# I think I may have lost my only guy friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288 "2015-08-08T01:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2015, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/341 "2015-08-16T20:41:25Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Really stupid decision. It just is. But I’m sure that YOU can succeed in what almost everyone here has said is asking for trouble. David Copperfield said it. **April R** believes it. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/342 "2015-08-17T04:10:03Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Maybe my advice was too friendly and understanding to be clear. I’ll fix it: _ **Ruin everything** _ between you and him. No good can come of this relationship. End _ **everything NOW** _–no texts, no emails, no nothing. Do not keep him around as your Plan B for when your marriage falls apart because that will make it easier for you to not make the effort to keep your marriage together. End it cold, now. Delete his number and block his texts, with no explanation. He should be dead to you. It will hurt both of you a little. If it hurts a lot, it’s because you were in deeper than you thought, though probably not as deep as a lot of us think. Yeah, this. I think my advice might have been too friendly and understanding too. It’s great your husband is being such a stand-up guy about it. I seriously think that is great. But. It’s actually NOT ABOUT HIM. It is about you. It is about _your accepting personal responsibility for your own actions and feelings_. It is about your understanding the way you react to things and the way you feel about him and how that is likely to impact YOUR reactions in the future. And previously in the thread you’ve pretty much said straight-out that you start flirting every time you feel a little down on yourself, so you’re clearly just lying to yourself if you don’t think this is going to be a problem in the future. Because there will be a next time for you feeling down on yourself. What are you going to do then? I bet I know what you’re going to say. “Oh, but I won’t flirt with him next time because I’ll be confident in my marriage and I won’t be so down on myself and so it won’t be a problem.” If you don’t see how it doesn’t work that way – if you read your OP and your other posts in this thread and don’t see how it doesn’t work that way – then I’m afraid you’re doomed to repeating the same mistakes. And your poor husband too. …and I’m out. I’ve said everything that could be remotely useful, and I’m now going to take my own advice about not repeating the same mistakes. (In this case, trying to tell you what the right thing is to do.) ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/343 "2015-08-21T20:33:33Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > You are incapable of not being an asshole, aren’t you? Don’t call other posters assholes in this forum again. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/344 "2015-08-21T20:38:48Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Don’t call other posters assholes in this forum again. Apologies. I’ll behave. ---
**Author:** ![Abracadebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f04885/32.png) [@Abracadebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abracadebra)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/345 "2015-08-21T21:59:29Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Dropped in to defend my honor. 😉 > My money’s on the Guy Friend. It take two to tango, he and Hubby seem to have her dance card filled, and I’ve given up dancing. > > April, we know and respect each other now, right? So it’s okay if I ask if you are out of your fucking mind? He knows you will cheat on your husband because you already have with your sexting. But he won’t commit to you because, though you’ll be alone, you will really have three kids in tow. But he will use you as a handy cum receptacle because you will be there, but leaving soon. He may even rape you if you aren’t forthcoming. You don’t know him. You know some kid from high school and some guy you jerk off with. > > You obviously haven’t told your husband everything about the texts or he would not have agreed to your love cruise so readily. Unless, of course, he plans to spend the time shopping for the new Mrs R. Do you have no-fault divorce in your state, or is he planning to use this to charge you with adultery or abandonment and leave you out in the cold? > > These are things you need to think about before you take one more step forward. So far it’s been a Disney fairy tale for you, but now it’s getting real. Climb out of your imagination, where everything is going to be [Disney Princess] Just perfect! [/DP] and look at what can really happen that will fuck you up good. And not just you, but your kids, too. You want to have a fling, wait 'til your youngest is older. Maybe an adult, even, but at least out of diapers, for fuck’s sake. > > Please, take it from someone who stopped before it was too late, a couple of times. No good is likely to come from this trip. I can’t agree enough with this. April, 8 years ago, I had a “guy friend” I had met on a message board we were both members of. He and I had flirted and thought we were in love. The message board had a meet in Houston, and he and I hooked up there. I was married, with two kids. My youngest was five. When I came home, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He begged me to stay. Cried. I was a stone wall. I rented a house, moved out, and a couple of weeks later got served with divorce papers, listing abandonment as the reason. Meanwhile, online “friend” made plans to move down to my town. Husband and I met in court, the judge gave him temporary custody, even though he was unemployed. I was devastated. As a requirement of the divorce, we both had to attend parenting classes. Online “friend” left from NJ, driving. He called me 10 hours later and said that he had been arrested in NC, and asked me to come bail him out. I foolishly drove 6 hours and got him out. We drove to his van on the side of the road where it was left, then he followed me back to my house. The next week was a real eye opener. I went to work every day, and would come home to find him wasted on Oxycontin or Percocet, sometimes the combination of the two. He slurred, he drooled on himself. He couldn’t put together a cohesive sentence. He got a call one morning that his mom had passed away, and I drove him to the airport so he could fly to NJ for the funeral. That night I had my parenting class to attend. It was the single most gut wrenching experience of my life. I couldn’t imagine my children being split between the two of us. What was I doing?! I sat in the car and cried for long while before I drove home. The next morning I called my husband and asked if we could talk. I asked if he still loved me. He said he did. He wanted me to come home. That afternoon, he drove over and helped me pack my things into his truck and my SUV. He also helped me pack online “friend’s” stuff into his van. I drove the van to the airport, parked it, and Fedexed the keys to him in NJ. I called him and said it would be best if he just got on with his life as that’s what I intended doing. My husband and I have been married 23 years. He forgave me for what I did. If I can ever forgive myself, well, that would be wonderful. I’m a lucky girl, and don’t think for a minute I ever forget it. I love that man. He hung the moon and stars for me. My advice? Don’t go. Even if your husband never finds out, YOU will know. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/346 "2015-08-21T23:51:33Z")
I’m not in any way in love with guy friend. I have no interest or intention of leaving my marriage, but I appreciate you sharing your experience. Your husband sounds extremely compassionate and loving. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2015, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/347 "2015-08-22T00:28:31Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Then my hubs and I get into an argument last night Was that before or after [you told him how you had signed up for Ashley Madison](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18619340&postcount=52)? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Original\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@The\_Original\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Original_Bob)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2015, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/348 "2015-08-22T02:09:47Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Yes, I am still going to treat Guy Friend like a friend and not ignore him. > Sorry you feel I’m ignoring you DZ, I’m not. I just don’t agree severing contact is necessary. Sorry So set something up with this guy to “talk”. I’ll bet he’d travel to visit you. No need to tell your husband since you and friend are just going to talk. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2015, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/349 "2015-08-22T03:53:07Z")
_snerk_ ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2015, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/350 "2015-08-22T05:06:44Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Apologies. I’ll behave. As a good Christian, I accept your apology. You are forgiven. Go and sin no more. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2015, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/351 "2015-08-22T20:27:55Z")
A good Christian wouldn’t make a spectacle of his rectitude. Besides, her apology was for using inappropriate language in this forum, not an admission of error. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/352 "2015-08-22T22:40:34Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > A good Christian wouldn’t make a spectacle of his rectitude. Besides, her apology was for using inappropriate language in this forum, not an admission of error. And, of course, it was directed to Idle Thoughts.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/353 "2015-08-23T01:08:01Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > A good Christian wouldn’t make a spectacle of his rectitude. Besides, her apology was for using inappropriate language in this forum, not an admission of error. Nope, she said, “apologies,” plural. > [@Emiliana](#): > > And, of course, it was directed to Idle Thoughts.😉 One was, of course, but since you offered multiple apologies, plural, it’s obvious what you intended. I forgive you. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/354 "2015-08-23T01:18:37Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > Was that before or after [you told him how you had signed up for Ashley Madison](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18619340&postcount=52)? April R, I’ve been reading along for a while, and I saw you mention this in the other thread and I feel compelled to ask: _If your husband had told you that some things are unforgivable and he believed in divorce in certain circumstances, would you be taking the same gambles with your marriage?_ It seems like you’re so confident in your husband that you feel you have a licence to behave as you please. No matter what you do, his only course of action is to forgive you because he believes marriage is for life, no matter what. Don’t you owe it to him to stop testing for the limit of his forgiveness, and start behaving like you take your marriage as seriously as he does? ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/355 "2015-08-23T03:40:56Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > April R, I’ve been reading along for a while, and I saw you mention this in the other thread and I feel compelled to ask: > _If your husband had told you that some things are unforgivable and he believed in divorce in certain circumstances, would you be taking the same gambles with your marriage?_ > It seems like you’re so confident in your husband that you feel you have a licence to behave as you please. No matter what you do, his only course of action is to forgive you because he believes marriage is for life, no matter what. Don’t you owe it to him to stop testing for the limit of his forgiveness, and start behaving like you take your marriage as seriously as he does? I get the feeling that **April** wants out of her marriage but lacks whatever it takes to just sit down with her husband and say “Look, this doesn’t do it for me anymore, I want to end it”. Instead of taking the direct approach, she’s going to keep pushing these relationships right up to the breaking point over and again and hope that that will somehow keep her hands clean of the responsibility of ending it. It’s like watching a child smashing her toy into the floor over and over, half fearful and half hopeful that Daddy is going to look up from his paper and take it off her for good ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/356 "2015-08-23T04:23:07Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > As a good Christian, I accept your apology. You are forgiven. Go and sin no more. She wasn’t apologizing to you, you fucking douchebag. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/357 "2015-08-23T05:07:38Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > She wasn’t apologizing to you, you fucking douchebag. Obviously, she was. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/358 "2015-08-23T13:36:55Z")
**Moderator Warning** > [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > She wasn’t apologizing to you, you fucking douchebag. This is an official warning. Reason: Personal Insults outside of the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/359 "2015-08-23T13:40:47Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@Grotonian](#): > > One was, of course, but since you offered multiple apologies, plural, it’s obvious what you intended. Actually, it’s pretty obvious that this is not how it was intended, and by intentionally twisting it around you’re pushing the limits of the “don’t be a jerk” rule. Knock it off. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/360 "2015-08-23T18:26:08Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > Was that before or after [you told him how you had signed up for Ashley Madison](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18619340&postcount=52)? Huh? I did the AM thing like last week, so not sure what you’re asking [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=19)