# I think my pet rock is sick. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 24, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626 "2014-01-24T16:53:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rain\_Soaked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rain\_Soaked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rain_Soaked)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/21 "2014-01-24T20:23:28Z")
Lava all you wanta guys. This is a serious problem. Try taking him out. Maybe mountain biking or to a rock concert. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/22 "2014-01-24T20:26:03Z")
Maybe it has kidney stones. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/23 "2014-01-24T20:28:40Z")
Wait, is Dwayne Hawaiian? His condition might be the beginnings of Pele’s vengeance. Send him home, send him home now! ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/24 "2014-01-24T20:33:36Z")
Maybe he thinks you’re taking him for granite. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/25 "2014-01-24T20:48:45Z")
Rocks aren’t like other pets, they only eat or move when they are sick, otherwise they’re fine. Most rock breeds have robust health and rarely get sick. If it starts eating or moving then your rock has a very serious illness and is trying to cure itself by eating or moving. If this happens you must take him to your local geologist ASAP. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/26 "2014-01-24T20:50:35Z")
Are you sure Duane is male? She would be a pregnant female; watch to see if there are any pebbles in her bed. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/27 "2014-01-24T20:53:39Z")
Just skip it. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/28 "2014-01-24T21:04:55Z")
> [@Mr.Nylock](#): > > Rocks aren’t like other pets, they only eat or move when they are sick, otherwise they’re fine. Most rock breeds have robust health and rarely get sick. If it starts eating or moving then your rock has a very serious illness and is trying to cure itself by eating or moving. If this happens you must take him to your local geologist ASAP. That is only partially true. It may be fine but it is usually too late once symptoms set in. If you wait to take it to the clinical geologist, you may get stuck with a hefty bill and the news that it only has 2 - 3 billion years left to live and there is nothing more than can do. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/29 "2014-01-24T22:31:37Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > ^ Complete metamorphosis. As Dwayne Lane awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a monstrous rock that kind of just sat there. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/30 "2014-01-24T23:11:00Z")
Take him to the quarry and throw him down there. (with apologies to **Zeldar** in post #3 above. ;)) ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/31 "2014-01-25T00:45:09Z")
You rock dude! If only more people would adopt, we wouldn’t have so many strays. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/32 "2014-01-25T01:11:53Z")
Surely there must be one – I can think of warthogs, rats, alligators and all sorts of vertebrates – but i can’t remember a single cartoon mineral. So if you could look at Mickey Mouse as a model (with a mouse having a dog as a pet) you could get Dwayne a critter to keep him company. Sort of a sidelump. What would work? A slug? An amoeba? A barnacle? One of those West Coast teams has a [quahog](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quahog) as a mascot. That might work: a rock and a clam out cavorting through the world getting into all sorts of mischief and intrigue. Just a thought… ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/33 "2014-01-25T01:24:58Z")
Try screaming “Jezebel” loudly while having fantastic sex in front of Dwayne. This method has proven effective on at least one occasion. **Capt** ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/34 "2014-01-25T01:43:19Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > You rock dude! If only more people would adopt, we wouldn’t have so many strays. when those unruly individuals congregate then you have riots and rock slides. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/35 "2014-01-25T03:06:20Z")
The avalanche has started; it is too late for the pebbles to vote. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/36 "2014-01-25T03:27:42Z")
Is it gathering moss? That’s a bad sign. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/37 "2014-01-25T03:45:31Z")
I hate to break it to you, but he’s as good as doomed in these dark days of socialized medicine and death panels. Joe the Plumber tried to warn us. Thanks Obama! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![troubledwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@troubledwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troubledwater)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/38 "2014-01-25T04:00:45Z")
That’s great that you were willing to adopt outside your own species, but Dwayne needs some role models of his own kind to look up to. You could spend some time together watching the **TOS** episode **The Devil in the Dark** and discussing the Horta’s Heroic Journey. Also, you could introduce him to the classic rock monster scene from **Galaxy Quest** , if you think he’s old enough to understand the subtext. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/39 "2014-01-25T04:04:36Z")
Oh, I see. You have him flush against the wall. You need to have something between a rock and a hard place, otherwise everything all just goes to hell. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/40 "2014-01-25T04:14:46Z")
Are you keeping his sandbox evenly heated? If it’s too cold, he may think it’s time to hibernate. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626.md?page=3)