# I think I've just been threatened in my workplace... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632 "2007-04-18T15:37:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2007, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/101 "2007-04-19T21:07:16Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] I imagine, too, from your description here. Well, you’ve certainly shot down my good ol’ boys network theory. I think I’ll just go back to assuming you were kidding. [/QUOTE] If the good ole boy in question is running with a 100 million dollar book and the person who has his “feelings hurt” can be replaced by the end of the day who is more important to keep happy? And before you take the good ole boy thing too literally, lots of women got along just fine, and lots of men havn’t ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/102 "2007-04-19T21:25:21Z")
[QUOTE=Grossbottom] When girls at work wink at me I report them for sexual harassment. People say I’m insufficiently socialized, but I think I have the right to make my environment as joyless and miserable as it needs to be so that I can be comfortable. [/QUOTE] Beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/103 "2007-04-19T21:36:28Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] Beautiful. [/QUOTE] Shame shame! I smell a trip to HR! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/104 "2007-04-19T22:13:53Z")
[QUOTE=brownie55] \ Again, I see this as competing rights. And I must ask who determines “good judgement” and what is “questionable?” Shooting rubber bands? Shutting down at 4:00 on a Friday to share a few beers? I have known people that would have complained at either, and those folks just are not popular with their co-workers if they are going against corporate culture. Are you saying that an individual has the “right” to change corporate culture? Again, I don’t mean for things that are illegal, just the way the corporation does business. [/QUOTE] I don’t think we’re too far apart on these points. I would agree that the extremes shouldn’t be accommodated, but if your company culture allows people to engage in behaviour that your average, normal person finds insulting or uncomfortable, it is probably your company culture that is at fault. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/105 "2007-04-20T01:45:00Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Making fun of an actual religious practice, no matter how badly garbled by Spielberg and Lucas, just isn’t quite as fun. [/QUOTE] Eventually there will be discovered an Amazonian tribe that actually does worship a Flying Spaghetti Monster, at which point it will no longer be appropriate to joke about the FSM or use It as a rhetorical device in religious debate. Because Lord knows if someone, somewhere kneels and mumbles a chant to something, it deserves deference. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/106 "2007-04-20T02:44:01Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] Because Lord knows if someone, somewhere kneels and mumbles a chant to something, it deserves deference. [/QUOTE] Only if the someone, somewhere and something aren’t white. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/107 "2007-04-20T03:47:40Z")
[QUOTE=T\_SQUARE] If the good ole boy in question is running with a 100 million dollar book and the person who has his “feelings hurt” can be replaced by the end of the day who is more important to keep happy? [/QUOTE] _This_ is a joke, right? ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_Lurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_Lurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_Lurker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/108 "2007-04-20T05:14:32Z")
[QUOTE=Count Blucher] She stuck her fingers into my chest in a ‘gun’ symbol and yelled ‘Bang’ from the other side of the door. [/QUOTE] This is a clear case of rape, kidnapping and false imprisonment. You should contact the DA as well. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/109 "2007-04-20T05:43:18Z")
[QUOTE=Reply] _This_ is a joke, right? [/QUOTE] Well, it’s kind of a harsh way to phrase it, but from practical and realistic standpoint, that’s how it goes, no? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/110 "2007-04-20T10:28:09Z")
[QUOTE=Reply] _This_ is a joke, right? [/QUOTE] Only if you think capitalism is a joke. Last I checked, the primary mission of any company is to make money, not to provide a warm safe huggy environment where everyone is equally loved and valued. \*That’s \* the primary mission of Romper Room. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/111 "2007-04-20T11:21:49Z")
[QUOTE=pulykamell] Well, it’s kind of a harsh way to phrase it, but from practical and realistic standpoint, that’s how it goes, no? [/QUOTE] Hmm… for many, maybe. I disagree, but who the hell am I to say? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/112 "2007-04-20T11:42:35Z")
[QUOTE=Reply] Hmm… for many, maybe. I disagree, but who the hell am I to say? [/QUOTE] Usually, until the “feelings hurt” involve actually real infractions that involve lawsuits. i.e. someone pulling in that kind of money can probably get buy with low level sexual harrassment - i.e. calling a woman “Baby” and making comments about her ass. If she tattles, she’s functionally going to be told to suck it up. If she files a claim, they’ll just pay it off. If he actually touches her breasts in front of witnesses, she tells him to stop - in front of witnesses, and he does it again - now she might have a leg to stand on. She still won’t have a job - and if the firm can manage to keep him in his, they will. But now he’s a significant liability. And now they aren’t just worried about him, because now you have a culture that “tolerates” that behavior from top producers - and if you get several people engaging in that behavior, you have class action suit. Suddenly, a guy who treats his female coworker with respect but only runs a 90 million dollar book doesn’t look like a bad deal. Says the person that had an executive vice president of a Fortune 100 fired over sexual harrassment - but it was aggreggious and I had evidence. He would have never gotten fired had it simply been “making me feel bad.” Different companies will have different cultures and different levels of tolerance. A women working your average oil rig job who starts complaining that “they guys swear and hurt my feelings” is not going to get very far. The same woman complaining in a small family owned conservative company where the owner is a very religious person probably will. There is behavior that is always actionable in the U.S., but it passes the “hurt my feelings” level - and taking action usually involves losing your job and getting a settlement check - which after you pay your legal bills, may leave you behind. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/113 "2007-04-20T12:13:42Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] You don’t do that sort of thing at your job? Huh. You must be a banker. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go “greet” a few girls in the office. And then comes the oral sex. [/QUOTE] Your office is really behind the times; you’ve completely reversed the sequence: Oral sex first, greetings second. That’s how it worked at my last job. Have I ever mentioned that I have difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality? I guess I have that in common with the Bushites. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/114 "2007-04-20T13:32:02Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Only if you think capitalism is a joke. Last I checked, the primary mission of any company is to make money, not to provide a warm safe huggy environment where everyone is equally loved and valued. \*That’s \* the primary mission of Romper Room. [/QUOTE] So you’re good with all the guys in your office who grab your ass without your consent? Last I checked, employers **do** have an obligation to provide a non-hostile workplace. The poster in your breakroom is my cite. Whether a whoopee cushion, beers after 4:00 on a Friday, or Nerf guns constitute hostile is open to interpretation. Unwelcome sexual advances and death threats are not. Whether the situation described in the OP is depends on a level of detail that the OP is not providing us. Probably not, but I would not be OK with my superiors, especially certain ones I really don’t get along with, doing such a thing to me. I wouldn’t call the cops, but that behavior would at least earn them an “excuse me?” In my penultimate last job, the culture was such that Nerf guns were not only acceptable, but almost mandatory. I didn’t like it. I was OK with people shooting other people, but I was not OK with people shooting at me. I found it not amusing at all to be ambushed with a ping pong ball to the back of my head while I was trying to read the SDMB, er, work. Call me a stick in the mud, call me a killjoy, call me a wimp, but I was goddam firm in insisting that I didn’t want to participate in that stupid shit. Funnily enough, the company still thought my posting, er, work, was good enough to continue to pay me an excellent salary despite my refusal to play Nerf Matrix 12 hours per day. As far as my office allowing oral sex before greetings, I’ll have to approach the office manager about a change in policy. I’m just not sure whether I should be wearing pants when I do so. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/115 "2007-04-20T13:50:04Z")
I’m with **Count Blucher**. In his OP he stated that there had been some ‘subtle animosity’. He later states that he has previously reported her to HR. It sounds to me like his boss is taking it to the next level. I don’t know where he works, but in the U.K., he might be able to file for constructive dismissal. I’d suggest **Count Blucher** either transfer out of her team or simply leave. Life’s too short. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/116 "2007-04-20T13:53:09Z")
[QUOTE= tdn] Call me a stick in the mud, call me a killjoy, call me a wimp, but I was goddam firm in insisting that I didn’t want to participate in that stupid shit. [/QUOTE] Can’t. It’s not the Pit. Besides, wouldn’t want to have to explain myself to the cops. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/117 "2007-04-20T13:54:57Z")
Well, there’s a difference between a little playfulness and harrassment; sexual or otherwise. I wouldn’t want to get shot in the back of the head with a ping pong ball either (if I’d already told them I wasn’t interested). However…calling the cops? It’s over the top. It sounds like given the fact he’s already admitted he overreacted, the OP probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought except for the fact that it was someone he feels animosity toward. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/118 "2007-04-20T14:23:04Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] Eventually there will be discovered an Amazonian tribe that actually does worship a Flying Spaghetti Monster, at which point it will no longer be appropriate to joke about the FSM or use It as a rhetorical device in religious debate. Because Lord knows if someone, somewhere kneels and mumbles a chant to something, it deserves deference. [/QUOTE] Yeah, those stupid foreigners with their strange practices, who cares about their feelings? Are you suggesting that Lucas and Spielberg independently created the notion of Kali worship and that to them the phrase “Kala Ma, shokti de” was made up nonsense and only afterwards was it discovered that these details were concidentally identical to a real religious practice? I have no problem mocking religion. I believe that most religious beliefs are beneath ridicule. However, it seems interesting to me that the producers of this particular movie would believe it okay to put one particular religious practice in a bad light as a throwaway detail to a movie, without any apparent sincere intent to criticize the religion. As I said, I would be interested to see the movie recut with the line replace with “Jesus, give me strength” and then watch what happens. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/119 "2007-04-20T14:27:53Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] Well, there’s a difference between a little playfulness and harrassment; sexual or otherwise. I wouldn’t want to get shot in the back of the head with a ping pong ball either (if I’d already told them I wasn’t interested). However…calling the cops? It’s over the top. [/QUOTE] That’s right. What you do is scream, “Fucking Hell! Stop it!” Then put vinegar into the coffee maker, dead fish in co-workers desk drawers, etc. Make pranks against you cost too much. Escalate beyond the pale. Or bring in a paintball marker and shoot the culprits in the nads, laugh and say, “Isn’t this fun?” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2007, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632/120 "2007-04-20T14:28:59Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] However…calling the cops? It’s over the top. It sounds like given the fact he’s already admitted he overreacted, the OP probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought except for the fact that it was someone he feels animosity toward. [/QUOTE] Once again agreed on the cops thing. Unless a reasonable person would have perceived an actual, credible threat to life and limb in that same situation (which is very unlikely but not entirely inconceivable), then the reaction was disproportionate. As far as touching coworkers and the level of animosity one feels towards them, that’s a huge gray area. I’ve hugged coworkers. I’ve kissed coworkers. In the long past, when Death Rays were all the rage, I’ve even had oral sex with coworkers (in one case, with a subordinate). But in almost every case, it was the coworker who initiated it, and there was zero animosity. No case of harassment could ever be made. But there’s a huge difference, in my mind at least, between an affectionate touch to the upper arm during a conversation and a fingerbang to the chest. One says “I like you”, and the other is implied violence, no matter how playful and well-intentioned it may have been. Coming from a superior with whom one has a history of animosity makes it even worse. And just days after a major news story about gun violence, even more so. Fingerbang to the chest all you want, but don’t be surprised if someone calls you on it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-ive-just-been-threatened-in-my-workplace/400632.md?page=7)