# I think I may have lost my only guy friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288 "2015-08-08T01:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/181 "2015-08-11T08:44:55Z")
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/182 "2015-08-11T13:33:39Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Y’all saved my marriage. Yippie Am I the only one that reads this full of disdain, sarcasm, and contempt? Are you really 32? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/183 "2015-08-11T13:36:43Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Well I told him we couldn’t talk anymore. > > I’m not telling y’all what he said because I already know what y’all would say about it. > > Momcation cancelled. > > Y’all saved my marriage. Yippie You are sarcastically cheering about your marriage being saved? And you’re angry at people on the internet for forcing you to cancel your plans to go crash on a stranger’s couch so you could fuck a quasi-stranger while justifying it as a “mom-cation”? How old are you? As someone noted upthread, you have no agency - you take no responsibility for anything in this thread. The fucking, the cancelled fucking, none of it is the product of any of your actions. You ought to work on developing some sense of yourself as an effective agent in the world before working on validation through fucking a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/184 "2015-08-11T13:55:02Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Well I told him we couldn’t talk anymore. > > I’m not telling y’all what he said because I already know what y’all would say about it. > > Momcation cancelled. > > Y’all saved my marriage. Yippie Seriously- go or don’t go but either way it’s _your_ decision. Take ownership of your own decisions. In this thread you deflect your decisions onto external controls- [ul]Having sex with his won’t happen because you’re frumpy, don’t drink and on your period.[/ul] [ul]Not going on this vacation is because everyone in this thread made you not go.[/ul] [ul]Texting with him is ok because your husband isn’t upset.[/ul] Make your own decisions based on your best judgment and ethical framework, but stop rationalizing, deflecting and giving others authority over what you do. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/185 "2015-08-11T13:59:24Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Y’all ain’t got nuthin to worry about, I’ll likely be on the rag that week. > > And don’t go telling me some guys don’t care about that, because I do. I refuse to do anything when it’s that time of the month. > So no drinking plus Aunt Flo means I can stick with my convictions > You can stop taking up a pool on the inevitability of my infidelity Classy! ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/186 "2015-08-11T14:38:49Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > You are sarcastically cheering about your marriage being saved? And you’re angry at people on the internet for forcing you to cancel your plans to go crash on a stranger’s couch so you could fuck a quasi-stranger while justifying it as a “mom-cation”? > > How old are you? As someone noted upthread, you have no agency - you take no responsibility for anything in this thread. The fucking, the cancelled fucking, none of it is the product of any of your actions. You ought to work on developing some sense of yourself as an effective agent in the world before working on validation through fucking a stranger. I resort to sarcasm when I know I’m wrong. That whole post you quoted is lies. I’m lost ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/187 "2015-08-11T14:38:51Z")
You attracted my attention as soon as you signed up for the Dope, April, because you were pregnant with PCOS at just the same time I was trying to get pregnant again and finding out I had PCOS. I have noticed your posts ever after, and I have to say … you don’t seem like yourself. This selfish, irresponsible streak never came out before. Never in such a blatant way, anyhow. What’s going on with you? Has the weight loss changed your feelings about your situation in life? Are you experiencing a seven-year crisis in the parenting thing? Did you contract toxoplasmosis? I’m seeing a major personality change (after not seeing you post for a while). Something happened. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/188 "2015-08-11T14:41:23Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Seriously- go or don’t go but either way it’s _your_ decision. Take ownership of your own decisions. > > In this thread you deflect your decisions onto external controls- > > [ul]Having sex with his won’t happen because you’re frumpy, don’t drink and on your period.[/ul] > > [ul]Not going on this vacation is because everyone in this thread made you not go.[/ul] > > [ul]Texting with him is ok because your husband isn’t upset.[/ul] > > Make your own decisions based on your best judgment and ethical framework, but stop rationalizing, deflecting and giving others authority over what you do. I’m not working within my own ethical framework, and it’s making me phyically ill. I threw up yesterday…my stomach is in knots, and I can’t eat. My mind is at war with my body. Plus side, I’ve lost more weight because of this ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/189 "2015-08-11T14:43:49Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Am I the only one that reads this full of disdain, sarcasm, and contempt? > Are you really 32? Yeah, she sounds thrilled. Sorry, that sounds bitchy. You made the right decision. It might be time for a long, serious talk with your husband, about what _each_ of you want from this marriage. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/190 "2015-08-11T14:44:38Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > You attracted my attention as soon as you signed up for the Dope, April, because you were pregnant with PCOS at just the same time I was trying to get pregnant again and finding out I had PCOS. I have noticed your posts ever after, and I have to say … you don’t seem like yourself. This selfish, irresponsible streak never came out before. Never in such a blatant way, anyhow. > > What’s going on with you? Has the weight loss changed your feelings about your situation in life? Are you experiencing a seven-year crisis in the parenting thing? Did you contract toxoplasmosis? I’m seeing a major personality change (after not seeing you post for a while). Something happened. I really don’t know. It’s killing me. It’s like I’m 16 all over again and can’t get a handle on my emotions… ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/191 "2015-08-11T14:55:16Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I’m not working within my own ethical framework, and it’s making me phyically ill. I threw up yesterday…my stomach is in knots, and I can’t eat. My mind is at war with my body. > > Plus side, I’ve lost more weight because of this Well, if this can be a wake up call that helps you get to the root of your issues, then I wish you all the best. I really do. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/192 "2015-08-11T14:56:59Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > > [@April\_R](#): > > > > Well I told him we couldn’t talk anymore. > > > > I’m not telling y’all what he said because I already know what y’all would say about it. > > > > Momcation cancelled. > > > > Y’all saved my marriage. Yippie > > You are sarcastically cheering about your marriage being saved? And you’re angry at people on the internet for forcing you to cancel your plans to go crash on a stranger’s couch so you could fuck a quasi-stranger while justifying it as a “mom-cation”? > > How old are you? As someone noted upthread, you have no agency - you take no responsibility for anything in this thread. The fucking, the cancelled fucking, none of it is the product of any of your actions. You ought to work on developing some sense of yourself as an effective agent in the world before working on validation through fucking a stranger. > [@April\_R](#): > > I resort to sarcasm when I know I’m wrong. > _That whole post you quoted is lies_. I’m lost So let’s get this straight…the post by you that **Hentor the Barbian** quoted is lies. I.e. you lied in your post above? So you didn’t tell Guy Friend that you are going to stop texting him, you’re mom-cation is still on, and we didn’t save your marriage. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/193 "2015-08-11T14:58:51Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > So let’s get this straight…the post by you that **Hentor the Barbian** quoted is lies. I.e. you lied in your post above? So you didn’t tell Guy Friend that you are going to stop texting him, you’re mom-cation is still on, and we didn’t save your marriage. Got it. I.told him I’m taking a 48 hour break, deleting all our conversations, and seeing how I feel then ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/194 "2015-08-11T15:01:06Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Well, if this can be a wake up call that helps you get to the root of your issues, then I wish you all the best. I really do. Agreed. Some part of your brain knew this was a bad idea, or you wouldn’t have started this thread. But the fun side of your brain, was all caught up in the risk, the adventure, and the attention. Those are all powerful mood stimulants. But the responsible adult side of you needs to win this battle, or you are going to wind up hurting lots of people, and probably yourself most of all. Use this as a springboard to OWN this, and do the right thing. It might not be as immediately gratifying, but the right choices usually aren’t. That’s why being an adult is so damn hard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/195 "2015-08-11T15:02:30Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I.told him I’m taking a 48 hour break, deleting all our conversations, and seeing how I feel then Nope. Not enough. 48 hours is just enough to make things all tingly. Go 30 days. I dare you. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/196 "2015-08-11T15:13:46Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > deleting all our conversations That’s probably best for your marriage. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/197 "2015-08-11T15:20:27Z")
I’'ll throw this out as a hopefully useful suggestion for the OP. You want guy friends? Get a hobby. Like hiking or outdoor photography or astronomy or canoeing or whatever. Join the local club. Most hobbies are often social by nature. A group gets together to enjoy a common interest. You’ll meet plenty of guys that like talking about the hobby. But they will often talk about other stuff and some will become your friends. Only do this in group settings, avoid any flirty shit, make it clear as day that you are not cruising for romance either long term or short term and observe reasonable boundaries where hanky panky just isn’t going to happen because its impractical. You’ll make guy friends. You probably find people that like to talk to about random things to you because many people like to talk about random stuff to people other than spouse or coworkers they are around most of their lives. You’ll probably make some nice female friends too. And you’ll get out of the house and get a break, which to me also sounds like its part of the problem. Good luck ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/198 "2015-08-11T15:22:46Z")
> **[Love addiction -- how to break it - CNN.com](https://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/09/end.relationship/index.html?iref=newssearch)** > > After a break-up with with your spouse, significant other or love of your life, you might try to remain friends with your ex, slowly cut off contact, or torch every last relic of the relationship. Infatuation acts like a drug in your brain. You aren’t feeling like yourself, so i think you should take more than 48 hours to really reflect and assess what’s going on with you. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/199 "2015-08-11T15:34:07Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > [http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/09/end.relationship/index.html?iref=newssearch](http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/09/end.relationship/index.html?iref=newssearch) > > Infatuation acts like a drug in your brain. You aren’t feeling like yourself, so i think you should take more than 48 hours to really reflect and assess what’s going on with you. Thank you for the link ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/200 "2015-08-11T15:57:39Z")
I agree with \*\*jsgoddess \*\*who says you never really had a guy friend to begin with. I have guy friends. In fact my BFF is a guy. I don’t text my guy friends every day, or enough to be able to take a 48-hour break. My non-bff guy friend, I text him every other month or so, and we go out half as much. My guy friends are good listeners (as are my girlfriends). But there’s nothing in my life that needs to be listened to and vented about every day. Seems like all your time and energy away from your family (or even during family time, I suspect) is being spent on this guy. That’s not a friendship when you’re 32, that’s a relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=11)