# I try to become Gay for Science. (Warning, long, Gay) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 4, 2005, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988 "2005-12-04T04:10:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/41 "2006-01-19T03:50:57Z")
Like any other learned behavior, such as speaking French or playing the tuba, learning to be gay requires a certain degree of talent and aptitude. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it appears you are simply gayness-challenged. I mean, if you can’t master even the simplest exercises, like becoming erect at the sight of a naked man, you are clearly the gayness-equivalent of tone deaf. Of course, many others have much greater aptitude for learning gayness - they are gayness prodigies, gayness savants. Some of these people have such a great facility with such little training, you might almost imagine they were born that way! ---
**Author:** ![biometricks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecae2f/32.png) [@biometricks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biometricks)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/42 "2006-01-19T04:08:09Z")
> [@Siddhartha Vicious](#): > > The second stumbling block? I’m married. Having man sex would necessarily mean that I had to cheat on my wife. I explained to her my experiment, also explaining that it would answer an age-old question. While she admired my scientific zeal , she was not willing to overlook our wedding vows to the extent where she would permit me to have sex with other people, scientific necessity or no. Wow, I would love to be a fly on the wall when your wife is explaining this to her friends. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/43 "2006-01-19T04:35:10Z")
You _killed_ me with the wallets. Your whole post, and your scientific experiment and the rigor with which it was conducted, was brilliant. Amen. BTW, **Sidd** , would you happen to be in or near Tucson? There’s a bar called Plush on 4th Ave & Highland that I’m pretty sure is a gay bar. Never been there, though, or been gay. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/44 "2006-01-19T07:15:53Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Like any other learned behavior, such as speaking French or playing the tuba, learning to be gay requires a certain degree of talent and aptitude. > > Don’t take this the wrong way, but it appears you are simply gayness-challenged. I mean, if you can’t master even the simplest exercises, like becoming erect at the sight of a naked man, you are clearly the gayness-equivalent of tone deaf. > > Of course, many others have much greater aptitude for learning gayness - they are gayness prodigies, gayness savants. Some of these people have such a great facility with such little training, you might almost imagine they were born that way! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/45 "2006-01-19T07:44:52Z")
I couldn’t get through the OP. I think I have ADD. Did he ever turn gay or what? ---
**Author:** ![Theodore\_Striker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Theodore\_Striker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theodore_Striker)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/46 "2006-01-19T15:47:10Z")
We were discussing research paper topics in psych class last night, and one woman brought this very topic up. It took every bit of composure I had to not break into random laughter thinking of this post. Excellent work! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/47 "2006-01-19T21:22:49Z")
Hmmm, do we have a new Master Wang-Ka ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/48 "2006-01-19T21:52:32Z")
Perhaps a better technique for teaching yourself to be gay is to start by attempting to get aroused by pictures of people that look entirely female except for their penis. Maybe that way you can train yourself to get aroused at the sight of a penis, by associating it with the sight of a penis as well. Once you have that mastered, you can try completely male pictures. ---
**Author:** ![c\_goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@c\_goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_goat)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/49 "2006-01-19T22:10:45Z")
> [@c\_goat](#): > > Maybe that way you can train yourself to get aroused at the sight of a penis, by associating it with the sight of a penis as well. Looks like it worked on myself. I said “a penis” instead of “breasts”. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/50 "2006-01-19T22:25:10Z")
> [@Siddhartha Vicious](#): > > One particular arrangement was fascinating. One man penetrated another man. The first man was penetrated by a third, who was himself being penetrated. I can’t help but picture a Slinky[sup]TM[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/51 "2012-01-16T06:43:24Z")
Should do a follow up with animals. Just to prove Rick Santorum wrong. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/52 "2012-01-16T07:58:00Z")
This thread just dug itself from the grave, and is currently shambling towards us moaning “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayys” ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/53 "2012-01-16T10:18:31Z")
But it’s awesomely funny so noone minds. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/54 "2012-01-16T14:12:43Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > But it’s awesomely funny so noone minds. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/55 "2012-01-16T14:31:32Z")
\ ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/56 "2012-01-16T15:15:03Z")
For once a zombie worthy of being brought back to life! This is so good and there are so many who should read it, but who won’t… ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/57 "2012-01-16T19:17:41Z")
As Vice President of the Gay Agenda Group (GAG), it was disheartening to learn of the failure of your scientific attempt to switch teams. We are aware that most men find it indeed quite difficult to become a member of a group that likes to fondle members of same gender members of the group. Although there have been some success stories using a combination of Viagra, a six pack of beer and membership in the Republican Party or Scientology, there have been some difficulties in replicating these experiments with sane subjects. For this reason, we have had to put our Gay Agenda recruitment/outreach program on hold. We prefer our members come to/with us on their own free will. So, while we applaud your scientific attempt to attain membership in our group, we have to politely decline at this time. I know that might seem harsh, but we have found it healthier to simply accept who you are than try to change to be with the cool guys. We wish you all the best and remain supportive of your alternate lifestyle. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/58 "2012-01-16T21:17:03Z")
**Siddhartha** , that was brilliant! Truly Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there funny! My favorite line was “Being of a very slightly scientific bent, I became determined to turn myself into a homosexual.” ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/59 "2012-01-16T21:40:08Z")
I think more thread titles should include the disclaimer “(Warning, Gay)”. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988/60 "2012-01-16T22:38:37Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > As Vice President of the Gay Agenda Group (GAG), it was disheartening to learn of the failure of your scientific attempt to switch teams. We are aware that most men find it indeed quite difficult to become a member of a group that likes to fondle members of same gender members of the group. > > Although there have been some success stories using a combination of Viagra, a six pack of beer and membership in the Republican Party or Scientology, there have been some difficulties in replicating these experiments with sane subjects. > > For this reason, we have had to put our Gay Agenda recruitment/outreach program on hold. We prefer our members come to/with us on their own free will. > > So, while we applaud your scientific attempt to attain membership in our group, we have to politely decline at this time. I know that might seem harsh, but we have found it healthier to simply accept who you are than try to change to be with the cool guys. > > We wish you all the best and remain supportive of your alternate lifestyle. Failing all else, he could always study the pipe organ, take up historic preservation work, or start a celebrity gossip blog. AFA the outside world is concerned, any one of those things makes a guy about 80% gay anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-try-to-become-gay-for-science-warning-long-gay/333988.md?page=4)