# I told my husband to leave. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053 "2002-10-27T01:44:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/1 "2002-10-27T01:44:53Z")
I’ve had it. You know, things are pretty bad when even the marriage counselor thinks you should make him leave. I talked to her alone and at length, and she has come to the same conclusion I have: I’ve done everything I can, he is not making an effort to preserve our marriage, and I cannot live with his emotional abuse any longer. So I told him to leave, and he refused. And then he started being very sweet and loving and nice again, of course. For the moment. I don’t even want him to be nice, because I KNOW it’s a temporary thing, and he’s only doing it to appease me long enough to talk me out of giving up on our relationship. Now we’re still in the same house, being nice to each other. He’s trying to pretend all is well, and I’m waiting until we see the marriage counselor again before I push the issue anymore. But in short: I’ve had it. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t WANT to do it anymore, and I will do whatever it takes to get myself and my kids back into a healthy situation. _sigh_ I just don’t know what it’s gonna take. Just thought I’d mention this to some of my thousands of closest friends. . . Thanks karol ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/2 "2002-10-27T01:48:50Z")
(((( **bodypoet** )))) My situation is much more similar to yours than I really care to admit. Please, feel free to email if you need a shoulder. Much love, Cristi ---
**Author:** ![Snugglebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snugglebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snugglebear)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/3 "2002-10-27T01:53:47Z")
Hey when enough is enough… Good luck to you bodypoet, and marrage counseling is a great idea…Let us know how things turn out. ---
**Author:** ![Nevermind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@Nevermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nevermind)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/4 "2002-10-27T02:11:51Z")
Wow. That was brave of you. Please consider consulting an attorney prior to a separation to protect yourself against vengeful acts legally and financially from your husband. Stay strong– ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/5 "2002-10-27T02:26:29Z")
{{{{{{{bodypoet and family}}}}} I’m sorry things are so desperate and I hope you find a way to separate without too much more drama. If you need a shoulder, my email’s in my profile. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/6 "2002-10-27T02:33:58Z")
A divorce kicking off with a motion for exclusive possession of the home etc. might be worth discussing with your counsellor and your attorney. ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/7 "2002-10-27T03:24:26Z")
you tried the marriage counselor. now see a lawyer. sorry best wishes ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/8 "2002-10-27T03:31:03Z")
Make sure you have some emergency cash handy. Pay _close_ attention to the checkbook and credit cards. It’s only just started. Good luck. Keep us informed. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/9 "2002-10-27T04:22:41Z")
((bodypoet)) I wish you strength–you’re doing the right thing, keep on with it. ---
**Author:** ![Snugglebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snugglebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snugglebear)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/10 "2002-10-27T04:49:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\*A divorce kicking off with a motion for exclusive possession of the home etc. might be worth discussing with your counsellor and your attorney. \*\* How about keeping the blood sucking lawyers outa this thread for the moment… ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/11 "2002-10-27T04:56:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bodypoet \* > \*\*So I told him to leave, and he refused. \*\* (How to say this without sounding like an asshole…?) It’s his house, and they’re his kids, too. If you feel like you’re in any physical danger, I’d advise _you_ to leave, or else get a restraining order. Lacking either of those, enjoy the calm you say you’re having before the divorce storm hits. I wish you luck. ---
**Author:** ![jacksen9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce73a5/32.png) [@jacksen9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacksen9)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/12 "2002-10-27T11:45:34Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s his house, and they’re his kids, too. If you feel like you’re in any physical danger, I’d advise you to leave, or else get a restraining order. Emotional abuse is a danger as well. Just because someone is not cracking your head open, doesn’t mean your family is not at risk. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/13 "2002-10-27T12:01:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bodypoet \* > \*\*I don’t WANT to do it anymore, and I will do whatever it takes to get myself and my kids back into a healthy situation. > > _sigh_ I just don’t know what it’s gonna take. > \*\* Take it one step at a time. Contact an attorney. Ask him to leave. I don’t know how nasty you want things to get, but if you are in danger, consider having the locks changed and getting a restraining order. It sounds like you gave it your best shot. Marriage requires committment from both parties, and it looks like your husband isn’t willing to try. One step at a time. You can do this. The first step is the hardest. ((((((((((((((bodypoet)))))))))))))) ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/14 "2002-10-27T12:01:26Z")
**Snugglebear** , there is a time and a place for lawyers, and this is one. From what **bodypoet** says, this isn’t going to be a nice, friendly, easy going divorce, if such a thing exists. Also, I know a few things about emotional abuse, and she’s going to need all the outside, objective opinions she can get. **Bodypoet** , I fence with a good divorce lawyer, but I don’t live in your state. I’ll check with him to see if he has any advice, if you like. Take care, good luck, and hugs. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/15 "2002-10-27T12:06:02Z")
I split with my partner of three and a half years today. It’s an incredibly hard thing to do and I’m a bit of a mess today, alternately crying and staring into space. I sympathise. Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/16 "2002-10-27T12:46:27Z")
(((bodypoet))) (((Fran))) Take care of yourselves. Bodypoet, you get all the outside help and advice you need. Plan ahead. ---
**Author:** ![Leifsmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a698b9/32.png) [@Leifsmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leifsmama)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/17 "2002-10-27T13:50:46Z")
**bodypoet** , here’s wishing you some peace and a couple of good friends close by to help and support you and the kids. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/18 "2002-10-27T14:09:06Z")
Remember, there is more than one option here. You say, ‘leave’. He doesn’t. You can always pack up the kids and sundry and head out yourself. That forces the issue to conclusion. And that’s probably what’s best all around. Drawing it out (for whatever reason) isn’t going to help. ---
**Author:** ![Winkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/41988e/32.png) [@Winkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winkie)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/19 "2002-10-27T14:18:56Z")
**{{bodypoet}}** I know we’ve only met once, but I’m not too far away – if you need to get out of the house for a while, or someone to watch the kids while you get things taken care of, please let me know. Just send me a quick email, and I’ll do whatever I can. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2002, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053/20 "2002-10-27T15:46:16Z")
**Moderator’s Notes:** > [@](#): > > How about keeping the blood sucking lawyers outa this thread for the moment… And how about maintaining a civil tongue in this forum. This is the second ugly comment I’ve seen from you today. You already have e-mail and a formal warning for the the first one I found. I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see this one. If I find more, and be assured, I’m looking closely, your posting privileges will be in severe jeopardy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-told-my-husband-to-leave/134053.md?page=2)