# I think my daughter is going to get proposed to tonight... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2011, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484 "2011-10-22T23:34:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/81 "2011-10-24T19:20:20Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Exactly. Imagine the idea of your guy having more “respsect” for your dad than for you! > > My boyfriend shows his respect for my parents by going to dinner with them, laughing at their jokes, showing up at parties, wishing them happy birthday, etc. He shows respect to me by doing, well, all that, plus not treating me like somebody’s property that might be in need of transfer. Well said. My husband is an extremely upstanding, beyond respectful man. I wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t. It had nothing to do with asking my father’s “blessing” (whatever that means). He was asking me to marry him- I’m the best judge of his suitability, no one else. And if I was marrying a jerk, my family is welcome to chime in and try to protect regardless if my boyfriend asks their opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/82 "2011-10-24T19:23:22Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > But then the girlfriend, who respects her parents enough to want their blessing in advance of saying “yes”, should apparently _not_ ask them directly, but should send her boyfriend to talk to her dad, to make sure he (and by extension, her mother) approves. > > Why? Same reason that most girls want a fairytale wedding where they get to be the princess for the day…tradition. Guys talk to dads primarily for tradition. People like tradition. Even when there’s a lot of forward thinking people that can break down a lot of reasons why it isn’t necessary…a lot of people like tradition. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/83 "2011-10-24T19:25:34Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Same reason that most girls want a fairytale wedding where they get to be the princess for the day…tradition. Guys talk to dads primarily for tradition. People like tradition. Even when there’s a lot of forward thinking people that can break down a lot of reasons why it isn’t necessary…a lot of people like tradition. Well it’s Doper tradition to dismantle sexist bullshit. Why are you going against tradition, **Omar**? People like tradition. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/84 "2011-10-24T19:25:54Z")
You know, a few years back, my SO sat down with his parents, without me around - I didn’t even know about the conversation - and told them that I was the girl for him, that he was planning to spend the rest of his life with me. And they said “Ok, then bring her around more often so we can get to know her better.” _That_ to me is respect, and love. TBH, I don’t really believe a father that thinks the boy HAS to ask him first is a good judge of what will make his daughter happy. There is something wrong with patriarchy, and I reject it wholly. Daddy does not necessarily know best. My father does not own me, not even for five minutes, not even for the sake of tradition. Oh yeah. “Tradition” just for the sake of itself is bullshit, I’m sorry. Every tradition should be examined to see if it’s worth carrying the baggages or its time to jettison it. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/85 "2011-10-24T19:30:22Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Well it’s Doper tradition to dismantle sexist bullshit. Why are you going against tradition, **Omar**? People like tradition. That’s fine. I got no problem with people wanting to call me on what they perceive as sexist bullshit. We just disagree. I do feel kind of bad for the derailment of BlinkingDuck’s thread about his daughter’s potential engagement that didn’t occur. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/86 "2011-10-24T19:30:24Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > [http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/28155944/ns/today-weddings/t/asking-dad-daughters-hand-has-staying-power/](http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/28155944/ns/today-weddings/t/asking-dad-daughters-hand-has-staying-power/) > > 73% of guys think it should be done. > 68% of girls think it’s okay but not neccesary. > > ETA: _me high fiving myself_ That just looks stupid. Not nearly as stupid as citing a survey done by [theknot.com](http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/marriage-proposals/articles/wedding-proposals-how-to-propose.aspx), a wedding website that (as near as I can tell) performed an online, self-selecting survey. Who do you think selects themselves to visit a website called [theknot.com](http://theknot.com) – people who aren’t particularly concerned with wedding conventions? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/87 "2011-10-24T19:33:03Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Who do you think selects themselves to visit a website called [theknot.com](http://theknot.com) – people who aren’t particularly concerned with wedding conventions? Most likely people that are getting married. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/88 "2011-10-24T19:37:13Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Most likely people that are getting married. I would never in a million years have dreamed of answering a survey on that website as my wedding approached. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that most people here wouldn’t, either. Are you seriously defending that cite as being at all relevant? It’s a little hard to believe that anyone could be around the dope more than a month and consider that a good cite. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/89 "2011-10-24T19:41:50Z")
And even though it’s a crappy survey, it’s rather telling that a majority of women stated that _it isn’t necessary_, which kind of implies that these women generally feel that they are their own person, they don’t belong to their fathers, they won’t belong to their husbands and that there’s no need for the two men to have a little talk about whether or not she’s allowed to choose her own mate. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/90 "2011-10-24T19:54:36Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I would never in a million years have dreamed of answering a survey on that website as my wedding approached. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that most people here wouldn’t, either. Are you seriously defending that cite as being at all relevant? It’s a little hard to believe that anyone could be around the dope more than a month and consider that a good cite. Of course it’s a good cite. Acceptable surveys aren’t supposed to be representative of the median doper population. If that’s the case, just put up a poll in the IMHO forum…cause we all know they are statistically representative…just look at all of the politcal polls that have been done and how well the rest of the country tracks with them. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/91 "2011-10-24T20:02:43Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Of course it’s a good cite. Acceptable surveys aren’t supposed to be representative of the median doper population. If that’s the case, just put up a poll in the IMHO forum…cause we all know they are statistically representative…just look at all of the politcal polls that have been done and how well the rest of the country tracks with them. :rolleyes: Oh, for pity’s sake. Acceptable surveys are supposed to be representative of the median **population** that we’re discussing. You suggested it was the norm, presumably for the American public (or Western public, or something like that). This survey is in no way acceptable as support for such a position. If instead your claim is that it’s the norm among the population of visitors to [theknot.com](http://theknot.com), that’s totally different. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/92 "2011-10-24T20:13:01Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Of course it’s a good cite. Acceptable surveys aren’t supposed to be representative of the median doper population. If that’s the case, just put up a poll in the IMHO forum…cause we all know they are statistically representative…just look at all of the politcal polls that have been done and how well the rest of the country tracks with them. :rolleyes: Good heavens. You never took a class on statistics, did you? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/93 "2011-10-24T20:17:46Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Oh, for pity’s sake. Acceptable surveys are supposed to be representative of the median **population** that we’re discussing. You suggested it was the norm, presumably for the American public (or Western public, or something like that). This survey is in no way acceptable as support for such a position. If instead your claim is that it’s the norm among the population of visitors to [theknot.com](http://theknot.com), that’s totally different. Where’s your cite that visitors to the Knot are not representative of people getting married in the US? You said you couldn’t find a survey and only could find one in the UK. You’re google fu must be weak, as I found that one in about 10 seconds. Now, since it doesn’t support your point of view, your attempt is to say that it isn’t sufficient because the Knot isn’t representative of the median population of the US. How so? My claim that the guy asking the girls dad is still the norm in the US still stands. Even if the girls don’t feel it’s necessary, most guys still do it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/94 "2011-10-24T20:20:49Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Where’s your cite that visitors to the Knot are not representative of people getting married in the US? > . Not representative of people getting married in the US. That cite is representative of people that are getting married in the US, who also go online, and subscribe to polls, and read the Knot - which, for example, I’ve never heard of. BTW, that article has this line: > [@](#): > > “The proposal is the one thing where he’s got all the control,” she said. Which pretty much says it all, to me. And I see that ‘Enrique’ took BOTH parents out to talk to them. Amazing, that. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/95 "2011-10-24T20:26:21Z")
The Knot is probably the biggest wedding-planning website in the US. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/96 "2011-10-24T20:46:23Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > That does create problems and is normally an indicator of behavior your future potential spouse will exhibit. OK, but can you acknowledge that for relationships where the mom is the one expressing the opinions in some relationships (or that there are relationships where both people express their own separate opinions), asking for the dad’s blessing before a proposal would be a silly way of showing respect. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/97 "2011-10-24T20:54:44Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > OK, but can you acknowledge that for relationships where the mom is the one expressing the opinions in some relationships (or that there are relationships where both people express their own separate opinions), asking for the dad’s blessing before a proposal would be a silly way of showing respect. Of course. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/98 "2011-10-24T21:01:22Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > That’s fine. I got no problem with people wanting to call me on what they perceive as sexist bullshit. We just disagree. > > I do feel kind of bad for the derailment of BlinkingDuck’s thread about his daughter’s potential engagement that didn’t occur. Hell no…go for it! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/99 "2011-10-24T21:03:10Z")
By the way, Omar, I’m 31. You honestly think a guy should be asking my dad for my hand - er, sorry, _blessing_ at this point? I have a mortgage! ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484/100 "2011-10-24T21:30:30Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > By the way, Omar, I’m 31. You honestly think a guy should be asking my dad for my hand - er, sorry, _blessing_ at this point? I have a mortgage! If you don’t want him to, then no. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-daughter-is-going-to-get-proposed-to-tonight/600484.md?page=6)