# I think my boyfriend is gay and in denial, what do I do. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2015, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024 "2015-01-05T10:33:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/41 "2015-01-05T23:59:50Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > What in the hell are you confused about? Get out your list of dating qualities and cross off “inattentive ex-con”. Move up the list until you get to someone who is socially stable and gives you the attention you want. > > Seriously. Welp yes. This cuts to the chase. Unless you’re a loser, you won’t want to be with a loser. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/42 "2015-01-06T00:01:23Z")
Perhaps he has a medical issue, performance anxiety, or just isn’t that into fucking. If it’s performance anxiety or similar then bringing another girl into bed would just make it worse, not better. You seem to have mixed up ‘likes pegging’ with ‘being bi’, at least based on what you’ve said so far. Plenty of straight guys enjoy anal stimulation. ---
**Author:** ![dazednconfused](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5e925/32.png) [@dazednconfused](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dazednconfused)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/43 "2015-01-06T00:37:23Z")
I’m better at just being blunt about shit. I have fucked him in his ass and while doing this he has said to me that he would be into another guy joining. Also that he would perform oral on the other guy etc. He has never actually said “I’m a bisexual” and when not having sex he acts like that disgusts him. he is really sure to delete any evidence of the porn he watches online and will sit ant watch porn for most the day on his phone. there are lots of good qualities about him. thats why i love him. my biggest problem is the attention im not getting. i dont want a relationship like that ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/44 "2015-01-06T01:01:52Z")
> [@dazednconfused](#): > > I’m better at just being blunt about shit. I have fucked him in his ass and while doing this he has said to me that he would be into another guy joining. Also that he would perform oral on the other guy etc. He has never actually said “I’m a bisexual” and when not having sex he acts like that disgusts him. he is really sure to delete any evidence of the porn he watches online and will sit ant watch porn for most the day on his phone. there are lots of good qualities about him. thats why i love him. my biggest problem is the attention im not getting. i dont want a relationship like that What good qualities? You refuse to say. Strangely enough. He sounds like an utter douchebag and a loser. I cannot imagine, in my lowest moments, being attracted to someone who sits and watches porn all day on his phone. Seriously, that has got to be the saddest definition of a human yet. And you love him for it. :dubious::rolleyes::smack: Okey dokey then. I guess you guys deserve each other. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/45 "2015-01-06T01:05:07Z")
> [@dazednconfused](#): > > I’m better at just being blunt about shit. I have fucked him in his ass and while doing this he has said to me that he would be into another guy joining. Also that he would perform oral on the other guy etc. He has never actually said “I’m a bisexual” and when not having sex he acts like that disgusts him. he is really sure to delete any evidence of the porn he watches online and will sit ant watch porn for most the day on his phone. there are lots of good qualities about him. thats why i love him. my biggest problem is the attention im not getting. i dont want a relationship like that Why wasn’t all of this in your first post? for being “blunt about shit” - you sure did take a long time to bring this up. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/46 "2015-01-06T01:09:52Z")
> [@dazednconfused](#): > > I’m better at just being blunt about shit. I have fucked him in his ass and while doing this he has said to me that he would be into another guy joining. Also that he would perform oral on the other guy etc. He has never actually said “I’m a bisexual” and when not having sex he acts like that disgusts him. he is really sure to delete any evidence of the porn he watches online and will sit ant watch porn for most the day on his phone. there are lots of good qualities about him. thats why i love him. my biggest problem is the attention im not getting. i dont want a relationship like that You’re in a relationship with a bisexual, chronic porn-watching, ex-con who doesn’t pleasure you. Yeah. Time to move on. Really. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/47 "2015-01-06T01:10:45Z")
You’re clearly not happy, end it. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/48 "2015-01-06T01:13:03Z")
I think you should try and fix him. Give it a year or two then move on if it doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/49 "2015-01-06T01:19:37Z")
> [@dazednconfused](#): > > I’m better at just being blunt about shit. No, actually you really suck at being “blunt about shit”. You really do. You might want to look up definitions for “blunt” and “shit.” Because seriously, this is not one of your strengths. Or even any of them. Don’t dig your hole any deeper. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/50 "2015-01-06T01:50:56Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > No, actually you really suck at being “blunt about shit”. You really do. You might want to look up definitions for “blunt” and “shit.” Because seriously, this is not one of your strengths. Or even any of them. Don’t dig your hole any deeper. Jesus, again with the being nasty to noobs? Were you bullied in school or something? ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/51 "2015-01-06T02:23:26Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > You’re in a relationship with a bisexual, chronic porn-watching, ex-con who doesn’t pleasure you. Yeah. Time to move on. Really. Who has a hard time getting and staying hard. And won’t go downtown. Um… What were those good qualities again? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/52 "2015-01-06T02:36:50Z")
I think the OP should being a dude (who is amenable to a threesome with another dude) home to watch pegging videos and see how the BF reacts to that. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/53 "2015-01-06T03:13:34Z")
The ex-con thing is kind of beside the point at this juncture. He paid his debt to society and moved on. The main point is that you have decided at age 25, that a man 15 years older than you who does not find you (a self described attractive women) all that sexually appealing is the best bet in front of you for a long term relationship, a life, and maybe a family and kids. This is an utterly insane decision. It’s almost the literal definition of nuts. This is not about him, this is all about you and your terrible, awful, not so good decision making. He is who he is. If he is in denial about his lust for cock it is highly probable you will eventually be roadkill when he decides to take the brakes off his “confusion” and moves on and up and out. There is NOTHING you can do about his sexual preferences. If you want a relationship with a man who desires you, you need to put on your big girl underwear and move on. This is 100% about you and your decisions, not him. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/54 "2015-01-06T05:02:52Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Who has a hard time getting and staying hard. And won’t go downtown. > Um… What were those good qualities again? Was that meant for me? If not why are you quoting me? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/55 "2015-01-06T05:42:21Z")
My take was to read your quote before the “Yeah” and **Inna** ’s together as a sentence. He was just agreeing with you and adding to it. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/56 "2015-01-06T09:01:07Z")
> [@dazednconfused](#): > > I’m better at just being blunt about shit. I have fucked him in his ass and while doing this he has said to me that he would be into another guy joining. Also that he would perform oral on the other guy etc. He has never actually said “I’m a bisexual” and when not having sex he acts like that disgusts him. he is really sure to delete any evidence of the porn he watches online and will sit ant watch porn for most the day on his phone. there are lots of good qualities about him. thats why i love him. my biggest problem is the attention im not getting. i dont want a relationship like that Well, that was blunt. Now listen to yourself. You don’t want a relationship like that. End it. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/57 "2015-01-06T13:52:37Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Was that meant for me? If not why are you quoting me? I read it as he was adding to your list of unattractive qualities of the BF. ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/58 "2015-01-06T15:34:41Z")
If you are blunt, be blunt with yourself. Why aren’t you leaving him? Are you scared to be alone? He sounds like he would be a good friend but maybe not boyfriend material for you. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/59 "2015-01-06T17:51:25Z")
> [@dazednconfused](#): > > i dont want a relationship like that This is the most important sentence in the whole thread. The obvious answer is “OK, so go and find a relationship that you DO want. You’re only 25; you’ve got plenty of time to find something better” ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024/60 "2015-01-06T18:43:49Z")
It sounds like the possibility that the boyfriend is gay is the very least of the issues in this relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-boyfriend-is-gay-and-in-denial-what-do-i-do/709024.md?page=4)