T01:13:50Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I can’t go to the gym because the only friend I had to go with graduated and moved away so I never see him anymore. I have no one else to go with and I can’t go alone. > > I read a lot but girls don’t wanna talk about Lee Harvey Oswald for some reason/ > > I don’t go out; I am boring and have no money. > > I try to look clean. Why does it matter how much I masturbate? Do _not_ go to a gym! That is the last thing you should be doing. **Dewey Finn** is right about varying your masturbation, though. When you write a romantic letter to a lady, if all the stories of the times you masturbated to them sound the same, they’re going to get bored and stop reading. You need to spice it up to catch their interest. Do it standing up, or while doing a somersault. Maybe wear your mom’s clothes sometimes. That sort of stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/125 "2010-12-17T02:16:53Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I only know Latin and Ancient Greek. My college doesn’t offer Sanskrit, sadly. You need a transfer. And maybe a Metro Card. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/126 "2010-12-17T02:23:11Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It is actually. I was also using it to type which is why I mashed a couple keys. That’s a heck of a penius. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/127 "2010-12-17T02:41:30Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I can’t go to the gym because the only friend I had to go with graduated and moved away so I never see him anymore. I have no one else to go with and I can’t go alone. > > I read a lot but girls don’t wanna talk about Lee Harvey Oswald for some reason/ > > I don’t go out; I am boring and have no money. > > I try to look clean. Why does it matter how much I masturbate? it doesn’t matter. what does matter, however, is that you stop wasting everyone’s time with your bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/128 "2010-12-17T03:27:00Z")
This thread is the best waste of time I’ve had in weeks. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/129 "2010-12-17T04:07:30Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > She told me she ruined too many relationships because having sex with someone takes away from the mental aspect of the relationship. She wanted me to stay a pure virgin and love her as much as I always did. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaHAHAHAAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha…ha…ha.hah.ahahahaHAHAHAHAH!!! ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/130 "2010-12-17T09:21:52Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > it doesn’t matter. what does matter, however, is that you stop wasting everyone’s time with your bullshit. Don’t get out much? Joe ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/131 "2010-12-17T11:47:39Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > she was not impressed by Catullus 97 You need to upgrade to Catullus XP cos 97 has a lot of bugs in it. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/132 "2010-12-17T14:06:04Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I read a lot but girls don’t wanna talk about Lee Harvey Oswald for some reason Yeah. Stay away from dead Kennedys. Nobody wants to hear about them here either. > [@PSXer](#): > > I don’t go out. You should go out. You can’t post on the SDMB from there. > [@PSXer](#): > > I am boring and have no money. You should work more; can you imagine how much fun it would be to be boring With money? You could get a Special on Showtime. There’s an idea. Then you could Tweet about it desperately. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/133 "2010-12-17T14:50:07Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > The “physical boyfriend” is the one who boffs her. The “mental boyfriend” is the one who thinks about her while whacking off. I’m mental boyfriend to the stars! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/134 "2010-12-17T15:00:04Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > I’m mental boyfriend to the stars! …and for the next 8 days, for just $50 from your PayPal account, I can name a Star after you!!! That one, to the left. Behind the branch. I used to call it Blinky. Now it will be… _Larry_… Whoa, I think it liked that. Did you see it wink? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/135 "2010-12-17T15:08:27Z")
> [@Ms\_Boods](#): > > You need to upgrade to Catullus XP cos 97 has a lot of bugs in it. It’s also better for playing Minesweeper on your laptop: “Hestero, Licini, die otiose / multum lusimus in meis tabellis."\* \*“Yesterday, Licinius, was a day of leisure/ playing many games in my little notebooks” ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/136 "2010-12-17T15:16:05Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s a heck of a penius. 🙂 Penius Maximus is legedary. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/137 "2010-12-17T15:29:12Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Penius Maximus is legedary. Its Penultimate…! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/138 "2010-12-17T15:41:19Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Penius Maximus is legedary. Any relation to Biggus Dickus? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/139 "2010-12-17T16:04:12Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s a heck of a penius. 🙂 That’s what she said! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330/140 "2010-12-17T17:34:40Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Its Penultimate…! I think it’s actually Peniultimate! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-inadvertently-met-my-girlfriends-physical-boyfriend-today/564330.md?page=8)