# I think we are being invaded by Smurfs (or: mushroom hell) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-we-are-being-invaded-by-smurfs-or-mushroom-hell/193599 "2003-08-07T15:27:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-we-are-being-invaded-by-smurfs-or-mushroom-hell/193599/1 "2003-08-07T15:27:18Z")
In the last couple of weeks, I have started noticing mushrooms. LOTS and LOTS of mushrooms. More mushrooms than I have ever seen before. In my backyard, at work (where the immaculately manicured sod/turf even has them this year!), at the park, everywhere I go. I think it’s amazing–I know mushrooms are very persistent and are, of course, around every year, but I’ve never seen _this many_. But, then, my “parental” worries start to take over. See, I’ve got [this little boy](http://pages.sbcglobal.net/troub/tino/May/), 8 months old, and I usually just toss him out into our fenced backyard to pee, etc. Lately, when I’ve done this in the morning, I go to let him in and find him licking or snacking on some kind of mushroom. (:eek: ). This is not good. Many mushrooms, as anyone knows, are deadly poisonous. So, I’ve been running around the backyard destroying any mushroom I can find, yet still he manages to find some. I was very concerned (and I still am, even though he’s not sick). I tried to look up and identify these mushrooms, and realized that most mushrooms look pretty much the same except for some little details. So, during the course of my research I managed to scare myself to death thinking that the shrooms in the backyard _could be_ [death caps](http://members.aol.com/basidium/deathcap.html), but finally decided that they didn’t look like those at all. Sanity prevailed. I am 95% sure that the mushrooms in my backyard are [Russula variata](http://www.bluewillowpages.com/mushroomexpert/russula_variata.html). They look exactly like the one in the lower picture, top right-hand corner. They break easily (like chalk), and have white gills (I need to check for the forking when I get home). The qualities of color, size, shape, texture, gills, stem, etc. all converge to match the shrooms in my backyard. Thankfully, they don’t appear to be poisonous, and are apparently actually edible. > [@](#): > > [MushroomExpert.Com](http://MushroomExpert.Com) contributor John David Moore has eaten it a few times, and reports that while it isn’t exactly a delicacy, it is “not bad.” My pup seems to like them very much. Or maybe he’s more interested in digging out the little blue people I’ve seen living underneath them. . .but that might’ve had something to do with mushrooms _I_ may have eaten. I’m still on guard since new mushrooms pop up every single freaking morning, I’ll never know what might be out there tomorrow morning. Stupid fungus. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-we-are-being-invaded-by-smurfs-or-mushroom-hell/193599/2 "2003-08-07T19:31:16Z")
Are you sure they are not [fungi from Yuggoth](http://www.paratime.ca/v_and_v/fungi.html) ? ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-think-we-are-being-invaded-by-smurfs-or-mushroom-hell/193599/3 "2003-08-07T20:14:25Z")
Well, my shrooms certainly weigh less than 166 lbs., and they don’t seem agile at all (I’m not sure _how_ agile “22” represents, but I’d give mine a 0). Maybe their parents are around somewhere, though. That might explain the canned brain I found behind my trash can the other night. > [@](#): > > a. Human Transport Canisters (Cyborg Power Device): Upon the realization that the victim is nothing but a brain floating in a canister, he must make a percentage saving throw vs. Intelligence/2 or succumb to insanity