# I thought I was a newbie, but Noooo! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065 "2005-04-06T17:47:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/61 "2005-04-08T20:52:15Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Oh, here, is this your +3 Vorpal? I found it over there somewhere… _passes it over_ Yeah, heh heh… _through gritted teeth_ Thanks, **Kythereia**! To the Storage Room! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/62 "2005-04-08T21:08:51Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > …don’t storm the evil monster’s lair without me!) How do we know it’s evil? It could just be misunderstood and hurtin’. Hey, it’s _possible_… :: eases towards the sagging double doors that lead to the Squid Storage Room :: :: there is a dark movement behind them :: Everyone… _be alert_. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/63 "2005-04-08T21:12:53Z")
Hey, it could be an engendered species! I’m sorry, “_endangered_.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/64 "2005-04-08T21:12:58Z")
:: They move arounf the cooling body of the giant duck. A bubbling _quuuuck_ fills the air as the squiduck, or whatever it is, which is still in the room, senses their movement. :: Crud. Tentacles on one side, feathers on the other. It never ends. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/65 "2005-04-08T21:13:11Z")
Haha! Monster slayin’! My favoriye time of the week! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/66 "2005-04-08T21:16:55Z")
Yeah, well, keep that axe handy. Those tentacles are damn fast at times, and we still don’t know what that _thing_ behind us can do. [sub]I really wish I’d taken those swordsmanship lessons now… the last time I did this, I was able to distract the squid with a goat-smelly towel. [/sub] :: picks up a big stick :: ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/67 "2005-04-08T21:31:55Z")
Wait a minute! Whare’s the robo-goat, I have an idea. Let’s see how that squck like our initiation ritual! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/68 "2005-04-08T21:42:06Z")
Good idea. Unfortunately, the only one who can handle the RoboGoat is **Hal Briston**. And Hal has never let anyone else use his remote. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/69 "2005-04-08T21:55:32Z")
Damn! Well, I gues I’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way. This’ll be messy. Unless someone has found a 1920’s style deathray just lying around. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/70 "2005-04-08T22:39:11Z")
Is _that_ what that was? :: twiddles ON switch :: - BZZZOWNT \* Ooops. ---
**Author:** ![sneezy5660](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@sneezy5660](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sneezy5660)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2005, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/71 "2005-04-08T23:53:15Z")
Good grief guys! I leave to take care of some business, and you find a giant squck! Younguns these days, can’t even take care of some Texas sized vermin. I don’t have a +3 Vorpal or a 1920’s style Death Ray, but I do have my West Texas Nucular Cattle (I mean squck) Prod. Everybody stand back, I’m goin’ in!!! Remember the Alamo!! (or somethin’ like that. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/72 "2005-04-09T01:20:46Z")
Hey! We found **sneezy**! 🙂 Sorry about that hole in the wall. Was that your office? [sub]and sorry about the hole in the wall behind it, and the one in the wall behind that, and…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/73 "2005-04-09T01:56:44Z")
Does this mean, that when I subscribe, I have to…? If I get attacked by a squck, is it allowable to sic a 28 lb cat on it? ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/74 "2005-04-09T02:49:00Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > Does this mean, that when I subscribe, I have to…? If I get attacked by a squck, is it allowable to sic a 28 lb cat on it? Yes. Yes it is. WTCH OUT FOR THE TENTICLE! ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/75 "2005-04-09T03:51:22Z")
MMEEEEEEEEERRRRRROW! Poor Mr. Spock. I didn’t know uhuuuuuggl… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/76 "2005-04-10T00:23:15Z")
(sorry. I was off the net for a while. Ummm… no bad reason. Honest.) :: looks around :: What the _fmeeep?!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/77 "2005-04-10T00:40:21Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Tentacles on one side, feathers on the other. It never ends. No, it never does. Everybody sing now: squids to the left of me feathers to the right here I am duck in the middle with you, yeah I’m duck in the middle with you. . . Welcome, **sneezy**. After the initiation, it gets easier. I promise. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/78 "2005-04-10T03:51:58Z")
It does? Oh! Oh yes, it does, yes it does. :: noddle :: 🙂 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/79 "2005-04-11T17:43:55Z")
_grabs Sunspace and yanks him out of the way, just as the Squck crashes through the doors_ To arms! _ **For the Straight Dope Message Board!** _ _fires off arrows everywhere_ ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065/80 "2005-04-11T18:08:49Z")
Aiiee!!! BZZOWNT!! BZZOWNT BZOWNNNT!! BZZOWN-ip gurgle :: pause :: _thump_ _bang_ Crud. Batteries must have died. And where am I going to get a ‘B’-size battery at this time of day? And the squck is still coming in spite of the holes! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-thought-i-was-a-newbie-but-noooo/298065.md?page=5)