# I think my pet rock is sick. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 24, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626 "2014-01-24T16:53:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/41 "2014-01-25T04:33:01Z")
Have you checked his temperature. He might turn into liquid Dwayne-O ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/42 "2014-01-25T14:24:15Z")
While it could just be a mineral deficiency, I can’t rule out that you should give him a good beating. What? I’ve known people who were as dense as rocks & half a smart. I good beating fixed them right up… ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/43 "2014-01-25T16:59:44Z")
Whatever you do, make sure you have him neutered. It’s the socially responsible thing to do; having his stones removed. If it makes him feel self-conscious, you might consider getting him some neuticles. Perhaps some shiny agates. Or, maybe some smooth obsidian ones. Since they’re smooth, they would be easier to lick. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/44 "2014-01-25T17:30:51Z")
geez, just take him out on the lake and let him have a nice long swim. Just don’t put in him with a sack of cats. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/45 "2014-01-25T17:53:53Z")
He’s pining for the fjords. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/46 "2014-01-25T22:29:24Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > I 'spect you’re gonna have to get in touch with **Snowboarder Bo** for guidance. > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Take him to the quarry and throw him down there. > > (with apologies to **Zeldar** in post #3 above. ;)) Hilarious! This thread makes me want to get a pet rock. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/47 "2014-01-25T22:46:46Z")
Has he had a scare lately? He sounds petrified. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/48 "2014-01-26T03:02:11Z")
> [@armedmonkey](#): > > He hasn’t touched his food since I brought him home and I don’t think he’s moved all day. Is this part of a normal adjustment period, or does Dwayne need to go to the geologist? Have you considered that maybe Dwayne was just born that way? Not all rocks are meant to roll. I’ve had rocks that were perfectly content to live out their lives as bookends and doorstops. Placing unrealistic expectations on a sedentary rock can lead to psychological problems that he’ll act out on later, like falling on your head. We just have to accept rocks for who they are. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/49 "2014-01-26T03:04:10Z")
Have you turned your rock lately? I know not turning can be a problem with stones. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/50 "2014-01-26T04:03:24Z")
I think the problem is its sedimentary lifestyle. You need to make sure it gets more activity. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/51 "2014-01-26T04:41:17Z")
> [@Esox\_Lucius](#): > > Have you considered that maybe Dwayne was just born that way? Not all rocks are meant to roll. I’ve had rocks that were perfectly content to live out their lives as bookends and doorstops. Placing unrealistic expectations on a sedentary rock can lead to psychological problems that he’ll act out on later, like falling on your head. We just have to accept rocks for who they are. Perhaps that’s metamorphic, but it just sounds igneous to me. “You better lava me now or lava me not…” - Jimmy Buffett ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/52 "2014-01-26T17:00:17Z")
Did you drive him home? That probably just rocked him to sleep. Try waking him up. It should be relatively easy. It’s not rock science, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/53 "2014-01-26T23:49:33Z")
Maybe he misses his mother? Put him beside a quartz heater, and see if that does the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2014, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/54 "2014-01-27T12:14:15Z")
OMG This thread…tip of my tongue…arrgh…gottit - rocks. Whew. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/55 "2014-01-27T14:29:00Z")
Does it sing along to an old Simon and Garfunkel song? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2014, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/56 "2014-01-27T14:42:15Z")
Just put a thermo-concrete patch on it (like Bones did) and wait for it to heal. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/57 "2014-01-27T14:43:43Z")
Have you tried to explain your expectations? While dogs are pretty good at picking up their masters’ expectations, rocks tend to be more dense. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/58 "2014-01-27T15:30:42Z")
Most household rocks need an exercise wheel. You can find a good rock tumbler at any hobby shop. I bet he’ll develop a shiny coat in no time! Unless you have a pumice. Pumice don’t do so well in tumblers, but they like to swim. A nice dish of water to float in would do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/59 "2014-01-27T23:06:29Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Just put a thermo-concrete patch on it (like Bones did) and wait for it to heal. I wouldn’t try treating until you have positive confirmation that the rock is actually guarding eggs… like it leaves a message explaining its non-violent intentions (or its desire to continue living; hard to tell with lithic grammar) Never mind, I’m clearly just talking crazy schist now. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626/60 "2014-01-28T16:31:16Z")
Maybe Dwayne just wants to visit family; his gniesses and nephews. One big happy conglomerate! It can be tuff to figure out what the problem can be sometimes, maybe he needs to see a (geologic) play like Pyrites of Penzance or maybe a nice philosophic discussion about Porphyry. Sorry.😛 No, I’m not… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-pet-rock-is-sick/679626.md?page=4)