# I think I may have lost my only guy friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288 "2015-08-08T01:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 24
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/461 "2015-08-29T15:08:22Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I will never understand guys. Anyone? Shall we form a line to each have a crack at it or shall we leave it untouched, pristine in its grandiose irony and utter lack of introspective insight? ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/462 "2015-08-29T15:08:24Z")
If you stopped contact, you should’ve ignored it. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/463 "2015-08-29T15:14:38Z")
You are right. I should have. I will from now on. I just don’t understand, when he was the one saying we were just friends and he didn’t want me to see him, and I finally agreed and said we should stop talking all together, he then tried to contact me. I am not being purposefully naive here. I really don’t understand why someone who pushed away so readily would do that. Drunk or not. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/464 "2015-08-29T15:33:09Z")
Perhaps you should consider focusing on understanding your own behaviours, and leave his for him to ponder? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/465 "2015-08-29T17:06:59Z")
The technical term for ths is “fishing.” Yes, he likes you likes you. Deisiring validation is a totally normal, natural exprience. The face-palming part is your difficulty understanding this guy’s behavior. Go back and read your poem and your own description of your wild vacillations. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/466 "2015-08-29T17:25:43Z")
Look, this guy may be a great person but it’s been pretty clear from the start that he is in to you. Dudes complain about being “in the friend zone” but many are happy to hang out there waiting for you to break up with your husband and come running to them. And to help facilitate it. And while you’re at fault here for many things, this guy is letting you run around and make a mess of your family and blaming it all on yourself then on top of that you also FEEL BAD for cutting him off and pushing him away. How great is that for him?! As soon as you said you felt bad about flirting he should have been like “Yeah we went too far. I’m sorry. I don’t think I really should be talking online and meeting IRL with a married woman.” But instead he made YOU apologize and kept on like nothing was wrong. There is no reason for this guy to keep his invitation to visit open. None. But he did, because he’s waiting for you to come and slip up and once again be “guiltless” in the situation. This fella is bad fucking news. And you keep blaming yourself for it. He’s not your friend - clearly he’s a loser that is “rock star hot” but can’t get a woman in his own town and has to cultivate a relationship with someone who is already taken. Maybe because women can’t stand him in person. Maybe because he likes the idea of cuckolding another man. Maybe he is going to kill you and eat you. This late-night drunk texting is the biggest, boldest red flags of all the red flags in this whole saga. DO YOU SEE IT NOW? HE LIKES YOU. This is the kind of stupid shit you just put up with and let mess up your stuff for a few months when you’re 19 or something. But when you’re in your 30s and married and have kids, you realize “Oh geez…I don’t have time for this nonsense!” and move on. Good grief, woman. This needs to be OVER. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2015, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/467 "2015-08-29T23:46:25Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So he drunk texted me last night. > > Nothing gross or flirty, just attempted to have a conversation with me at 3am my time. I was polite but told him I needed to sleep. > I will never understand guys. I had it at under a week before you were in contact again, so I owe myself $5. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/468 "2015-08-30T00:36:04Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I had it at under a week before you were in contact again, so I owe myself $5. I didn’t contact him, and I cut it short. I’m not going to contact him. But I’m not going to be a bitch either. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/469 "2015-08-30T00:51:55Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I didn’t contact him, and I cut it short. You were in contact with him. You didn’t ignore or block his texts, you replied instead. That’s what I think people here believe is the problem in this situation. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/470 "2015-08-30T00:59:04Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I didn’t contact him, and I cut it short. > > I’m not going to contact him. But I’m not going to be a bitch either. You told him “no contact” and he put you in the position to break your word. It’s not being a bitch- it’s sticking by your decisions. What is more important- his feelings or your convictions? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/471 "2015-08-30T01:07:59Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You told him “no contact” and he put you in the position to break your word. It’s not being a bitch- it’s sticking by your decisions. What is more important- his feelings or your convictions? I don’t know. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/472 "2015-08-30T01:13:55Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t know. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. Yes, and most of the time that’s a great philosophy. But sometimes, especially when other people put you in the position of hurting them, other values are more important. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/473 "2015-08-30T01:26:57Z")
There is an app (or lots) that block texts or calls from a given number, if it’s hard to ignore his messages. You told him what you need; he ignored your decision. Hurting someone sucks. Does he care if he hurts you? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/474 "2015-08-30T01:31:44Z")
I know you can block calls, but I didn’t think you could block texts ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/475 "2015-08-30T01:42:50Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I know you can block calls, but I didn’t think you could block texts You can, and you should. I know you think he’s not like this, but he is. You are prey. He will keep hitting you up until he catches you at a weak moment. Block him. I know you are someone who cares about people, so make those people yourself, your husband, and your family. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/476 "2015-08-30T02:01:00Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I know you can block calls, but I didn’t think you could block texts Mr number is one such app. I know there are more. I don’t know if I’d consider this guy a predator. But you have made a decision that’s the best for you, and he hasn’t honored that. His actions are hurting you. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/477 "2015-08-30T02:35:09Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t know. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. What, unless they’re your husbands? ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/478 "2015-08-30T03:18:07Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > What, unless they’re your husbands? I didn’t hurt his feelings. He’s fine. He knows what happened. Maybe he’s just a bigger man than most? I don’t know, however he’s not upset or hurt or jelous. He knows he’s got me no matter what. He told me as much. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/479 "2015-08-30T03:19:17Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Mr number is one such app. I know there are more. I don’t know if I’d consider this guy a predator. But you have made a decision that’s the best for you, and he hasn’t honored that. His actions are hurting you. > [@leftfield6](#): > > You can, and you should. > > I know you think he’s not like this, but he is. You are prey. He will keep hitting you up until he catches you at a weak moment. Block him. I know you are someone who cares about people, so make those people yourself, your husband, and your family. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Original\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@The\_Original\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Original_Bob)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2015, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/480 "2015-08-30T04:38:03Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I don’t know. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. I think you should go visit him and stay with him a few days so you can explain in person why you’re breaking off all contact. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=23) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=25)