# I thought I was a newbie, but Noooo! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065 "2005-04-06T17:47:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/21 "2005-04-07T17:31:28Z")
The shower cap is strictly an amenity we offer – totally optional on your part. The rest of the list, however… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/22 "2005-04-07T18:14:31Z")
> [@sneezy5660](#): > > Shower caps, canola oil, and trebuchets? I don’t recall this in the membership agreement. I think since I really joined in 2003, I shouldn’t get an initiation. isn’t there a statute of limitations on these things? I believe so! Things have… changed. _twitch_ > [@](#): > > Mariah the squid should be allright as long as she doesn’t start singing! Uh oh. You have insulted the squid. We can’t be responsible for the results. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/23 "2005-04-07T18:59:46Z")
Insulted the squid? But–isn’t Mariah supposed to be gentle an– _flash of tentacles_ Oh, dear. :eek: :eek: :eek: Everybody duck! ( **sneezy** , **Silver Fire** is much of the wise–most of my posts are absolutely nonsense. 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/24 "2005-04-07T20:17:36Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > ( **sneezy** , **Silver Fire** is much of the wise–most of my posts are absolutely nonsense. 😉 ) But they’re such charming nonsense! 🙂 I real–AAAIIEEE!!! _ **DUCK** _ ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/25 "2005-04-07T20:29:13Z")
_flings **Sunspace** out harm’s way just in time, gets wrapped by a tentacle_ RUN! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/26 "2005-04-07T21:16:45Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Everybody duck! > [@Sunspace](#): > > **DUCK** Well, whaddaya know. It echoed. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/27 "2005-04-08T00:16:08Z")
:eek: :eek: :eek: Ahhh-- _being flung about by the tentacles and flailed everywhere_ > [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Well, whaddaya know. It echoed. –hey, cool, it did! 🆒 A step in the fight against ignorance!– –ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! _more flailing and thrashing_ :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/28 "2005-04-08T02:12:27Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I real–AAAIIEEE!!! _ **DUCK** _ No, he ain’t kidding. Thats one hell of a duck! **Webbed Feet of DEATH!!!** :eek: Everyone, watch out! Umm, **sneezy** , this is no time to be humping the… uhh… never mind… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/29 "2005-04-08T02:52:48Z")
:: **Sunspace** regains consciousness, to find himself lying against the wall where the tentacles had thrown him. He looks around. :: :: **Kythereia** is in the grip of tentacles–but they are not Mariah’s tentacles. These tentacles are darker and burlier, and they extend into the room through the wide doorway that leads to the Squid Storage Room. The doors that formerly closed thise doorway sag open, half torn from their hinges. :: :: Smashed furniture, pools of water, and unidentifiable deposits litter the room. It is difficult to see what is going on. :: :: Mariah has retreated to her tank, and is cowering from one of the most frightening things **Sunspace** has ever seen… :: _Duck!!!_ :: Its massive head turns toward him. :: Oh _crap_. :: Shakily, **Sunspace** gets to his feet. **sneezy5660** seems to be occupied on the other side of the room, and the way is blocked by the über-duck anyways. There is no choice but to go towards the tentacles. :: **Keapon**! Try to get to the other side of the doorway where the tentacles are! Maybe we can slam the doors on them and startle [b[Kyth\*\* loose! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/30 "2005-04-08T12:00:04Z")
BANZAI!!! I mean: So, what’d I miss? Oh. Heh. _slowly backs through the doorway from whence he came_ ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/31 "2005-04-08T14:20:10Z")
**Daithi Lacha**! Don’t be a stranger! Stay a while! Urrgghh! :: The last interjection comes as **Sunspace** and **Keapon Laffin** slam the doors on the tentacles. They jerk and recoil, dropping **Kythereia** :: ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/32 "2005-04-08T14:53:21Z")
Waitaminnit! _I’m_ a duck! I _speak_ Duck! kwaa kwa kwaakwakwa kwakwaakwaa kwa kwaakwaakwaa kwa wak wak wak Oops. I can’t remember if I just said **"We are Emmisaries of Peace, and welcome you"** or **"Romans go home."** ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/33 "2005-04-08T16:13:37Z")
Ooof! _lands with a thud_ **Sunspace** , **Keapon** , how can I ever th– _looks up at the massive duck_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/34 "2005-04-08T16:38:27Z")
:: The massive duck lumbers towards the door where **Daithi Lacha** retreated. :: :: It jams its head through the doorway, twisting and turning, trying to see where **Daithi** went. :: quaaacckk :: The duck’s utterance shakes the room. Maria, in her tank, retreats to a corner. The other tentacles suddenly retreat, vanishing between the half-closed doors to the Squid Storage Room. :: Well, that’s one good thing at least. I just hope the duck doesn’t wreck the stairwell. I don’t want to lose the way to the mountain door… Oh, **Kythereia** , didn’t you know? We found a way out. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/35 "2005-04-08T16:45:20Z")
Really? _grabs Sunspace’s hand_ Where do we go? _ducks as the duck turns around and charges with a resounding QUACK_ ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/36 "2005-04-08T16:54:21Z")
_in crumbling doorway_ Quick! Down here! I think I succeeded in insulting it’s mother… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/37 "2005-04-08T16:55:12Z")
Follow me. :: **Kythereia** and **Sunspace** duck around the duck and run to the stairwell door. The duck cannot turn quickly enough to catch them before they’re ttough the door. :: :: They run down the stairs, and enter the lower room. The mountain door–blessed be!–is still open. A fresh invigourating breeze comes through it. The rootlike vines from the first door are even thicker, and the leaves shade the doorway. The pool of water has dried up, leaving a white residue on the floor. :: Look! :: They run to the door, and out onto the sunny mountain grass. :: ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/38 "2005-04-08T16:56:36Z")
_jumps for joy and smooches both Sunspace and Daithi Lacha_ We’re free! We’re free! We’re– **QUACK!** …oh no. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/39 "2005-04-08T17:02:23Z")
:: The mighty cry of the duck echoes from the door, accompanied by crashing sounds. :: It’s trying to come down the stairs! It must have-- uh oh. Where’s **sneezy**? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/40 "2005-04-08T17:04:19Z")
We’ve got to go back in after her! We can’t lose a newbie! _grabs arrows, runs back in_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065.md?page=3)