# I think my relationship is about to go down in flames **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 5, 2011, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816 "2011-05-05T05:19:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/141 "2011-05-17T15:57:00Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > and little things like verbal consent are mere technicalities. Wait, what? He’s a rapist now? I think most of us here agree on his faults, but this seems a little out of the blue. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/142 "2011-05-17T16:16:05Z")
I wouldn’t project “rapist” onto him either. My sense is that he just thinks he’ll be able to put the moves on and get her to change her mind. A clean break is the best. The “let’s be friends” thing is for the birds. I don’t understand why people do it. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/143 "2011-05-17T16:16:10Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > and little things like verbal consent are mere technicalities. Whoa there, what??? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/144 "2011-05-17T16:32:02Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > The “I’ll be a gentleman” line is raising red flags for me. Just because he’s promising to be a “gentleman” doesn’t mean that he’s promising to not make a move on you/try to get in your pants/whatever. It also sounds to me like the sort of bullshit self-delusion that a guy might use to convince himself that you really want to screw (or why have him over), and little things like verbal consent are mere technicalities. Been there, huh? Nothing like a little projection to keep the thread spicy! ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/145 "2011-05-17T16:37:16Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > My sense is that he just thinks he’ll be able to put the moves on and get her to change her mind. I think he knows that it’s a pretty good bet too. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/146 "2011-05-17T16:56:53Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Wait, what? He’s a rapist now? > > I think most of us here agree on his faults, but this seems a little out of the blue. Sorry to freak people out. I’m not saying that he is a rapist. But to me, the proper response to “We’re not having that kind of relationship any more” is not “I’ll be a gentleman”. It’s “That’s ok, I just want to hang out and watch TV with you”. “I’ll be a gentleman” sounds to me like “I’ll do just as much as I think I can get away with”. And it does occasionally happen that some people are self-delusional enough that they can go over the line. May I also point out that at least **Acsenray** converted my _might be_ to _is_. However that happened, it’s a misleading interpretation of my post. If you have a problem with that, feel free to start a thread about it. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/147 "2011-05-18T11:38:04Z")
What I took from **Zyada** ’s post I agree with - if he has to reiterate that he’ll ‘be a gentleman’, that’s creepy. Imagine if you had a friend you’re happy to let borrow your clothes for months. Then you put a stop to it, but every time they came over they said, “I’m not going to steal your clothes!” The first time you’d laugh nervously but after that it would get weird for them to say it every time they talked about coming over. It would make you think they were trying too hard to convince you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/148 "2011-05-19T00:52:15Z")
I am not friends with people who are “disgusted” with me, and the re-iterating how he’ll “be a gentleman” is indeed creepy. I agree with everyone else; continuing to see this guy at all will end up with a slide back to exactly where you were. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816/149 "2011-05-19T01:13:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > The internet? That Al Gore is quite the matchmaker, ain’t he?? TeeHee. I think that my Al Gore-Internet jokes are almost as funny as my Colin Quinn-unfunniest comedian jokes!😃 Best wishes, hh [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-my-relationship-is-about-to-go-down-in-flames/580816.md?page=7)