# I think I may have lost my only guy friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288 "2015-08-08T01:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/361 "2015-08-23T18:27:10Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > Was that before or after [you told him how you had signed up for Ashley Madison](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18619340&postcount=52)? > [@Penfeather](#): > > I get the feeling that **April** wants out of her marriage but lacks whatever it takes to just sit down with her husband and say “Look, this doesn’t do it for me anymore, I want to end it”. Instead of taking the direct approach, she’s going to keep pushing these relationships right up to the breaking point over and again and hope that that will somehow keep her hands clean of the responsibility of ending it. It’s like watching a child smashing her toy into the floor over and over, half fearful and half hopeful that Daddy is going to look up from his paper and take it off her for good Yea, no. I love being married to my hubs. He’s fabulous ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/362 "2015-08-23T18:41:06Z")
Edit: **Engineer Comp Geek** got to it first. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/363 "2015-08-23T18:50:18Z")
> [@The\_Original\_Bob](#): > > So set something up with this guy to “talk”. I’ll bet he’d travel to visit you. No need to tell your husband since you and friend are just going to talk. No. He’s a managing partner of a business and works 6 days a week. He only gets 2 weeks guaranteed vacation in December. It would be selfish of me to ask him to compromise his career for a fruitless visit. He is just a friend. We’ve discussed our interactions and have agreed on the limitations. I am very happy with how things are going ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/364 "2015-08-23T19:33:41Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Why does the phrase " don’t stick your dick in the crazy" pop into my mind when I read this thread? Hell, after reading this thread I wouldn’t even point it in her general direction. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2015, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/365 "2015-08-24T10:57:21Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I am very happy with how things are going Your strange affectation of leaving the last period out of virtually every closing sentence of your posts lead me to believe that your final statements lack commitment ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2015, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/366 "2015-08-24T16:07:10Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Your strange affectation of leaving the last period out of virtually every closing sentence of your posts lead me to believe that your final statements lack commitment Dang, I never noticed I did that. Now I’m going to be checking constantly. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/367 "2015-08-24T16:41:50Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Your strange affectation of leaving the last period out of virtually every closing sentence of your posts lead me to believe that your final statements lack commitment Wait, She has been missing her period? Well damn, this might get even more drama mama action. I feel like I’m watching a Mexican soap opera. I mean, it makes no sense to me, but there seems to be a lot going on here. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2015, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/368 "2015-08-24T23:29:25Z")
I’m really glad I didn’t allow the drama or self doubt cause me to drop Guy Friend. We still talk. We spoke on the phone for the first time last night and it wasn’t awkward or strained at all. Nothing sexual or flirty, just two friends talking about friendly things. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/369 "2015-08-25T11:30:48Z")
…and your husband, is he “cool with it”? ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/370 "2015-08-25T11:35:43Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > …and your husband, is he “cool with it”? Of course he is!! Why would he not be? I mean it’s not like there are any danger signs _at all_, right? That Hubs, he is just the absolute best, isn’t he? :D:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/371 "2015-08-25T11:58:40Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Of course he is!! Why would he not be? I mean it’s not like there are any danger signs _at all_, right? > > That Hubs, he is just the absolute best, isn’t he? > :D:dubious: I know you’re being sarcastic, but yes. He and I talked about it and we set ground rules, and he is fine with it. He has no reason not to be. He loves me and knows I love him. Why is that so hard for y’all to get? ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/372 "2015-08-25T12:06:09Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I know you’re being sarcastic, but yes. He and I talked about it and we set ground rules, and he is fine with it. He has no reason not to be. He loves me and knows I love him. Why is that so hard for y’all to get? I don’t know April, is there any possible thing that you can think of that would be any kind of danger sign? Sorry, I’ll back of the sarcasm. If you don’t think your actions that you have documented in this thread (and others), are a sign that your marriage is at high risk, then I don’t know what to tell you. Your continued “friendship” with _Mr Just Friends_ WILL lead to problems, I can almost guarantee it. It is incredibly hard to dial “flirty” and “erotic thoughts” back down to “purely friends”. And nothing in your behavior has shown that you are someone who can do that. Just the opposite, you have been all over the map, impulsively lurching from one extreme to another. So, yeah, that is why it’s s hard for us to buy it. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/373 "2015-08-25T12:11:48Z")
Would you be “cool with it” if your husband was having friendly conversations about friendly things with a woman friend about whom he wrote sadly desperate poetry just a two weeks ago? ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/374 "2015-08-25T12:31:38Z")
Did your husband read the poem? If not, do you think it would make a difference in how he feels about this? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/375 "2015-08-25T12:43:50Z")
…Or the fact that you signed up on Ashley Madison? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/376 "2015-08-25T12:58:46Z")
I told him about AM. I destroyed the poem because it was a spur of the moment had to get it down on paper thing. I don’t even feel that way anymore, I didn’t feel that way a few minutes after I wrote it. And yes, I do think erotic feelings can be dialed back and I can be just friendly. Can guys not do that? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/377 "2015-08-25T13:00:43Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Would you be “cool with it” if your husband was having friendly conversations about friendly things with a woman friend about whom he wrote sadly desperate poetry just a two weeks ago? I don’t know to be honest. Part of me would almost see it as a relief, that I wasn’t completely the bad guy in this whole thing. But as it is, he doesn’t do things like that. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/378 "2015-08-25T13:01:06Z")
I don’t think the issue is with this guy. The thrill is gone and he doesn’t jazz you up anymore. Even in this thread when DZ showed a tiny bit of flirtation, you jumped in. Then you signed up for AM to get that thrill and then deleted it. So how you getting that thrill next? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/379 "2015-08-25T13:06:29Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t even feel that way anymore, I didn’t feel that way a few minutes after I wrote it. I know you think this is a good sign, but it strikes me as more worrisome than that. You seemed to escalate rapidly in your feelings and behavior, then fall off a cliff. You say this guy is your friend, but he appears to be more of a means to an end. At first, the end was to scratch whatever itch you had. Now it’s more to demonstrate that you have moved on, nothing to see here. How do you determine which feelings are real and lasting when you lurch from one dramatic set-piece to another? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/380 "2015-08-25T13:07:33Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I told him about AM. I destroyed the poem because it was a spur of the moment had to get it down on paper thing. I don’t even feel that way anymore, I didn’t feel that way a few minutes after I wrote it. So, no. You’ve not been completely honest about everything. > [@April\_R](#): > > And yes, I do think erotic feelings can be dialed back and I can be just friendly. Can guys not do that? Of course guys can do that. That’s not the point. Your guy friend was never the problem. The problem is you. > [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t know to be honest. Part of me would almost see it as a relief, that I wasn’t completely the bad guy in this whole thing. But as it is, he doesn’t do things like that. How do you know? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=20)