# I think I may have lost my only guy friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 8, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288 "2015-08-08T01:49:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/141 "2015-08-10T20:42:41Z")
Hahaha. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/142 "2015-08-10T20:54:46Z")
If you go to Arizona to see him, take your husband with you. Otherwise, YOU WILL sleep with him. He’ll be looking all blonde, hot and garage-bandy, and you won’t stand a chance. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/143 "2015-08-10T21:05:29Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > If you go to Arizona to see him, take your husband with you. Otherwise, YOU WILL sleep with him. > > He’ll be looking all blonde, hot and garage-bandy, and you won’t stand a chance. Hubs can’t go. We have three small children and no family who live by us. The whole point of me going on vacation is to get some time without the fam, a mom cation if you will. And no, I am not going to sleep with guy friend. I’m not so delusional as to think I would have a chance with him even if I was single, especially so since I’m married, have a c-section scar and stomach, and don’t own even one pair of pants with a button fly. I’m an old married woman with kids. He can do better, 😛 ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/144 "2015-08-10T21:08:08Z")
I’ll make sure to only wear sweatpants and hoodies so he isn’t tempted by my averageness. Maybe I’ll get a burka ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/145 "2015-08-10T21:16:52Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > And no, I am not going to sleep with guy friend. I’m not so delusional as to think I would have a chance with him even if I was single, especially so since I’m married, have a c-section scar and stomach, and don’t own even one pair of pants with a button fly. I’m an old married woman with kids. He can do better, 😛 See, this is the kind of language that totally indicates that you will. You’re going to visit and you think the reason you won’t have sex is because you don’t have a chance with him because you’re not hot enough? Guess what? You’re totally hot enough. He is interested and won’t turn you down, and may even initiate. What happens if he wants to kiss you, and actually thinks you’re really sexy? “I won’t cheat on my husband, because why would anyone be interested in frumpy ol’ me,” is non-committal b.s. that you can tell yourself so that you don’t have to address your feelings. You can just say, “oh, it’s all a moot point, because I’m ugly!” The problem is that that flimsy barrier you put between yourself and your feelings will tear like tissue paper the minute he makes a move, or you make a move, or you both get a little drunk together. Not judging here, but like others just trying to point out the very obvious road you’re on. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/146 "2015-08-10T21:18:41Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Hubs can’t go. We have three small children and no family who live by us. > The whole point of me going on vacation is to get some time without the fam, a mom cation if you will. > > And no, I am not going to sleep with guy friend. I’m not so delusional as to think I would have a chance with him even if I was single, especially so since I’m married, have a c-section scar and stomach, and don’t own even one pair of pants with a button fly. I’m an old married woman with kids. He can do better, 😛 You’re talking about letting everything rest on him not finding you at all attractive. You’re not talking in terms of your own agency at all, in you not finding him attractive, in your moral/ethical core, or anything. It’s just “Tee hee, we won’t have sex because I’m so frumpy. Tee hee.” And then when he says he wants to, you’ll be blown away. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/147 "2015-08-10T21:28:55Z")
Good gawd. Now don’t get me wrong. I think it is certainly possible for men and women to just be friends. But under these conditions and the way the OP feels and has reacted? This just has marriage disaster written all over it. For God’s sake. Take you vacation in DollyWood or something and not fuck up your marriage. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/148 "2015-08-10T21:39:25Z")
\< bookmarking thread for eventual inadvertent divorce mention follow-up \> Good luck on your mom-cay! ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/149 "2015-08-10T21:57:10Z")
Fine, I’m insanely hot and will carry mace on me to thwart his advances I will not engage in sexual activity with Guy Friend because my marriage and my friendship is more important than sex with Guy Friend And lastly, I do not drink and will not drink. P.s. I have never tee-heed in my entire life ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/150 "2015-08-10T22:01:10Z")
You are going to crash on some stranger’s couch so you can hang out with some guy you haven’t seen since High School (I am guessing 10-15 years ago). That’s your idea of a relaxing mom-cation? Oh, and you’ve been flirting and spilling your guts to him for the past 2 months. The only way this makes sense is if you’re hoping for romance - your denials, frumpiness and willingly cuckolded husband notwithstanding. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/151 "2015-08-10T22:05:57Z")
No. I already said I’ve been offered the guest room at his sister’s house I don’t want a romance. I want to change patterns and have a real guy friend. I’m trying to change ☹ ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/152 "2015-08-10T22:09:51Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > No. I already said I’ve been offered the guest room at his sister’s house > > I don’t want a romance. I want to change patterns and have a real guy friend. I’m trying to change ☹ We need a quivering lip smiley. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/153 "2015-08-10T22:14:18Z")
Bah. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/154 "2015-08-10T22:15:19Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > No. I already said I’ve been offered the guest room at his sister’s house > > I don’t want a romance. I want to change patterns and have a real guy friend. I’m trying to change ☹ OK, not the couch but this sister is a stranger to you. Seeing her in the halls back when she was years ahead of you in high school doesn’t really count for much. And getting a “real guy friend” isn’t a particularly laudable goal. Especially one you enjoy flirting with. If you are trying to change, I suggest looking for something more positive. But I know I’m not going to convince you so have fun. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/155 "2015-08-10T22:19:58Z")
Let me take you back to the OP: > [@](#): > > But this whole situation has me feeling like dirt and I want to know how to fix it. But now in less than 72 hours you have it all figured out? > [@](#): > > Pretty sure Guy Friend and I are going to be alright, and hubs is reacting very maturely and I am really grateful for that While basically all you’ve done is hand-wave away all the solid advice to drop this guy and NOT go visit him and start focusing on why your husband is so cool with you flirting with single men behind his back. But the only thing that’s really changed from Point A (“feeling like dirt”) and Point B (“going to be alright” and hubs is so cool with my shitty cheating) is that Guy Friend has finally texted you back and said he still wants to talk to you? Uh, OK. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/156 "2015-08-10T22:21:30Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I want to change patterns and have a real guy friend. I’m trying to change ☹ April, this is not the way to do it Jeez, I could lay your attempts at justifying this on top of the lies my ex wife told me and they line up almost perfectly. He is just a friend. Check Old high school friend. Check. I need more friends. Check I need guy friends too. Check Yeah I talk to him a lot but it’s platonic. Check No I swear nothing would ever happen. Check I’m going to coincidently be near the city he lives in. Check Going to meet him for dinner. Strictly innocent. Check Frumpy me? No way I’m cheating, who would want to? Check I could keep going. TL;DR. She did, they did, I found out, 23 year marriage done. Get ready for it unless you get off this path. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/157 "2015-08-10T22:23:07Z")
“When people say you can’t do it ― that it’s impossible ― never lose hope. Just because they couldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.” —DAVID COPPERFIELD ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/158 "2015-08-10T22:25:27Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > “When people say you can’t do it ― that it’s impossible ― never lose hope. Just because they couldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.” > > —DAVID COPPERFIELD I think another magician would be more apropos: “Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!” ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/159 "2015-08-10T22:59:57Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > “When people say you can’t do it ― that it’s impossible ― never lose hope. Just because they couldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.” > > —DAVID COPPERFIELD I do do it. I always have. But I’m not convinced you can do it right now. I’ve always had close guy friends, and those friendships are wonderful and hugely important. But I didn’t go into them looking for thrills, or ego-boosts, or sexual validation. I went into them looking for, you know, friendship. You’re hoping that having a guy friend will fix your unhealthy emotional patterns. You’re going at it the wrong way round. You need to sort out the emotional patterns before you’re capable of a healthy friendship. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288/160 "2015-08-10T23:07:05Z")
Dropped in to defend my honor. 😉 > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Prediction: By New Years, OP will have already slept with Guy Friend or **dropzone**. My money’s on the Guy Friend. It take two to tango, he and Hubby seem to have her dance card filled, and I’ve given up dancing. April, we know and respect each other now, right? So it’s okay if I ask if you are out of your fucking mind? He knows you will cheat on your husband because you already have with your sexting. But he won’t commit to you because, though you’ll be alone, you will really have three kids in tow. But he will use you as a handy cum receptacle because you will be there, but leaving soon. He may even rape you if you aren’t forthcoming. You don’t know him. You know some kid from high school and some guy you jerk off with. You obviously haven’t told your husband everything about the texts or he would not have agreed to your love cruise so readily. Unless, of course, he plans to spend the time shopping for the new Mrs R. Do you have no-fault divorce in your state, or is he planning to use this to charge you with adultery or abandonment and leave you out in the cold? These are things you need to think about before you take one more step forward. So far it’s been a Disney fairy tale for you, but now it’s getting real. Climb out of your imagination, where everything is going to be [Disney Princess] Just perfect! [/DP] and look at what can really happen that will fuck you up good. And not just you, but your kids, too. You want to have a fling, wait 'til your youngest is older. Maybe an adult, even, but at least out of diapers, for fuck’s sake. Please, take it from someone who stopped before it was too late, a couple of times. No good is likely to come from this trip. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-i-may-have-lost-my-only-guy-friend/727288.md?page=9)