# I think my marriage is finished **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770 "2009-12-02T22:40:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/41 "2009-12-04T16:20:58Z")
I’m so sorry that this keeps dragging out. Hang in there, and know that your buddies here are hanging with you. . . ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/42 "2009-12-04T17:27:01Z")
As I understand things now, her attorney and mine are to have a summit meeting on Monday. Until then, all I can do is gnash my teeth and mutter curses. Hopefully I will have some new and better news to post Monday evening. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/43 "2009-12-04T17:38:14Z")
I hope so too, Louis! Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/44 "2009-12-04T17:39:56Z")
**LouisB** , I wish you peace of mind. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/45 "2009-12-04T20:54:58Z")
**Louis** , I don’t know what to say other than add to the chorus of “man, that sucks… man, that sucks worse!.. I hope things can get finalized soon” ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/46 "2009-12-04T21:29:04Z")
It’s sad when part of something you likes end, and I hate to be the bluebird of happiness, but really you don’t know what’s waiting ahead for you. Who knows the girl of your dreams could be just around the corner. OK probably not, but if you’re stuck in a marriage with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, that will never happen. Go on an move ahead, you don’t want to be disrespectful to your grief, and I know you’re not happy but, my friend learn one thing and learn this well. NEVER let anyone dictate your happiness. People say “It’s never to late, but in reality it’s usually later than you think,” so get out into the world." ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/47 "2009-12-04T21:41:11Z")
I fervently slap my head on your behalf. :smack::smack::smack: My divorce ended much differently than yours (if it ever ends!). When Mrs. Montoya and I made our final appearance, The Judge thought we were in the wrong room. 25 years (15 married) together had instilled in us, whether we liked it or not, a common sense of humor, and similar outlooks on adversity. We were all giggles and wise cracks. You can’t write sitcoms to match the interaction we provided the court. After the proceedings we had a nice lunch together and said buh-bye. Of course, for us, the emotional stuff was worked out a couple years ago and the divorce was just the formal result of realizing we could never work things out. But I remember the hell when it was hot and bad, and I wish you the best and strongest resolve. Hang in there, brother. It’s ok to NOT revel in her self-destruction, but you simply must not jump into the fire to save her (if you start thinking that way). ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/48 "2009-12-04T21:52:21Z")
Hang in there, man. This is sucky, but it will pass. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/49 "2009-12-04T22:04:53Z")
In a way, maybe its a good thing its at the end of the year, so 2010, new year, new decade, good round number, maybe a good start over. May the next decade bring about kickass times for you, **LouisB**. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/50 "2009-12-04T22:37:42Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > As I understand things now, her attorney and mine are to have a summit meeting on Monday. Until then, all I can do is gnash my teeth and mutter curses. Hopefully I will have some new and better news to post Monday evening. I hope they get everything worked out. So sorry you’re having to go through all of this. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/51 "2009-12-08T17:31:19Z")
Just wondering how things went on Monday, **LouisB**. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/52 "2009-12-08T17:47:13Z")
My thoughts with you LouisB. My ex made me file 3 times because he kept screwing up our divorce hearing dates. But now it’s 4 years later and he’s out of my life and it’s very good. **hugs** ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/53 "2009-12-08T18:29:11Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > My thoughts with you LouisB. > > My ex made me file 3 times because he kept screwing up our divorce hearing dates. > > But now it’s 4 years later and he’s out of my life and it’s very good. **hugs** Be glad you’re not this friend of ours. Our friend met a guy and wanted to get married. He was already married to someone else, legally, but he said that they were in the process of finalizing the divorce. Wedding day kept getting closer and closer and still no finalization from his ex, apparently he was still waiting for paperwork from the lawyer. They did eventually get married, despite the divorce not being final. I forget how exactly it was done, I think the impression was given that finalization was just days away so the official paperwork from our friend’s marriage would just be processed a couple days later when the divorce is finalized. Fast forward fifteen months. Our friend discoveres a few things about her hubby: first off that he never filed for divorce, his ex’s lawyer has been trying to reach him all this time to finalize and he just took the lawyer’s communiques with him from the mailbox before our friend could find them. Also, our friend discovered that he had been cheating on her, with another man (and that the outfit (dress, heels, bra) that she found that he bought wasn’t for her (it was for himself). This moved her to dump his ass, and quickly. I believe this divorce is at least proceeding swifter than his last one. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/54 "2009-12-08T19:04:28Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > Be glad you’re not this friend of ours. > > Our friend met a guy and wanted to get married. He was already married to someone else, legally, but he said that they were in the process of finalizing the divorce. Wedding day kept getting closer and closer and still no finalization from his ex, apparently he was still waiting for paperwork from the lawyer. They did eventually get married, despite the divorce not being final. I forget how exactly it was done, I think the impression was given that finalization was just days away so the official paperwork from our friend’s marriage would just be processed a couple days later when the divorce is finalized. > > Fast forward fifteen months. Our friend discoveres a few things about her hubby: first off that he never filed for divorce, his ex’s lawyer has been trying to reach him all this time to finalize and he just took the lawyer’s communiques with him from the mailbox before our friend could find them. Also, our friend discovered that he had been cheating on her, with another man (and that the outfit (dress, heels, bra) that she found that he bought wasn’t for her (it was for himself). This moved her to dump his ass, and quickly. I believe this divorce is at least proceeding swifter than his last one. Well, if he was still married - there would be no divorce . . .right? My bf has a fb friend that just happened to - seems her husband wasn’t really her husband at all since he never divorced the first one. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/55 "2009-12-08T21:37:03Z")
Yeah, I don’t think you need to divorce someone who wasn’t able to legally marry in the first place. I wouldn’t bet money on my knowledge of polygamy, though. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/56 "2009-12-08T22:16:01Z")
> [@MoodIndigo1](#): > > Just wondering how things went on Monday, **LouisB**. From what I understand, not all that well. That is, things went well between the two attorneys but Marcie refused to honor the agreement that was reached and now has given her attorney a list of “documents” she wants me to sign; I won’t have a copy of them until tomorrow at the earliest. I think my attorney and I are going to file our own motion for divorce; I don’t know what else to do. I’ve never been quite so frustrated in my life. ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/57 "2009-12-08T22:22:02Z")
Keep your chin up, **LouisB**. We are hoping the best for you. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770/58 "2009-12-08T22:28:06Z")
Dealing with unreasonable people can be frustrating. Sounds like your best bet is indeed to get your own divorce going–at least that way one of you will get the thing over with. It might make it easier if you just wire it up in your head as “something you must do” and just proceed with ironclad conviction that you’re right. Don’t put your heart and soul into it, don’t go for revenge, just take your marriage out behind the shed and put a bullet in its brain. I don’t really know either of you two, but when my soon-to-be-ex finally realized divorce was going to be a reality she got a little “flaky” and tried to make things difficult. There’s probably a pop-psych word for it, but I wonder if she’s coming apart like this as a process of self-punishment? Doesn’t make a lot of sense, I know, but people in emotional distress seldom do. Whatever. Good luck and hold onto yourself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-marriage-is-finished/519770.md?page=2)