# I think I may have lost my only guy friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288 "2015-08-08T01:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/61 "2015-08-09T00:31:16Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I’m thinking of getting a wise-cracking, street-smart black guy too. Is there a discount on the multipack? ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/62 "2015-08-09T00:39:21Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I’m thinking of getting a wise-cracking, street-smart black guy too. How about a gay, wise-cracking, street-smart black guy? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/63 "2015-08-09T00:46:03Z")
if he said “oh, no, you di’nt” at every opportunity, he’d be the bestest best friend ever! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/64 "2015-08-09T00:56:59Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So unattractive men are ok? Got it. Uggos only Well, then here I am! 😉 The truth, **April** , is that I got into a similar fix about ten years ago. Semi-permanent rough patch in my marriage. I was bored and lonely, then there was someone with a sympathetic ear who found me attractive. Chatting got intensely sexual and on top of it I was falling in love because I thought I needed it, but in the nick of time her relationship with her husband improved and I was out. We could have continued in the friend zone, I suppose, but I’m not good at staying there, so I did what I have always done: We haven’t spoken since. Still kinda miss her and there is still a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with vodka, but volatile liquids make terrible plugs. My point is that **Stringbean** is a bit over the top here and it’s normal to enjoy the company of another, a person who has new stories and hasn’t heard yours, one who will listen sympathetically, a person who finds you attractive but is safely out of reach physically. It can be thrilling! But you–and I–let it go too far and we have learned our lessons. Maybe you can retrieve what you had with the other guy, but I wouldn’t try. Too likely to get messy, especially now that he has an idea, not necessarily accurate, of how you feel about him. Maybe you filled a hole in his heart, too. Instead, you can share your problems with us and try sexting your husband. He might get a boot out of it. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/65 "2015-08-09T01:37:09Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So unattractive men are ok? Got it. Uggos only Yes, actually. Would you be having this problem if this guy wasn’t attractive to you? ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/66 "2015-08-09T01:48:21Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Plus they’re so _fabulous_ and _witty_ and delightfully cutting, and will call you “girlfriend” and criticise your decor and always be on hand to handle your affairs of the heart. Really, everybody should get one. You’re the one bringing up stereotypes, not me. I simply think it usually is easier for straight woman to have friendships with gay men than straight men, due to the lack of sexual tension and jealousy issues like what is developing here. Are you suggesting that it is wrong to simply seek out the company of gay men? I don’t think that’s wrong. To me, it’s no different than if I came to the conclusion that I wanted to make more friends with women who are moms of young kids (for example) and chose to hang out in the places where those types of women hang out. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/67 "2015-08-09T01:52:57Z")
@dropzone Thanks for sharing your experience from a guy’s perspective. I didn’t know guys got holes in their heart like that. As for sexting the hubs. I do that a lot. Leads to sex 50% of the time. The other 50% he is too tired from a night shift at work and I’m left with a frustrating knot in my stomach @lavenderviolet touché He isn’t just attractive, he’s hot. Tall, blonde, blue eyed taekwondo black belt plays in a garage band hot FML ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/68 "2015-08-09T02:29:55Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > @dropzone > Thanks for sharing your experience from a guy’s perspective. I didn’t know guys got holes in their heart like that. It is a common belief, a belief I consistently promote and assure women is true, particularly about me, that men have no souls. But the reality is that some men are incurable romantics, even straight ones. You caught me at a bad time with your similar story, the same weekend I’m laying my true totally unrealistic, peace and love, hippie soul bare in a Pit thread about Israel. I’ve never told that story here, though I typically say whatever fool thing pops in my head. It is personal and sad and contrary to my carefully-cultivated dopey, shallow, gadfly online persona, and I’d just as soon you forgot I said it. But before I return to being good ol’ **drop** , that little thing you had sure was fun, wasn’t it? Thrilling, oddly fulfilling, and a little bit bad! Made you feel like you were years younger, I’ll bet. Ahem. So, how 'bout that Trump, eh? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/69 "2015-08-09T02:41:49Z")
Trump is an ass I forgot what we were talking about 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/70 "2015-08-09T03:12:11Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > if he said “oh, no, you di’nt” at every opportunity, he’d be the bestest best friend ever! And so _authentic_; he could teach me many valuable life lessons about the importance of feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/71 "2015-08-09T03:13:16Z")
> [@AprilR](#): > > WtF does that second to last paragraph even exist? Of course I’m not deciding on wether to be with my husband or Guy Friend. That is Ludicrous. Super duper. Then what you’re likely feeling is just straight-up guilt. Option #1. > [@](#): > > And whatever line you and your wife have drawn in the sand about opposite sex relationships doesn’t have any bearing on male/female relationships as a whole. It’s attitudes like that which cause guilt for normal human behavior. That’s your hang up, not mine. But nice attempt to redirect this and make it seem like my marriage is the one that’s got problems right now, not yours. I don’t have the need to text women I went to high school with (to flirt, seek validation, express my erotic feelings, vent about my spouse) in order to fulfill something that’s lacking in my relationship with my wife, and then wonder why I can’t have platonic friendships. Honestly, I wish you the best, but don’t seek advice and then turn shit around on people when they say things that don’t validate your situation or feelings. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/72 "2015-08-09T03:28:59Z")
I wasn’t trying to insult you. Sorry you feel that way. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/73 "2015-08-09T03:45:20Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Trump is an ass > > I forgot what we were talking about 😉 Nice moves DZ. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/74 "2015-08-09T04:37:45Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > You’re the one bringing up stereotypes, not me. I simply think it usually is easier for straight woman to have friendships with gay men than straight men, due to the lack of sexual tension and jealousy issues like what is developing here. > > Are you suggesting that it is wrong to simply seek out the company of gay men? I don’t think that’s wrong. To me, it’s no different than if I came to the conclusion that I wanted to make more friends with women who are moms of young kids (for example) and chose to hang out in the places where those types of women hang out. Just as a guess I’m thinking some gay men are getting a little tired of the cultural trope of being considered akin to “magical negroes” in terms of being the witty, empathetic, non-sexual problem solvers for women with relationship problems or other issues. "The attitude of “Go find a gay friend to bitch to” is kind of entitled and burdensome. Dealing with this kind of moaning and bellyaching is mentally exhausting and they have their own lives to lead. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/75 "2015-08-09T04:59:02Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Just as a guess I’m thinking some gay men are getting a little tired of the cultural trope of being considered akin to “magical negroes” in terms of being the witty, empathetic, non-sexual problem solvers for women with relationship problems or other issues. > > "The attitude of “Go find a gay friend to bitch to” is kind of entitled and burdensome. Dealing with this kind of moaning and bellyaching is mentally exhausting and they have their own lives to lead. But doesn’t \*everyone \* shop for friends by categories based on how non-threatening and convenient to their needs they are? I think I’m going to get an Jewish one next; he can help me with my taxes ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/76 "2015-08-09T05:01:48Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > But doesn’t \*everyone \* shop for friends by categories based on how non-threatening and convenient to their needs they are? I think I’m going to get an Jewish one next; he can help me with my taxes Only if he’s pro vax. Let’s keep this in perspective, people! ---
**Author:** ![Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jan_John_Cobham_Salad)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/77 "2015-08-09T05:18:04Z")
Just go have an affair already and quit being such a drama queen about it, it’s obviously what you’re in the market for. “Male friend”, yeah sure honey, we were all born yesterday. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/78 "2015-08-09T05:36:38Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Only if he’s pro vax. Let’s keep this in perspective, people! He can’t have a cat, though, I don’t like cats. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/79 "2015-08-09T09:40:17Z")
> [@Jan\_John\_Cobham\_Salad](#): > > Just go have an affair already and quit being such a drama queen about it, it’s obviously what you’re in the market for. “Male friend”, yeah sure honey, we were all born yesterday. :rolleyes: Well damn son, you got life all figured out. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/80 "2015-08-09T10:26:10Z")
Sorry about your dad issues. Not your fault he was an ass. > [@April\_R](#): > > I used male attention and sexual interest to validate my worth as a woman. That’s really the issue then. Have you had much success in life otherwise? Career/job, hobbies, interests other than men? You said you’re a mom. How’s that going? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=5)